BlackwaterDnD

Em:
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit.

Content warnings for this episode include: food & feeding // grief & loss // betrayal // threats // body horror // family conflict // discussion of attempted murder

So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance.

Episode 10: Devouring

Em:
Visitors.

It has been a long time since you've had visitors. Come to think of it, which can be hard to do sometimes with the way your mind works these days, it's been a long time since you've been in any one place long enough that you would not be the one visiting. So this place, this dwelling, though we certainly couldn't call it a home, not compared to the luxury of the homes you've had, this place is yours enough. There are no marble floors, no endless open skylights to the Caesura, no sounds of Lavinia playing the harp echoing from the amphitheater, no hallways that go on forever, and ever, and ever. Ever. Your mind snaps back. Visitors. So you busy yourself, pacing, setting to task of preparing yourself to have two beings join you. Matt, who do we see here, and where exactly have we found ourselves?

Matt:
You see a figure that resembles, from a distance, a dark pile of tattered bedsheets of black sackcloth. Um, but upon arriving you see them shift and swirl and amongst the center you see a pale, withered entity, humanoid at times, but also fluctuating through what looks like fragmented bits of stone and sand that reform. Um, you see a pale elongated head that seems to twitch and turn as its thoughts begin to shift and mingle. Uh, its eyes itself, this kind of vacant, distant place, uh, where matter and time seem to swirl, destroy, and then reform. And with each one of those flickers, the chamber surrounding him, this facsimile, this memory of once glorious times, the architecture of these high arches seem to almost crumble into the sand of an hourglass, and then reform into lower walls as it's continuously slowly remaking itself in non-Euclidean ways, the shapes and angles of the chamber, ignoring the expectations of mortal gravity and structure.

Em:
Incredible. You are so far from who you used to be. It is so hard to even remember anymore. Sometimes you have flashes, remembering your sister, and that little bird that used to flicker around her that annoyed you so much. Your mother, ever chiding, illuminated in her knowledge. And overshadowing, sometimes, in her wisdom. And your father, the pinnacle of the pantheon, so proud of you, so determined at the god you were set out to be. Do you miss them?

Matt:
I think I do. At times I do. At times I feel the emotion, but, briefly can't know what it is or who I am missing. But then I recall, and the emotion fades. It's hard to experience them both at the same time. I find myself chasing that at times and others shunning it. I think I do. I think I do.

Em:
Mm. In the space that we find ourselves in, did you create it, or did you alter it? And how long have you been here?

Matt:
It's interesting. When I came here, there wasn't anything. Just clouds of shadow and possibility. An odd conflux of all that could or might be, and… I think once the hunger began to take me, I needed something to set upon. Some structure, some memory, some semblance of… Hope. And so from what I once was, from what I could remember, I began to build. But the minute I stopped focusing on it, it too begins to crumble. The emptier my spirit, my being feels, the more I'm drawn to wander in my imagination to things I can't have, to things I need, to things I must take in. Everything around me begins to unmake once more, so I have to refocus. So much focus. So much scattered focus.

Em:
It's exhausting. And costly. You no longer have access to the font of power you had, that infinite well. So you scrape, and you search, and you scavenge. And what a gift it was when you saw it. That hope, that tiny shred of hope. When the Weave showed you something that could fulfill you. Maybe something that could even restore you. What was it like when you saw that there was a shard of divinity out in the world? Tell me about that moment.

Matt:
Here in this place outside of places, the windows that come, the windows I call the glimpses of things I miss, I want. It is a listless and distant urge as strong as it is within. So when this spark found me, when this vibrant light, this warm, encompassing, delicious light called me, I had to bring it here. I had to have it. I had… I had to know. I had to touch, I had to see. I had to make it mine.

Em:
Hmm. And even as you think about it, you begin to salivate. And that pang in the low of your belly rings again. I think as you're waiting for them to arrive, and you have such little control over your domain anymore, your eye drifts back to where you were keeping the last of your stash. That last little piece of divinity that you had ferreted away, that you had to consume it to get her here. You spent everything to get her here. And, I have one last curiosity before we have time move forward. When you consume divinity, how do you consume it? Do you eat it? Do you absorb it? What do you do when you need to feed?

Matt:
When I need to feed… I cradle it in my hands. It sparks a memory of what I once was, in times of light and joy… No matter the size, to hold a shred of what once was a beautiful part of himself, that fabric of divinity, he can't help but have flashes of how things once were. The memories, the warmth, the purpose, the interwoven connectedness. The very presence of time in all of its directions, and the family that he felt connected in its purpose with, is there. And that that want, that wish, to just marvel and keep this, is overwhelmed with that need to sunder and devour. And he pulls it apart feverishly, fairly. Like a, like a predatory creature ripping into its prey, he begins to pull it apart and press it onto him. Like some sort of a wanton, wild, maddened creature. And it slowly draws into him, like a, like a sick oil. He pulls it into himself, into his form, as it seeps in, the light of divinity slowly vanishing from sight as it becomes part of him.

Em:
This is a vile and grotesque process. There is such a dark juxtaposition within you, knowing what you have to do to now sustain yourself… is such a mockery, of how you used to exist. Lavish dinners thrown in your honour by those who worshipped you. Feasting and supping with guests, friends, loved ones. And this is what it's come to. This thing you have to do. Just looking at you, we can see the extent of what a divine curse can do. It's a shame, too, considering you were cursed by someone that you created, and were sworn to protect. Time has a funny way of catching up to you. But you know that all too well. As you snap out of this reverie, it's then you hear the whooshing. That rushing sound that you know means travel is imminent. But it's different, because for maybe the first time in a long time, you don't feel like you're being pulled away. The Weave is not yanking you somewhere else. It's not you. So that must mean it's them. Your eyes turn to a mirror that is leaning on one of these stone and sand walls next to you. It flashes a bright white and out tumble two beings. One is tall, thin, raven hair, dark features. The other small, fair, with a radiance to her that makes you cower. There she is. There she is. You found her. The Weave promised you something, and for all it's done to you, it owes you something.

As they struggle to gain their bearings, I think you're even able to see this without looking. Both of them carry divinity in their veins. One of them born with it. Some from his father. You taste the Void on him. You taste oblivion. The other inherited the vengeance. It's bitter and acrid, sharp, like a copper piece in your mouth, brined. He cannot hide it, even if he has spent years, and his whole life running from it. And hers. Hers was a gift. She didn't even know she had it until maybe twelve hours ago. You can smell it. That divinity is so fresh. Like pine and cedar mixed with a field of fresh wildflowers. It smells delicious. What would you like to do?

Matt:
As they gather their bearings, the tangled swirl of tattered black material comes to rest gently in a half circle formation around them, almost like a greeting carpet towards a central celebratory chamber as he sits in the center of it, peering towards them as they get to their feet.

Matt (as Ungal):
“Welcome, children. I’m so very glad to have you amongst my presence.”

Em:
Rake and Ever, you hear this voice ripple out, and you see that despite the darkness of your surroundings, there has been some semblance to prepare for you. It is almost akin to how Avaris prepared for you, there was some pomp and circumstance put on for you. The two of you are here, present, and alive.

Gina:
Do I recognize this person from the visions we saw? Can I tell if this is the same… Is this the same man?

Em:
You do, further along, more lost, but trying very, very hard to keep himself together.

Jannes:
I think Rake would instinctively move himself to stand between the creature on the ground and Ever.

Gina:
I've pressed a hand on his shoulder and just step the side, and look down, at this creature, at this man. And I, I think Ever's feeling a number of things, having seen all of these visions. Fear, revulsion, confusion, hesitation. But among them keeps rising to the top, is pity. What has he beholden to? What has he lost? What is hunger if not desire? To be trapped in this… A desire that cannot be fulfilled. A deficit. A loss that cannot be closed. To both starving and empty. What is hunger if not grief?

Em:
Hmm. And you know grief.

Gina:
I do. And I look to him.

Gina (as Ever):
“Thank you for helping us. He would have killed us.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“That won’t do it all. I sensed your… I sensed your place in the skeins of fate, and it is indeed through these woven threads of time that we come together, you as my guests here beyond everything. I... I have many questions, many… curiosities, I have for you both. So, in... In that I've done you this... This favour, this kindness, I... Hope you would do the same to me by... graciously... being my guests. Yes?”

Gina (as Ever):
“We are your guests. Where are we?”

Matt (as Ungal):
“We [chuckles], we are outside everything. Outside of existence as all of us have known it. This is my home. This is where I reside, forgotten. Now, do not fear. It is still my domain. And it is here I can see all that transpires in flashes. What has happened and what will come to be. I am… Ungal, the Undying… Child of Halinaea and Sollex. Once, the Everlasting, and now… One forgotten. Never to die. Beyond all that I once called my own. Forever alone, and wanting… Until now, welcome. [unsettling laughter] Welcome.”

Em:
As Ungal introduces himself, child of Halinaea and Sollex. Sollex? Who is Sollex? Halinaea, you know. Goddess of Light and Stars. Mother of Allseia. Goddess of Fate and Intuition, The Reasoned Sister. But Ungal? A true god lost to time. And think it strikes you both that this is the first time that you have ever heard or seen of a god that no longer has control over their domain. At the whim of it, instead.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Well, you're, you’re no longer alone, umm… We are honoured to be your guests, and thankful for your kindness and rescue. Um… How can we hope to repay this debt? You said you had questions.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“Yes, questions. I have much needs to fill, um… [dark, suppressed chuckle] You… You were in the midst of great tumult. Why? What is it that drives you both? Why, why are you chased by such danger? Why do you run when you burn so bright?”

Gina (as Ever):
“We hold something with great power, and hope that we can banish someone even more powerful than that. And there are many who seek to stop us. I hope you will not be one of them.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“They cannot reach you here, I assure you. They wouldn't know where to find us. But, you still speak in riddles? [speaking with great effort] Who… Whooo… do you beset against? Perhaps I can help. I know much. I see much.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“My mother, the Matron of Vengeance. She… She has set us on a path that we no longer wish to tread. And... Veering from my mother's course is not something that she… Reacts kindly to. She wishes to harm Ever. And, we hope… We hope that within banishing her… We can offer ourselves some protection.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“[delighted laughter] How curious! Let me see your faces.”

Matt:
As the swirl of blackened shadowed materials flicker like the sound of a thousand flags in a hurricane, he shifts and pulls forth from the shadow the withered pale form. Four thin, lanky arms entwine, not touching, but encaging both of you, as the thin, elongated, sallow face, its dark, sunken, void-filled eyes glancing across each of you, the lips curling open, where blackened gums release spaced, yellowed teeth, and a tongue that slowly unfurls where drips and endless stream of viscous saliva that dribbles down the chin and neck.

Matt (as Ungal):
“[sigh of wonder] There is such light and potential here in you.”

Matt:
He pulls back.

Matt (as Ungal):
“I may know a thing or two about this goddess, you speak, this, Matron. [laughs] Perhaps I can help [laughs louder].”

Gina (as Ever):
“And how can we help you? As your guests, of course.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“As my guests? Of course, yes!”

Matt:
His head flickers over his shoulder and you watch as one of the far, semi-crumbled chamber walls crumbles in an instant, revealing a blackened swirling void, with tethered threads of gossamer blue behind it. He stares into it for what seems like far too long before his head snaps back to the two of you and the wall shuts closed with a [dull, jarring slam].

Matt (as Ungal):
“I… I am so empty. I have an endless longing. And you, kind children of divinity, can help absolve me of this endless hunger.”

Em:
Ever, I think here there's a moment that it clocks for you. When you told him of the object of power that you came in with, my sense is you were referring to the knife. And that is absolutely not the object of power that he is talking about. And Rake, I think something dawns on you as well. Is that, every piece of information you have ever learned about your mother, has come from your mother. And here's someone in front of you who has so much more knowledge. That could see into the dark shadows of the things that she hides from you. The things that she doesn't want you to see. The things that she can't show you to keep you in line.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Maybe you can help. We have means of banishing her. But we need something to draw her out. We need some sort of… Something to bait the trap.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“[laughs] This, this I do know. I know well where she was, where she will be, and whyyyyyy. I can help, I can, I can, promise you, I can!”

Matt:
As he leans in, this darkened smile curled up past, almost too far beyond the edges of his withered mouth. A finger of one of his multiple arms seems to almost beckon towards Ever. And as it does, this faint scent begins to permeate the space around you both. A smell of natural wooded spaces.

Matt (as Ungal):
“I am so very hungry, and you, you can be my salvation. In return, I can, I can give what you seek. I can tell you what the Mistress hates most. What will pull her from the places she hides, where you can banish her to spaces darker than that which I have been cursed here. A bit of offering to show my good faith. You do know she was once mortal, yes? Before she ascended she held the title ‘The Feathered Mistress’. You know this, yes?”

Jannes:
Aboveboard, Em, do I know that?

Em:
This is news to you. You have never known her as anything other than a pure embodiment of vengeance, and the righteous need to enact retribution for betrayal. You have never known her as The Feathered Mistress.

Jannes:
I think the shock on Rake's face speaks of a… of a pain that that information causes. The Matron has never been kind as a mother, but I think he still believed that she respected him to a certain extent. To possibly… Share information. And though the betrayal of that is to be expected. I think it still hurts Rake.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I, I, I did not know that. I’ve only ever known her as the Matron.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“There's so much more for you to know. Ahh… Did you know of her home city before she ascended to The Feathered Mistress? The people she cared for?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I, I did not. What… What would you ask for in return for this information?”

Matt:
This kind of gentle look in his eyes, as he lifts his forearms up and you watch as the semi corporeal walls all crack open, and these windows into darkness behind them shift to flashes of images, moments in time, the collision of the elemental titans themselves doing battle with the gods of old. You see and hear screams of people rushing to war, crumbling and but a flash of a beautiful ancient woman that once… Carries a distant image of your mother that even you fail to recognize. And with that flash of recognition, he looks back to you.

Matt (as Ungal):
“For all this, I wish to taste of your gift.”

Matt:
And he swivels to Ever, his arms slowly reaching towards her, fingers slowly curling like a child slowly clambering for a candy on the shelf just out of reach. His jaw stretching wider than it should, the saliva dripping from his chin, and smoking across the floor like an acid as it hits.
Matt (as Ungal):
“You carry within you, [gasping] a shard! I must taste of it!”

Gina (as Ever):
“How... How can I? I, I would if… If I could, how… If I'd share this with you, I don't know… How would I do that?”

Matt (as Ungal):
“I can, I can show you so much. You have to offer it to me freely… I…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Ever, don’t.”

Gina (as Ever):
“What if I can just share it?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Ever, don't.”

Gina:
I, I think I would like to try something.

Em:
Absolutely. What would you like to do? Man, even I forgot I was here for a second.

Gina:
I want to try and see if I can use… use my divinity to… I don't know if this would be wield a power or, it probably would be. I want to try and channel that shard and if I hold out my hands and to try and… Pull some light into my hands, and see if that in any way would be sating.

Em:
Okay, I think wield of power is the best move for this one. So when you wield the power to do something only a god can, roll 2d6 and you're gonna add one for each true statement. You've done this specific act before perfectly. I would say you've channeled Thielia's gift enough in your life to be able to do what you seek to do. So yes, are you desperate for this to work?

Gina:
Not yet.

Em:
Okay. And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the god you took this power from. You are not. So that's gonna be 2d6 and you're gonna add a plus one.

Gina:
Five and a two. Seven, plus one is eight.

Em:
Okay, so on a hit, seven to nine, you do it. So, describe for me what you do, and I will describe how it acts in this space afterwards.

Gina:
I think it's a combination of… the initial rush of fear of what, what I fear he's asking for. And, a wave of calm, knowing I have this gift in me. Then all I've wanted to do is share it. Ever since I found out. Not keep it for myself. And I think I… try and pull on that pity that I feel for him, the loss that I feel in him, the hunger. The loneliness. And I remember him drinking that marrow. Something to sustain him, and I hope that this can be more. Or at least something. And I pull that light, I imagine it as if there's a glow emanating from me that then pulls back inside me, and flows from my hands that I have cupped out in front of me.

Em:
Hmm. Ungal, you see, almost as if a door slightly ajar, with everything you wish inside it just on the other side. A peek, a moment. Where a fraction, a taste, a speck of this divinity pulls out from Ever's chest, channeling down her arms, circling like vines. Like crawling ivy and morning glory that center in her hands, and it is the colour of a sunset, golden light. You can smell fresh cut grass. You can smell peat in a heady floral. It is almost overwhelming to your senses. It has been so long since you have been around something that smells this good, not to mention the fact that it is pure divinity. She has no idea of the power that sits inside her, and she has cupped an amuse bouche of it in her hands in front of you. And you feel like if you pulled on that thread, there is a whole spool of it just behind it.

Matt:
Ungal watches this glow apparate within Ever's grasp, and… With a tense, conflicted reach of absolute, bottomless hunger, and fearful anticipation of something precious, he slowly reaches and plucks this light from Ever's hand and holds it before him, gently, like a newborn. Something fragile and beautiful. And he looks to it with a softness and a reverence. Like he's peering into childhood memories. And smiles. As he digs his fingers into it and tears it into pieces. The golden light dripping like nectar as he aggressively swallows it and smears it across his throat. He laps hungrily at this fraction of divinity, licking his fingers and pressing it across his body. This ghastly presentation takes but a moment before he takes a breath and sighs into it.

Matt (as Ungal):
“[sighs deeply] Thank you.”

Matt:
He turns to Rake.

Matt (as Ungal):
“Long ago during the Dawn War, thousands of years ago, your mother took a physical form upon her home city of Manta. To defend her people from the roaring destruction and chaos of the Elemental Titans. She rose to defend those who looked to her in her historical time. And past her ascension, they clambered for her protection, and she came. It was here, in this heroic moment, that her high priestess betrayed her, stabbed her in her back. With a corrupted blade granted by Tharakas, Abyss in Chains. The Feathered Mistress, she was to die.”

Matt:
And Ungal flicks his fingers towards one of the opened walls, and you see that image of The Feathered Mistress, fallen to her knees, her form beginning to crack and sunder. The priestess behind her that betrayed her.

Matt (as Ungal):
“Issilus, the betrayer priestess. There is nothing in all of history that the Matron hates more. The one that showed her the meaning of vengeance. But it was the young sister of this betrayer, Nepthysaket, who saw this betrayal, and saved The Feathered Mistress by sending her away to the Negative Plane of Energy. A place not unlike my prison. Issilus died in this process. Gone to the fated ages. And her younger sister, she spent the next centuries atoning for what this high priestess had done. Crafting a tomb for all the souls lost at Manda. Including the mistress she tried to save. And then… Nepthysaket ascended in her place.”

Matt:
At this point, the sated look on Ungal's face begins to fade, and his darkened eyes turn back towards Ever. The tongue lolling longer, and that saliva beginning to flow once more.

Matt (as Ungal):
“You see, the Mistress lay bound for millennia in this Plane of Negative Energy. Until she was set free. Fractured, steeped in torment. She claimed her new domain. The Domain of Vengeance [chuckles]. Not a true god, but an avatar of wrath. Beyond the same laws of godly death, she too now hungers for the vengeance that she has endured, feeding on the wrath of the world.”

Matt:
Ungal now grows close, his arms beginning to encage Ever.

Matt (as Ungal):
“The Matron despises Nepthysaket, and will do whatever it takes to kill her a thousand times over.”

Jannes:
I would see Ungal moving on into Ever’s space.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I have another question for you, Ungal. Seeing as you know so much. I would know, with your hunger and your desire… Do you still feel love? Or just, know of it?”

Matt:
Ungal’s hand shifts briefly from Ever to Rake.

Matt (as Ungal):
“[scratchy, breathy vocalization] I… I think I remember. Love is to be full. Love is when others fill your emptiness. Love is when you are no longer empty. Alone. I… I wish to be loved. I wish to be full.”

Matt:
His head whips back to Ever.

Matt (as Ungal):
“I can be loved! I can be full. You, you can grant me more of your gift! Grant me this seed and I will be sated! Please!”

Gina:
I would like to try and do what I did before, but reach, reach for him and… And try and light him from within. Pour my light into him. As a momentary reprieve.

Jannes:
I think Rake would see this and he would yell,

Jannes (as Rake):
“Ever, please, don't.”

Gina:
And as I do, as I reach out for him… I would say,

Gina (as Ever):
“What of the Matron's divinity? Do you not hunger for hers? What if we could get you all of it? Together we could achieve the same thing. Imagine how delicious it would be!”

Em:
As she says this, Ungal, I think you know that, while as appealing as that sounds… You know that there is no way to untether that divinity from the Matron. And there is no way that would be given freely to you, ever. But this divinity that Ever holds inside her that she has given you a taste of… If she gave you all of it, it could fix everything.

Matt:
I think Ungal, hearing this, one eye kind of closes to contemplate what you're saying while the other stays trained hungrily. There is a brief moment of consideration before Ungal's arms continue to encircle Ever.

Matt (as Ungal):
“Not enough, never enough. Share with me, and I'll take you to that which she hates. The time is mine. I live between the Weave of then, now, and what's to come. I can take you there, but feed me your gift. Feed me!”

Gina (as Ever):
“I can't give you all of it. But I can, I can give you some.”

Em:
He didn't ask for some.

Gina (as Ever):
“There must, there must be something else. How else can I help you? There has to be something else.”

Em:
Would you like to try to wield a power here?

Gina:
I want to try and… Another taste. I want to try and stave him off just... Do I get the sense that this is taking anything from me, or this is just...?

Em:
You have always had gifts from Thielia, the small hedge magic that every person from Temisset has. And that's what you gave him in that moment. And you saw how fleeting that was. You saw how quick that was used up. What he asks for, that ability to move you, take you, manipulate time to take you to... Issilus, to take you to that moment. To grant you that would take so much power. He's not asking for a taste. And, aboveboard, or maybe I'll keep this in, who knows. If you wish to give him your power, you would be manifesting a miracle to sacrifice your power to give to him, in exchange for what he asks. And you would no longer have access to Thielia's gifts, not even the hedge magic of being from Temisset.

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I don't think I can. There has to be something else that can…”

Gina:
And I think out of fear, I look to Rake and I…

Jannes (as Rake):
I, I think that… We can't give you what you're asking for. Not in the way that you're asking for it. Its interesting. I, for a long time, I thought of love like… In the past tense, I… I loved people who had been, who are no longer here. But the thing about that is… You end up loving a memory. And as much as that love still carries weight, it doesn't allow you to change. But when you love someone in the now… They change, and you learn about them. It makes you grow, it makes you change. Fear can change you but only because it removes pieces of you. It hones you down into… the barest of who you are.”

Jannes:
And I think at that he would look at Ungal, and see someone who has been stripped of large parts of what he once was.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I've found love again. And I feel myself growing. I feel those pieces of me that were taken coming back. And it's made me realize that, who I was before, what I did before, though I still bear responsibility for it. It wasn't my fault that I was like that. It's not your fault that you're like this.

Em:
Yes it is.

Jannes (as Rake):
“It wasn't my fault that I was like this. You… You have suffered for what you did. But you were still loved by those you left behind.”

Jannes:
And I think I would walk up to where Ungal stands in front of Ever, and I would place my hand on one of his arms.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I cannot offer you absolution, but I can offer you forgiveness.”

Jannes:
And I want to… I would like to manifest a miracle.

Em:
Okay. So when you wish to manifest a miracle, sacrifice a power, describe how you channel that power into the world to its fullest potential, and erase it from your sheet, you can never use it again. What would you like to do here?

Jannes:
I'm gonna sacrifice the power that I got from Tayo.

Em:
The power of creation.

Jannes:
The power of creation. And I'm going to… I think what Ungal would see is Rake is standing with his hand on his arm and over his shoulder… Actually, before he saw it, he would hear the clicking of boots on a stone floor, and walking towards them, he would see the man that they saw in that vision. The man that he once was.

Em:
Hmm. You see an image of yourself, Ungal. A faint memory. Suave. Whole. Tall. Impeccably attired, put together. Your favorite suit. Your heels clicking down that tile and stone floor of the Lacassian Amphitheatre. Your very own metronome.

Jannes (as Rake):
“There was a time where you stood at a crossroads, and you made a decision that led you here. I hope that if you were to stand there again… You would make a different choice.”

Jannes:
And I will have that man who's walking up from behind, pass through me and cross into the Ungal I see in front of me, as the power of creation flows out of me and into him.

Em:
Now this is something new. Different. It is not the ambrosia of tasting unfiltered divinity. This is divinity with purpose. This is divinity with shape and form from another god, from Tayo the Lost, the God of Humanity, that was gifted to Rake, which is now being gifted to you. As this power flows into you, you know he will never be able to use this power again. To what ends you could use this power you do not know. You've no idea how long it would last. But it's yours. You didn't have to fight for it. You didn't have to scrape or scavenge for it. A gift. And as this miracle manifests, Rake, you feel the power leave you, and you may never draw from it again.

Matt:
As the image of Ungal the Everlasting, the entity that it once was, kind of enters and that sensation washes over. Ungal, who had been crouched and circled around Ever, steps back, and recoils to the back of the chamber like a rapid darting of black material before encircling himself within his robes. The chamber around everybody begins to quake for a moment, the strange arches and hallways seeming to crack and twist on themselves. The entirety of the space is rearranging, in what you fear might be a collapse at first, but then is a push towards more form. What was once strangely bent and odd dimensionality to these various walls and chamber spaces, now seems like it carries more form. As the blackened material comes to calm around Ungal, he kind of stands a bit taller. There is a… a renewed, unfamiliar sense of… Confidence. That perhaps wasn't there before. The fractured, scattered essence is a little more pulled together in this moment.

Em:
Hmm.

Matt:
Ungal begins to step across the chamber towards you both once more. The previous silent skittering that seemed to connotate his approach, now almost clicking like a familiar sound of boots.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I would encourage you to find your sister. Things cannot be how they were, but it doesn't mean that they always have to be like this.”

Matt:
Ungal gives a nod as he approaches, his sallow form, slightly healthier. There is a… A hint of that suave, different man that you conjured imprinted upon him for the moment. His black void-filled eyes themselves, with a bit more colour.

Matt (as Ungal) [voice now clear and even from nourishment]:
“I am… Grateful for a momentary reminder. And your words speak from a place of endless compassion. For I am not lost to circumstance. I would do as you say. But the tragedy has and always will be mine to bear. But I am grateful.”

Gina (as Ever):
“No one is beyond reach. Not even you. We found you, didn’t we?”

Matt (as Ungal):
“It has been so long since I remembered who I was. And I know in time that memory will fade again, leaving only that desperate, dark void. This is the curse left upon me for what I've done. This is my penance. If there ever is an opportunity for redemption. It is not for me to take that step. This is my prison. But perhaps you're not wrong. It could not be by my hand, however.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“As someone who has spent some time wandering in the dark, it's helpful to have a light. If not to guide yourself directly, at least to point you in the right direction. Find something. You don't have to be alone.”

Matt:
Windows into shadow and time, that were now slightly more structured against the stone walls of the chamber, see flashes of past moments, visions of who he once was.

Matt (as Ungal):
“Maybe in time. Time is a thing I know all too well. You cannot stay here. The hunger will take me in time. In here where the very essence of it is malleable. Who knows how soon I'll come again for that threaded shard, that spool of light that rests in you, Ever.”

Gina (as Ever):
“What if we can find a way? To break this curse? It has to be possible.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“There are many things in this universe that are impossible. Until they aren't. But until then… You have a Matron to deal with, do you not?”

Matt:
As he turns to Rake.

Jannes (as Rake):
“We do. And I am so thankful for everything you've shared.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“I am grateful, Ever, for your generosity. And I'm sorry for that which I cannot control. ANd before I lose what control I keep here, let me grant you one last gift.”

Matt:
As he lifts his forearms up, you see these threads of sand and light begin to swirl and encircle like a helix from multiple directions.

Matt (as Ungal):
“Let me use what I can, to send you to find what it is you seek. That which will draw your mother from hiding. That which she hates above all. Let me send you to the Battle of Manta.”

Em:
This gate of sand and time and space appears in front of you, and you watch Ungal do this, there is an ease to his movement, a memory that sits within his body in his form. Now that he has a slight grasp on divinity once more. And because this interaction has gone as such, Rake, I'm going to have you roll to spare a god. So when you confront a God in their true form, but relent in the last moment, describe how you spare them. Which you have. You saved them. And you're gonna roll 2d6. On a hit, seven to nine, they perform a single favour of your choosing, which it seems he's going to perform anyway. Such as lifting a curse or performing a miracle. On a strong hit, ten plus, you can bind them with a curse of your own. You say what they must never do, and they must obey. On a miss, the River seals your choice. Your mercy is eternal and you can never kill them, regardless of how they trespass against you in the future. Regardless of your roll, you receive a semblance of their power. Trading one power for another.

Jannes:
I rolled a two and a five, for a total of seven.

Em:
Okay. Ungal, it has been a long time since someone showed you mercy. And I think even longer since you felt worthy of it. This mortal, part mortal, this godling, has gifted you something that you have never thought to grant yourself. Compassion. Forgiveness. And that maybe, just maybe, someone other than yourself has a little bit of hope in you. And Rake, as you reach out to touch that portal, interacting with its magic, the magic, the true magic of the River, you are granted the power of time manipulation. And you can add that to your sheet.

Jannes:
And I think before Rake crosses through the portal fully, he would look back to Ungal.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Try and find the line. Between where the punishment of the curse ends, and the punishment you inflict on yourself for what you've done begins.”

Matt (as Ungal):
“Maybe I shall. In time.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Be well.”

Jannes:
And he'll step through the portal.

Em:
Ever, as you see Rake go through, is there anything you'd like to do before you follow?

Gina:
I watch Rake move through. And I turn back to Ungal and I… I move in and I, I hug him. I wrap my arms around him in between the arms that are raised for the portal, and I just hold him for a moment. I imagine it's been a long time since he's... felt anything like this. And I want to try and warm him.

Em:
Mmmm.

Gina:
Just for a moment.

Em:
I'm not gonna make you wield the power for that. You do so easily. And, Ungal, as she embraces you… you feel… It's not hot, but it's kind. And that is the warmth you feel. And I think it strikes you, knowing that she is the steward of Thielia's gift, that she could not have picked a better steward.

Matt:
Ungal is certainly taken aback… By the first series of actions of empathy that he's encountered to memory. Still feeling that massive dark pit in the depths of his soul, and her proximity. The golden radiance of that shard within her, Thielia's power, he can still feel part of his essence wanting to pull it from her at this proximity. His arms, the secondary smaller set, seemed to reach instinctively for her like they once did when trying to pull the rest of that golden thread that was offered. And he tenses and pulls those arms away. The nature of what he once was, for once winning over the nature of what he's become. For now.

Em:
Hmmm.

Gina:
I pull back and I look at him.

Gina (as Ever):
“No one is beyond reach. No one is beyond forgiveness. Thank you.”

Gina:
And I turn to walk through the portal.

Matt:
The last thing you hear as you step through the portal is...

Matt (as Ungal):
“You hold forgiveness for me in your heart. Do you hold any in yours for her?”

Em:
Rake and Ever, you travel through this portal, and we'll follow you in a second. But we see you here, Ungal, alone once more. This divinity that you carry now was originally from the God of Humanity, Tayo, who crafted every mortal, the first ones anyway, with their hands from the mud. There's an instinct, a pull, a draw you have to create, something you have not felt for a long time. What do you create? What do you make as you feel this divinity move through you now?

Matt:
The first thing that he creates is a chair from the surrounding stone. Where he truly sits to rest for the first time, in spite of the hunger. And there, in that quiet moment, this brief beat, where the hunger has not consumed him entirely. He rests his face and his hands at his knees, and he sobs.

Em:
True emotion, not filtered through hunger. Sadness, grief, joy? A flood of everything all at once you feel… If a god could feel human, in this moment you do. And what a reprieve that is, from the eons spent shouldering the burden of the consequences of your actions. I think as you do this, without your meaning to, those large panes where time and space move through those, where you can see and project the images of across the universe, of across the expanse of the multiverse.

You might not see it first, but we do. We see a platform, illuminated in light, with rows and rows, almost like a piece of music. Notes and motes of light and time and space scattered across it. From the back we see a small, femme presenting person. From the back we see her long white hair, her simple jacket and pants and cloak. A small gray bird resting on her shoulder. She's humming to herself this beautiful song, the Song of Ages, the Song of the Multiverse, reading the Weave. We see her head turn, she reaches out, briefly touching one of these motes. And then we hear her speak.

Em (as Allseia):
“Brother?”

[Light & Dark: Series Theme by Sean McRoberts]
Em:
Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. The voice of Ungal, The Undying is Matthew Mercer. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Character and location leitmotifs composed by Si Rutherford of Sounds of Adventure. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. We are grateful to be sponsored by Heroforge, who offer fully customizable miniatures made with their online 3D character creator! Head on over and design your own Godkiller, and get them printed in a variety of materials, including colour printing options! With new content added each week, check out www.heroforge.com to start bringing your character to life! This show is also proudly sponsored by Moonbeam, a better and safer way to stream! Dive into Realms for vibrant community hubs where creators keep 100% of what they earn while protected by Pyxis, a revolutionary moderation tool that learns and adapts to your boundaries. So check them out and join Moonbeam today! Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on our second journey through the Cradle. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive Godkiller bonus content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!