BlackwaterDnD

Em:
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit.

Content warnings for this episode include: grief & loss // betrayal // abandonment & rejection // death // corruption & possession // body horror // sleep paralysis // being watched // allusions to child endangerment //

So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance.

Episode 11: Enlightening

Em:
As you step through the portal, leaving Ungal the Undying behind, with a small gift of divinity, this piece of humanity and creation from Tayo. You rocketed here. You were hurled through time, and space, and the Weave itself, but what is really needed here, you've come to realize, is to slow down. You have not stopped for more than moments since you met, and since well before that, if we're being truly honest. You have been pulled apart, your emotions raw, like live wires, and feeling like you are grasping at the edges of something, anything, to give you what you seek. An end to all this, an end to the current and potential torment at the hands of the Matron, a freedom from her talons, both metaphorical and literal. Your lives to be your own once more, and to no longer be bent or shaped or manipulated to her whims and aims. You know that Ungal is sending you to Manta to see where it all began, but you have some time first. A gift, for your kindness. You can see what came before, to help you understand. As you are moving through, you see six large motes of light, swirl out around you, encircling you, following you. Memories that the Weave has sent you. Perhaps by Ungal, perhaps by Allseia. It's hard to say at this point. If you'd like to try and interact with these pieces of the fabric of history and the sign of time, you can, but I'm going to have you tell me what move you'd like to use here to do so. You can use a mortal move, a divine move, or a renowned move. You have three attempts. You must hit to grab it. If you miss that opportunity, fuck me sideways. If you miss the opportunity for that one passes. If you overkill, you get it, but at a cost. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
I think Rake is going to see these motes, and, thinking back to the time with Ungal, and the way that he was able to pull the visions of the past up in front of him, as though he was going to watch them and relive them, I think Rake is going to reach out for one of these, and I'm going to use the move, act impulsively.

Em:
Okay. So, when you act impulsively, describe the emotion that drives you, and answer one. The GM will tell you something you didn't notice until now, as they answer the other. The two questions are, what advantage do you seize, or what trouble hits you hard and fast?

Jannes:
I think Rake is driven by a combination of curiosity, there are six very specific motes here. And, because they are, there are a certain amount, I think he feels as though they are things that have been specifically brought to either show him something, or reveal something to him. And, so I think he's driven by curiosity of what that is, but also,

Em:
Hmm.

Jannes:
A desire to gather as much information as possible for what is to come. And, as for answering one of the questions… I think the advantage that he seizes is that, because he has moved so quickly in essentially taking this bait, there's more time for them to explore the others, than there would have been if he had hesitated.

Em:
Hmm. Okay. So, from that, the trouble that hits you hard and fast, is that curiosity. You understand that by seeing these things, it may be too much. That impulsiveness may draw you into a point, to show you things you would rather not know. Parts of history that may interact with your timeline in ways that you didn't expect. So, as you touch this mote of light, you feel this vision hum with energy as you are pulled into it. And, you find yourself seated at a long table. You look down rows, and rows, of what you assume to be avatars of the gods, divine beings seated in council. You are familiar with many of the gods. You have to be for your job. You recognize many of the ones still alive while you have been in the Cradle. But there are dozens seated at this table, more than the twenty that remain. You focus on three. And with your knowledge of the past and the present, you are able to recognize them here in this space. Thissera, The Architect. Denmor, The Forgefather. Thielia, Maiden of the Deep Woods. They are seated closest to you, and your head is hung low. You hear yourself give an exasperated sigh, and your voice rings out. But it is not you, Rake. This voice is begging. It is softer, and so much more measured, with none of the venom that you are accustomed to.

Em (as The Feathered Mistress):
“Please. I have foreseen that Garyx and Istischia will attack Manta in three weeks' time, and I cannot leave my devoted to die. We are so few, with no safety of a larger city, isolated within the Expanse. My priestesses and warriors will do everything they can, but I beg you, my kin, help us! Like I have helped so many of you, so many times before, how I have tended to your dead, and brought solace to those dying. Given them wings to fly to the river so they may be at peace. Please.”

Em:
They don't respond. Denmor's mouth is hard set. Thissera, looking away, and fiddling with an object in her hands. Thielia reaches out a hand towards you, as almost an act of comfort, but you feel that spite within yourself as you stand up, your chair falling backwards behind you as you address the whole table.

Em (as The Feathered Mistress):
“How many of us did I carry to the river when the Ashbringer tried to burn us all away?”

Em:
Silence.

Em (as The Feathered Mistress):
“Does no one remember? Or do you all choose to look away and forget?”

Em:
Silence.

Em (as The Feathered Mistress):
“I cannot forget. Unlike all of you, I do not get to pick and choose the scope of my domain and my duty, I carry every last one.”

Em:
You push away from the table. Standing up. You feel that bile, that spite rise in your throat and it grips your chest.

Em (as The Feathered Mistress):
“This council is a farce. The longer I do this, the more I think the Titans are right. None of us deserve it anymore.”

Em:
What would you like to do?

Jannes:
Do I feel like I have any control of the, the vision itself, or am I seeing something that has occurred, that I can't sort of influence?

Em:
You know, based on the fact that Ungal has chosen to share this with you, or the Weave has chosen to share this with you, that this is something that has happened. But if there is a piece of information that you would like to try and glean before you feel this vision start to end, you could do so now.

Jannes:
Are there only the three avatars, or are there other avatars of other gods there as well?

Em:
There’s dozens. Denmor, Thissera, and Thielia are sat closest to you. But there are, as far as the eye can see, down this long, long table.

Jannes:
I'd like to take a moment and look down and see, what am I wearing? What is on my hands? What is at my hip? I just want to learn through the context of… The appearance of who my mother used to be, who she was or what she was like.

Em:
Hmm. You take a second to try and hone in on that, and you realize that you are speaking through a mask, a porcelain mask in front of your face, but your voice rings true despite it. Long, black hair, straight, down to about your waist. Beautiful leather armour, embroidered with ravens feathers, a cloak that sweeps the floor covered in runes and finery, and a pair of black feathered wings behind you. As she speaks, you see her hands balled into fists as she is trying to steal herself. You feel a pain in her chest that is not fully rage… It is fear. It is a pleading, a begging, a desperation. It is a stark realization as you go through this conversation that she feels so incredibly alone. She is asking these people who are supposed to be on her side to help her, and they are attempting to ignore it, deny it, and even placate it, when she has prophesized doom for the people who feed her domain, her worshippers. She knows that if they all die, she will lose part of her power. And she knows that there would likely not be any coming back from that. And you see there's a wedding ring on her left hand. The wedding ring looks, not opulent. It looks... Like the person who bought it saved every penny they had, for something that would have been a couple silver at best. You see her thumb rub the inside of it as she grips her hands, a totem. Something that tries to keep her strong.

Jannes:
And I would know, just off my knowledge of the world, that this was far too long ago for that ring to have been given by my father, right?

Em:
So far long ago. There is absolutely no way. Also, the iconography is wrong. Your father knew her well into when she was the Matron of Vengeance. Here, she is The Feathered Mistress.

Jannes:
I'd like to take some time, or as much time as I have left, to truly study the ring. To be able to, almost memorize every aspect of it. If there's any sort of engraving, or marks on it. And then, as I feel it starting to slip away, I'd like to find something on the table. A glass or a plate. And I'd like to attempt to see the reflection of the mask before it was broken.

Em:
Hmm. As you're pushing your chair away from the table, you as your mother pushing your chair away from the table, your eyes instinctively, probably because she did at the time, scan the gods around. And, you are looking for something reflective, a mirror, a plate, a goblet, and your eyes settle on Falir, the God of the Dawn. A prism, in their true form. And you see your mother's mask reflected back to you. White porcelain, with intricate designs of obsidian. Red lips, uncracked. Defined cheekbones and jawline. And the same nose. Same as you. It's stunningly beautiful.

Jannes:
I think Rake in his mind, starts to consciously and with effort, re-assign the concept of his mother to that face. Rather than the one that he has grown up with.

Em:
Hmm. Your chair fully makes its way back, scraping against the floor. You turn, your robes and your wings unfurling behind you, as you storm out, not looking back. As the vision ends.

Gina:
What do I see, as Rake is reaching out for this mote? Does it look like he changes at all, or something happens?

Em:
You see his face retain a neutral position. With a furrowed look of contemplation, you see him think. You can hear, almost [chuckles], the gears turning in his head, as his hand remains entirely inside the mote. And, Rake, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you see a small smile at the end.

Jannes:
I think you see the edges of his mouth sort of quirk up at the end, but the smile doesn't fully extend to his eyes. And you, you see in his eyes a relief, and a sadness.

Em:
A smile that is also sad.

Gina:
Seeing that, and thinking back to being with Soevan, and feeling that memory pulled from me… I move to one of the motes and I,I hope… I hope that this is something like that. Whether or not it's my memory or… Something I need to see. And I, I think I would. I think I would hesitantly at first, but… place my hand inside a mote, and try and feel something out.

Em:
Okay. So, when you try to feel out of person, place, or thing, say what you want clarity about and answer one. The GM will give you the clarity you seek as they answer the other. What feels welcoming on the surface? Or what feels dark or unnerving as I peer deeper?

Gina:
I think what feels welcoming on the surface is… Is the fact that they're made of light, that they feel warm, they feel soft, and the fact that Rake has not been harmed by touching these, he's not been… Something about it feels safe.

Em:
And what feels dark or unnerving as you peer deeper is that, while you know you are safe here, protected by the magic given to you by Ungal as he set you on this path, the place you are going is exceedingly dangerous. So, you assume that most of the memories leading up to this have something sinister attached to them. A shadow. A chaos. An evil. Attached to them. So, as you touch this first mote, feeling it in your hand, and it feels like soft, rich fabric and smells like incense. Familiar incense. Heady and floral, rich with spice. It smells like Temple Lybica. You find yourself seated in a chair of what looks to be a bedroom within a temple. There is no cat iconography here, but you see a cloak of black raven's feathers hung on a hook. You see the room is beautiful in its simplicity, but definitely made for someone of high ranking.

There is, however, a crack in the wall above the bed. And it looks as if someone has attempted to patch it, but it didn't succeed, and the crack broke through again. You hear the door open and you see someone walk in. Their face is blurred to you, but you get a sense that this room belongs to them. Long black robes, femme presenting. They wear a holy symbol around their neck. The amulet looks to be a set of two pewter hands, cupped, holding a raven feather between them carved of obsidian. The figure is clearly tired. Sheds their robes, leaving them in a heap on the floor, wearing nothing more than a simple black shift. You see they scratch at their arms, and with each scratch there is a glint of... Metal? Something silverish that catches in the moonlight from the window just a second again before it's gone. They pull the long sleeves of the shift over them, anxiously. This being… This high ranking priestess, you gather, climbs into bed, and almost collapses, almost falling into a deep slumber before she hits the pillow. And it's then you hear the cracking, and the wall seems to open, pulled apart by clawed hands within an instant, and you see a yellow eye. Sickly and all-encompassing, press itself up against the crack from the other side of the wall, peer into the open space, and settle on the creature below. She writhes in her sleep as the eye reaches towards her. What would you like to do?

Gina:
Do I get the sense that I'm actually here or am I just… Am I physically in this room? Or am I just witnessing it?

Em:
You know this is an event in the past that has happened. You likely would be able to try to interact with the space, but you know you cannot change what has happened here.

Gina:
Am I, am I in a form? If I look down at myself, you said I'm seated in a chair. Can I tell who I am?

Em:
There is no form to you. You know you are seated in the chair, but we would see nothing. You are witnessing.

Gina:
Then I'll move closer to the form in the bed. Can I... The crack is above the bed?

Em:
Correct.

Gina:
Do I have any sense for, for what this eye is? What's behind the wall?

Em:
You look at the stone of the wall around this crack as the eye moves and peers, and you see there's a half second where it settles on the space where you are, and then moves past it back to the form in the bed. Like it knows magic is happening, but it doesn't know what. The stone of the wall is thick enough that there should not be anything that could house something this big behind it. And looking at the eye, Ever, I think the divinity you carry, you know… This eye, this thing, is divine.

Gina:
But it's causing her pain? She looks like she's in pain.

Em:
In agony, in her sleep.

Gina:
I know that there's nothing I can do, but I… I want to try and help her if I can. Can I? Can I place my hands on her and just try to... Soothe whatever it is that's causing this?

Em:
You reach your hand, which feels almost ethereal as you try and perceive it. Her arms are above the sheets. And as your fingers brush her hand, she grips it so tightly. You hear her whimper in her sleep,

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Sister!”

Em:
As she continues to writhe and move. But she seems to have clocked your presence.

Gina:
I, I, I don't know who... And there's nothing identifying about this person that I would know who she is or who…?

Em:
You have no idea who she is.

Gina:
But there’s a cloak of raven feathers… I, I tighten my grip on her arms. And I… I just say, not knowing who this could be, but having an idea,

Gina (as Ever):
“Sister, I'm here. It's alright.”

Em:
As you speak, the eye turns to look at you, glaring at you, feeling like it is staring right at you. And almost with a concussive force, you feel yourself pushed out and back, your hand loosing hers, and you are out of the vision. And you take one strain.

Jannes:
I think Rake having just had that moment where he found a semblance of… Understanding of who his mother was, and part of what caused her to eventually become the way that she is. I think he's gonna reach out, and, for another mote, and I would like to use connect with someone.

Em:
Hmm. Great choice. So, when you try and connect with someone, tell them something intimate and answer one. The GM will reveal a fragment of their pain as they answer the other, oh, you could not have picked a better one. What common ground do we share, and what still divides us?

Jannes:
I think the intimate thing that drives Rake in that moment is that he… He truly wants to love his mother. And I think he hopes that something in this vision or memory will help him achieve that. And, I will answer what still divides us. I think there is a sadness for himself, but mainly, for Avisan. That, she had been married before, and she would never do that for him.

Em:
What common ground you share, is immediately apparent to you as you touch the mote, immersing your hand in it. Deep, visceral, grief. This mote feels like grief. And as you step into it, you hear the sound of crying. Not retching sobs, but a soft, quiet crying. The kind of tears that come back over and over again, that you can't keep in. Not something of a fresh pain. Of a long-standing loss. You see a simple one or two room house, not dissimilar to the one you grew up in with your father. The landscape around is quite barren. and there's a heavy smell of ash and smoke in the air. As you look around, you see hillsides and landscapes that have been burnt, charred, with very little remaining. It is a… Shock, that this house even stays left standing with how much desolation is around it. As you walk up to the window, to try and take a peek inside, you see a woman seated with her back to you at a table. Her hair is long, down to her waist, inky black and straight, tied into a loose braid with a ribbon to keep it out of the way. She wears simple work clothes, also gray with ash. An apron. This domicile is so far from lavish. Resources feel thin and scarce. Money tight. If existent at all. You cannot see her face from this angle, but you see the woman holding a picture of herself and a man. Who is looking at her. It is a portrait. As if they sat for it. Saved up money for it. There's such a deep love on this man's face for her. Easy to see, even through an artist's interpretation. The woman… Looks like the woman that showed up at your father's house when you were eighteen, but with none of the malice, none of the cruelty, none of the malevolence, none of the vengeance. But the man is not your father. It couldn't be. This place feels old. Very, very old, ages even. But what strikes you the most, as you watch this woman. She's crying, and her tears stain this portrait. You know something so clearly and immediately. In this moment, she is not divine. She is mortal. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
With this mote, I am viewing it in the third person this time as opposed to… From her perspective?

Em:
That's right.

Jannes:
I think Rake would make his way around, just to stand in front of her. And, I think he would kneel, like she is, to be at the same eye level as her. She's not wearing the mask, is she?

Em:
No, she's not. She looks just like you.

Jannes:
Even though it is a, a memory, and he knows that, I think he's gonna reach out and just place his hand on the side of her face, in an act of comfort, but also an attempt to be close to the person that she was.

Em:
You can feel her face. It's hot from crying. And wet. Some of her tears roll down silently, and you feel them on your hand. And as she feels the tears roll, she reaches a hand up to brush them away. And her hand kind of lingers. And you feel it brush against yours. She takes a heavy sigh. And her breathing regulates.

Jannes:
I look down at the portrait. Is there anything written on it, or on the back of it, that might indicate… What she used to be called? Or what he used to be called?

Em:
You see her fingers rub at the edge of the portrait. It is tear stained. And you hear her tisk to herself that she's getting tears on something, that if she keeps crying on it, won't last as long as she wants it to. When you see her turn it over, before she gently goes to fold it away, and it says, ‘I love you, Vera’ on the back. Which strikes you. Because it means, that she gave your father her true name. When she could have easily just changed it or hidden it. [releases a breath]

Jannes:
I think in that moment, for him, whether it's true or not, I think he decides that the reason that his mother could never accept his father's proposal, was not because she didn't want to, but because in her mind she was still married. And I think that to him at least eases that sadness for his father. And, I think for as long as he has left in this vision. He would just sit with her. In a way that he never could sit with what she is now.

Em:
Could have been seconds, moments. Years. The amount of time doesn't matter. It's just the fact that you got to do it. Finally, she begins to fully fold the paper, and you see she tucks it as she stands up and moves away from the table, placing it on the mantle of a hearth. As she goes to light a fire. Alone. And the vision ends.

Gina:
Feeling myself shunted back, out of this mote, out of this memory, it, it… It didn't feel like that was the end. It didn't feel like that was all I was supposed to see.

Em:
You saw a secret.

Gina:
It feels like I was denied something.

Em:
A dangerous secret.

Gina:
Like, like I saw more than that eye wanted me to. And so I think I'm going to act impulsively, and reach for another.

Em:
Okay. When you act impulsively, describe the emotion that drives you and answer one. The GM will tell you something you didn't notice until now as they answer the other. The two questions are, what advantage do you seize? And what trouble hits you hard and fast?

Gina:
I think the emotion that drives me is a combination of things. It's frustration, it's anger, it's… Desire. It’s fear. Because I think that the trouble that hits me hard and fast is, is that I think I'm, I’m realizing the danger that we're headed into. It feels like I've seen a small fraction of it. And it feels like that danger has just seen me.

Em:
So the advantage that you seize here, is that you're able to prepare yourself for what's coming. That in the last vision, you watched her. And as you reach your hand into this vision, this mote, you realize you are her. You're immediately hit with something that smells sharp and pungent, almost flooding your senses, as you're given this strong sense of whiplash, as that's powerfully overtaken by the feeling of electricity in your hand, as you look down and you grip onto a knife. It is not your knife, the one that you and Rake share, but it feels the same. The handle is bound with a black leather, and below the hilt is a curved, jagged blade, embedded with a sickly yellow crystal, that same yellow as the eye. The crystal seems to ooze this caustic green substance that is the consistency of blood. And that's what's emitting the horrible smell. You feel the thrum as power surges within you. And you know that as the person you are, that figure that was writhing, convulsing in that bed, this is the first time you've touched this knife. And you know that you could use it to kill a god. This knife also feels wrong. More wrong than the knife you carry. The design and the purpose has been taken from something else. This knife was not originally like this. It was something powerful and true. You also put together that the dagger you're holding has been manipulated from its intended purpose. Something dark took this blade from something noble, to something malevolent. With aims of absolute power. Retribution. And revenge. What would you like to do?

Gina:
I'm holding this knife? Am I alone? What am I doing with it?

Em:
You seem to be kneeled in prayer.

Gina:
And I've… I'm alone in prayer. Is no one else here?

Em:
You are alone, but you don't feel alone. You feel a nauseating presence coming from somewhere, within the room, but you're not sure where. It makes you sick to your stomach.

Gina:
And I know that I'm the same, the same person that I saw in the last, in the last vision?

Em:
Yes.

Gina:
If I, if I look down to my arms, is the metal still there?

Em:
It's worse. You see chain weaving in and out of your skin. It starts from the middle of your biceps, has snaked around your elbow, and it is about midway up your forearm.

Gina:
Who, who would have done this to me? Did, did I do it to myself? Do I, do I get any sense of… How long has it been this way?

Em:
I think you, as this person, catch a glimpse of the chains for a moment, and realize that you're gonna need to get better at hiding them. For over the last year, they have been moving slow, but they are now moving quicker.

Gina:
And I know that this feels familiar to me, in, in the way I felt when I first touched that knife?

Em:
Almost the same. This knife feels like yours now. You don't ever want it out of your hand.

Gina:
Was I doing something with it? Was I… If I'm not in prayer, am I, am I performing a ritual? Am I carving something? What is it that I'm doing with it?

Em:
You just picked it up.

Gina:
It was just there.

Em:
It was just there. Your gaze is fixed downward at it.

Gina:
Are there any cracks in the walls like I saw before?

Em:
Do you look up?

Gina:
Yes.

Em:
You tear your eyes away from the knife. It's difficult. And as you look up… You see a clawed hand outstretched, as if it had just dropped the knife in front of you, and you see that giant eye once more, pressed wide, up against an even bigger crack. You see the pupil narrow. Focus in on you, not the person holding the knife, but you. As you are pushed back once more, rocketed out. And you take another strain.

Rake, as you pull your hand out, I think, instinctually wiping away a couple tears of your own. You see Ever rocketed back through. She looks hurt. She is still traveling alongside you, at the same rate, with two motes left circling you and surrounding you, but she looks injured.

Jannes:
Knowing that none of my interactions with these motes have hurt me in any way. And now seeing Ever hurt. Rake would look to Ever,

Jannes (as Rake):
“Are, are you okay?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I'm fine. It’s, um, there’s an eye… I think I'm seeing something I'm not supposed to see. But I'm okay. I'm okay.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Maybe, maybe you shouldn't grab the last one.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Well, maybe I should. Maybe that's all the more reason to.”

Jannes:
Rake's gonna turn to the mote that is closest to him. And, have the motes been set up in a way that there are some closer to him, and some closer to Ever? Like, are there some that are positioned as though they're out of his reach?

Em:
No.

Jannes:
So they're all within his reach.

Em:
Yes. It's not as if there were three hovering around you, and three hovering around Ever. These are just the ones you've reached out and grabbed.

Jannes:
Mmhmm. I think Rake is going to reach for one of the last of the two, and he's going to… As he reaches for it, but a split second before his hand makes contact with the mote, his other hand is going to dart up, and grab the one that he wasn't originally reaching for. In an attempt to… Switch… Whatever visions these motes held, and I'm going to use the move recognize a god.

Em:
Hmm.

Jannes:
Because even though they are coming from Ungal's domain he wants to know who is responsible for these.

Em:
Okay. So when you want to recognize the signs or influence of a god of the Cradle, you're gonna roll 2d6 and you're gonna add one for each true statement. You're in or near their domain. No. You're familiar with their gospel. No. It would be bad if you didn't know? No. So this is just a flat roll.

Jannes:
That is a nine.

Em:
Okay. On a hit, seven to nine, the GM will give you a clear interpretation of the omens. You ask your GM a single follow-up question of your choosing, and they must answer honestly. You reach out to touch this mote, readying yourself to come face to face with a god, readying yourself for a portion of the pain that you have seen Ever be inflicted. And this one takes you by surprise. Because as you enter into it, everything feels so rich and alive. You are in what looks like an orchard. A small grove of apple trees. The apples are so, so red. Shades of scarlet and crimson, no green or yellow varietals in sight. The leaves of the apple trees move from a green to a red-brown on their ends with rich red-brown trunks. You look around and far in the distance you see a giant willow tree. Enormous. Bigger than any tree you've ever seen.

You're looking and you're trying to figure out where, where are you? And as you marvel back again at the small copse for a moment, you hear the sounds of giggling. You see two young girls, climbing down from the largest trees, their black skirts full of apples as they take off running. Behind you, you hear a shouting and calling for them in a language you don't understand, as an older woman in long black robes, holy symbol with a set of two pewter hands cupped, holding a raven feather carved from obsidian that's clanging amongst other jewelry as she runs after the girls. There's a dark black stone building far behind them. That towers over a city with a large flock of ravens circling overhead. And it feels like on this day, that is a good omen.

You scan and you scan, and you try and look for some malevolent force. And again, your eyes look up. Small, off in the distance, high in the sky. You see, almost a slit. In what should be clear, blue sky. It is yellow and pulsing, and it opens slightly, as an eye would. It blinks, as if getting its bearings for the first time in a long time, just one. You hear the sound of metal scraping against each other. Sounds like chain. Feels wrong, set into this landscape. There is only one god who has ever carried the iconography of chains. And you only could recognize it here, because of how far back in history you truly are. Tharakus, God of the Abyss. Betrayer, conspirer, traitor. The Chaos in Chains. The eye traces, and finds the two girls. You watch as it follows them as they run. And as they disappear, further down the orchard. The eye closes, and is gone. You can ask me one question and I will answer it honestly.

Jannes:
Seeing this, I think Rake, and knowing which god the eye belonged to now… I think the question is why is he so interested in The Feathered Mistress and her people, that he would watch them?

Em:
It is less about The Feathered Mistress, and more about one of the two girls running away. He is watching her, knowing that in some way he can use her to his aims, because of who she will be. And because of the level of her devotion. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
I think what Rake would do with the rest of the time that he has in this vision, is he would pursue the two young girls, and try and get an idea of their relationship, in the way that they interact with one another.

Em:
Okay.

Jannes:
Like what, try and gauge sort of, the difference in their age. Try and see what kind of bond they had.

Em:
You take off running, after the two young girls, this ethereal form not making any sound, as you move through the orchard. You catch up with the girls, easy enough. You see the two of them hiding out behind a briar. They're laughing to themselves. And you see them eating the apples, polishing them, and talking with each other, telling stories, as young children do together. You see a familial bond between the two, striking similarities in the way they look. Their eyes are the same. Their mannerisms, the same. It's clear that these girls are sisters, and that they've grown up together. Both wear iconography of ravens. Young, maybe acolytes. One, the oldest, looks to be about ten or eleven. And the other, much younger, looks to be about five or six. You see in the younger one, she looks up at her sister who sits taller than she does, by almost a head. There's such a deep admiration for her older sister. And as the eldest looks down, you see someone who is trying to take care. And to protect. And to show her little sister some fun. You hear the shouting of an older woman wearing those similar robes, in a language you don't understand, as she calls out. The girls go quiet. Except the little one takes a very large bite of the apple. It crunches so loud, and they start snickering to each other. As the eldest girl looks at her little sister, picks up one of the apples, and throws it up, over the briar, towards the woman behind. You hear a laugh at the absurdity of it. The young girls knowing they've been caught, but knowing that there is no punishment for what they've done. Is there anything else you'd like to do here?

Jannes:
I think he would just continue to watch them for the rest of the time, and continue to build his understanding of who they were, um… And try and pick up on as many things as he could in hopes to sort of aid his appeal to Issilus when he eventually reaches her.

Em:
The two girls eventually come out, and they start walking towards the older woman, a caretaker of some kind. Not their mother, but a caretaker. You hear the youngest girl whistle, and she calls out, again, in a language you don't understand, but you know she's calling a name. And she goes [makes several soft clicking sounds with faer tongue] and you see a tiny black cat. Pad out from the woods. It runs right to her, circling about her ankles, as it hops up in her arms. And she carries it back, following the older priestess, as the vision begins to fade. There is only one moat that remains, and you see in the distance, an archway. You have some time before it, if you wish to grab this last one, but you also don't have to.

Gina:
I see us approaching that portal, the archway. And I, and I watch Rake reach out for the last, second to last mote. How do I feel? You said I'm in pain. Do I, do I look injured? Am I... Is it all internal?

Em:
You feel tired. You feel… Exhausted, like you have had poor sleep. You feel nervous and antsy, restless. And aboveboard, you know that strain is not necessarily just physical pain. It is emotional or psychic pain. You have a headache that just won't quit. Feels like a ice pick behind your eyes. But you also see that Rake has grabbed the mote nearest to you.

Gina:
I think I'm, I’m running through in my mind, all the things that Ungal had said, that, that Priestess Zahara had said. The Feathered Mistress, her high priestess, corrupted. The betrayal. Those chains. What is it that I'm not supposed to see? What is it that I'm not supposed to know? I have to know. He wouldn't have given these to us if we weren't supposed to see them. Unless they've been corrupted too. And I look back to the archway. How close to it are we?

Em:
It's hard to tell. You don't feel like you've been flying for more than a minute. Yet these visions have felt long when you're inside them. Time is relative. You are between time. And you are not the one with the time manipulation power.

Gina:
I'm looking at that last mote, and thinking, if I reach for it… If I see what I'm not supposed to see… Would I be able to do what I need to do? I think what I want to do is... As badly as I want to reach out for this mote, I want to try and… I want to be able to watch, to watch through this portal. And see what's there. Before we have to step through.

Em:
Okay.

Gina:
I don't know if it's possible, but I… I worry that once we step through it, time will stop and… I want to know what we're approaching before we step into it.

Em:
Okay. You're probably too far from the doorway, at this point, to do that, but can certainly do so when you approach it.

Gina:
I look back to the mote. I want to know. I think I'm going to tempt fate, and reach out for it.

Em:
Okay. When you tempt fate with your actions, say what perilous feat you're trying to accomplish, which I'm assuming is, engage with this vision and get out of it unscathed, and roll 2d6. And you're gonna add one for each true statement. A skilled ally is lending you a hand. Yeah, I'll give you that one. You have no other options. I think you have other options. And you're far from any god that wishes you harm. The complicated thing about this one, is that here, in this liminal space, you are far from any god that wishes you harm. This is Ungal's domain and he has granted you safe passage. You also have no idea what's going to happen when you step in that vision. So we're gonna take it, since it is before you've touched it that yes, you are far from any god that wishes you harm. So this will be a plus two.

Gina:
Well, I rolled a one and a five.

Em:
Okay, so that's a six plus two is an eight. So on a hit, you get through it mostly unscathed. The fates spare you for now. So while I have predetermined what this vision is, I can guarantee that you will not get any strain in this vision, because you have tempted fate successfully. Hmm. Okay. So you steel yourself, and you reach out and you touch this mote, and you are met with the same feeling. Determination. Battle-hardened. And… A confidence in your own ability, despite not knowing what's ahead of you. You step into this vision, and you see yourself placing on full battle regalia. Greaves, full plate, helm on your head. And there is a heaviness on your back that is not a shield, but a full pair of wings out behind you. You see a mirror in front of you. The helm is already on, but you see the porcelain mask underneath. You are The Feathered Mistress. And you feel a fear within you, acrid in the back of your throat. You know by putting on this armour, you are putting yourself at risk. You know there is no other option. You will not let your devoted go without their goddess at their backs. You will lead the charge, if you have to. They deserve to know how much they are loved. You strap the last piece of this blessed divine armour to you. And I think, Ever, as you touch your own arm, you're expecting to feel… That potentially you might move through it. One hand might move through it. A lack of solid. But you are in a corporeal form. You are real. The Feathered Mistress has taken on a real body. She is preparing for battle and hoping that all is not lost. What would you like to do?

Gina:
I look at myself in the mirror. You said this is a physical form, a, a real body?

Em:
Yes.

Gina:
Why would she do that? Did she have to? To… In order to go to war, did she need to take on a physical form? Or was it a choice?

Em:
Mm. Of course there was a choice. There was always a choice. She believes there was no other option. That whatever is going to happen, she needs to be there. She needs to be present, ready. Confident, strong.

Gina:
Can I remove the mask?

Em:
You bring your hands up to the helm, removing it. And you place your hand on the front of the mask. Knowing that this is something you never do, but you are alone right now. There is no one to see. You take off the mask, and you see the visage of a woman who looks just like Rake. Same nose. Sharp angular features. A litheness to her. You see the fear in her eyes, but her jaw is set. She adjusts the chainmail that goes up over her head, tucking her hair into it, which is interwoven with dark black feathers. Her wings ruffle as she gets comfortable in armour that she doesn't often have to wear. She stares at herself, you stare at yourself, straight in the face. You see, you're almost trying to amp herself up. She's terrified. But she knows she's strong. And she knows this is what she has to do. As you place the mask back on, the helm returns. Cloaked once more.

Gina:
I can feel her fear. Or do I just know that she's afraid?

Em:
You feel it. And that says something for a god to be afraid.

Gina:
And she still chose to go… I think I would just… This doesn't feel like… Something I'm not supposed to see, this feels like something I am supposed to see. And I look around, is there anything like in any of the other visions I've seen? Is there cracks in the walls, chains, anything like that?

Em:
No. You seem to be in a place that you feel like you have created. A divine domain. Which you know is odd, and that this must be a very, very long time ago. Because when the River dried up, the gods lost access to their planes. This must be eons ago. And she has changed so much.

Gina:
And she loved… To be able to do this for her people, to feel this fear, to take on this form and go to war… Despite it all, she loved.

Em:
And as she adjusts the final strap across her shoulder, you clock the wedding ring as well. Too plain, for someone of her divine status. And think you can also know within her, that that ring is not a magical object. It does not grant her anything other than simply having it.

Gina:
I think I just stand there, and look at my reflection in the mirror. And I think to myself, something that I've heard Davos say before. It just feels so true. ‘Sometimes pain creates monsters, and all they want is solace’. And I think this is the first time that I've thought of her in this way of... Of all the things that she is and all the things that she's done, that it was that love that turned to pain. That turned her into this.

Em:
You take one last look at yourself as you begin to fade back. Ever and Rake, as you both are pulled out of the last respective motes, them fading entirely around you, you slow down. The wisps of the Weave fading behind you, as you seem to travel right up to that archway. There is dark specks of what might be starlight around you, but they are too far away to fathom or reach. You have left the Weave, and you are in the liminal. The Caesura, the pause, a space between. You land on solid ground, the two of you, and the archway stands before you. What would you like to do?

Gina:
I, I look to Rake.

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I don't think we should go through just yet.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Oh, okay.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Are you... are you alright? What did you see?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I... I saw my mother. But, but before, before she was the Matron of Vengeance. I think that… If she knew what she would become… If she knew what she would do... I think she would… She would have wanted us to protect everyone from her.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think so too.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Are you alright? You…”

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I'm okay. I think.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“You said you saw things you weren't supposed to?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I believe so. An eye… Great, and yellow, and sickening.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I saw it too.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Did it see you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I, I don't think so. It was occupied with a young Issilus. Did it see you? Is that how..?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Yes. More than once. They're connected.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“He's the reason she ended up the way she did.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think that's what we're supposed to see here.”

Gina:
And I look back to the archway.

Em:
Ever, as your eyes glance back to the archway, you look up, the beautifully carved stone. Ornate magic runes carved deep into it, thrumming with impressive divine power. Planar portal, across the multiverse, across the Weave, and above it, etched into the stone, is one word. Atonement.

Jannes (as Rake):
“What makes you hesitate?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think there's more to see. I think there's more I haven't… That we don't know. I think the fact that this eye doesn't want me to know.”

Jannes:
Em, would I know that the, that that had been defeated, that that was no longer around?

Em:
You would know that Tharakus is no longer a part of the gods of the Cradle. You have never heard anything about Tharakus before. The only reason you were able to recognize him is because you were in that time. And you successfully rolled to recognize a god.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I think what you felt was… Echoes of his power. I… Tharakus has not been around for a very, very long time.”

Em:
This would be the first time you're hearing the name Tharakus.

Gina (as Ever):
“Tharakus?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“The Betrayer. I-”

Gina (as Ever):
“That’s him. I know it.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I don’t think, I don't think we have anything to fear from him. He's gone.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I… It's not so much that I'm afraid of him, it's… It’s that I'm afraid we'll miss something important if we step through that archway, and time stops. I'm afraid that if we step through that portal that, that… I want to see if there's a way for us to look through it, watch through it, without, without being in it yet. We're safe here. Enough. If we can see what we need to see, and choose when to step through.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“If we step through, I can choose when we decide to stop the time.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't know if that's how it works. Maybe it is.”

Gina:
Em, if I look through the portal, can I see anything happening on the other side?

Em:
The portal is opaque. Some swirls of mist and Weave. Rivulets in the mist. You see strands of the River pulling through it. And I think from that, you understand that there is death on the other side. Not necessarily death for you.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I think the answers that we seek are through there.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think so too.”

Gina:
I don't know if this is how it works, but I'd like to try. I'm going to take a step forward towards the archway. Appearing at it. I'd to try and use a renowned move?”

Em:
Oooh, exciting, okay. Which renowned move would you like to use?

Gina:
I think the vagabond move.

Em:
Okay.

Gina:
Because I have spared a god.

Em:
You have. You’ve spared Tayo. So when you've killed or spared more than one god, you can ask one of the following once per session. And the questions are, what aren't they telling me? What god has a hold on them? Or what do they know of me or my deeds? Which question would you like to ask?

Gina:
I think the question I'd like to ask is what aren't they telling me? It's not that I believe everything I've heard is, is a lie. It's not that I don't trust them. But I think… With that feeling of, there is death on the other side of this, and everything I've seen, I want to know what's happening on the other side before we step through. What don't I know?

Em:
You reach out, placing both hands on the side of the gate. Summoning threads of that divine shard within you. The one that Ungal had hungered for, begged you for. And I'm glad that you touched this portal. You close your eyes, and you reach out, with a kindness, and a divine intuition, begging to understand. As the mist begins to clear through the portal, and you see a figure kneeled down in prayer, quiet and contemplative, with a crack in the wall.

[Light & Dark: Series Theme by Sean McRoberts]
Em:
Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. The voice of Issilus is Aabria Iyengar. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Character and location leitmotifs composed by Si Rutherford of Sounds of Adventure. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. We are grateful to be sponsored by Heroforge, who offer fully customizable miniatures made with their online 3D character creator! Head on over and design your own Godkiller, and get them printed in a variety of materials, including colour printing options! With new content added each week, check out www.heroforge.com to start bringing your character to life! This show is also proudly sponsored by Moonbeam, a better and safer way to stream! Dive into Realms for vibrant community hubs where creators keep 100% of what they earn while protected by Pyxis, a revolutionary moderation tool that learns and adapts to your boundaries. So check them out and join Moonbeam today! Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on our second journey through the Cradle. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive Godkiller bonus content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!