BlackwaterDnD

Em:
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit.

Content warnings for this episode include: betrayal // grief & loss // war // romance // blood // body horror // knives as weapons // harm to animals // threats of violence // assisted suicide

So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance.

Episode 12: Atoning

Em:
The word ‘atonement’, at its root, discusses reparation for a wrong or injury, coming from words in old tongues of unity and oneness. To feel reunited with yourself, to be at peace, rather than cracked or broken from the wrong caused. To make better, and whole. Words from divinities of a sort discussing the removal of obstacles towards a reconciliation from a higher power. So, taking a half step backward, as you stand, Rake and Ever, before this archway, knowing what you now know, seeing what you've now seen, preparing yourself to step into the past. An event that changed the course of both of your lives, written through the millennia of the years, and the Weave itself. We know the both of you are grieving. It's a tie that binds the two of you, for better or for worse. But I think, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, that both of you are attempting to atone, too. What are each of you attempting to atone for, as you've been on this journey?

Gina:
The thought that immediately comes to mind is familiar. That I failed. That I couldn't save him. And that despite all my efforts, all the hours lost, everything I'd sacrificed, and would again in a heartbeat… But it wasn't enough. But I didn't know it wasn't enough. And I didn't know it, and couldn't have known it. And that I'd wasted all that time, not just being with him. Then I think about the anger that I carry. For her. For taking him away, and how it changed me, and hardened me. I think about how I'm not the same person I was when I left home. Just as how I'm not the same as I was before he got sick. And now the… The things I've done. The things I've wanted to do. How easily I turned to vengeance. I don't want the loss of him to turn me into someone I'm not. And I know in this life I cannot remain unchanged but… What if I've become someone unforgivable? Corrupted? What if there's no turning back from this? And I know that this anger and this vengeance is just... Love in heavy armour, but I… I think I'm still just learning how this sort of love works. Feels.

Jannes:
I think for Rake… He's realizing more and more that he's always tried to be someone that others wanted him to be. When he was young, he wanted to be what his father expected him to be. What his father wanted him to be. And then when the Matron took him, he became what she wanted him to be. And now, for the first time, he sees that those expectations, mirrored in the chains on Issilus, are just things that bound him to other people's ideals and wants. And for the first time he's realizing what he wants. And that that can also be worth being and protecting. And with that thought and realization, I think he reaches down, and gently and tentatively grasps Ever's hand. And gives it a squeeze of reassurance, for himself, that he's not walking into this moment that could so easily have been his own future, alone.

Em:
You slip your hand into hers, as Ever pulls her hands back from the archway. These thoughts weighing heavy on you, as the two of you step through. Stepping thousands and thousands of years into the past, on a battlescape frozen in front of you. It is so still. You see bodies of soldiers clad in black armour everywhere. A broken city, laid waste by the Titans, whom themselves are frozen as they attempt to flee from what they know is coming. You see a large willow tree, with someone curled against it attempting to shelter themselves, but knowing that it wouldn't save them. You see a rift of roiling black energy that crackles still, despite time stopping. Ten feet high, ten feet wide, encircling a figure with raven-like wings peeking out. You can feel the divinity escaping from it, and it is starting to spread. And it is now about thirty feet from you, where you walk through. Even though you've stopped time, thanks to Ungal, you know you should not touch. About ten feet further from you, you hear the sound of ragged breathing. You see a large black panther, splayed out, dead, bearing down on a femme-presenting person who is pinned underneath. She is badly injured, but she is moving. This is likely who you came for.

Issilus, you see two figures moving towards you, stepping through, appearing out of nowhere. A blonde woman, wearing simple travelers' clothes, younger than you by a couple years, and a man a few years older than her, but still younger than you. Tall and lithe, clad all in black. You can see raven iconography on him from here, but different than that of the Mistress. What would you like to do?

Aabria:
Issilus, breathing raggedly. I'm going to relax. I try to school my breathing to something calmer. I don't think I have time here to try to scramble out and away from Bast. Even sort of like, playing to relax, I can feel that the chains that are wrapped around me, that run through this large dead cat, are still connected, so there's more to do to disentangle myself than to just get out from under dead weight. So, right now, my instinct is to relax and school myself to something presentable. And I think the like, furrow goes out of her brow, and the like, snarl of effort, and the myriad emotions she's feeling right now, like, all get washed away to something a little more placid. A mask. And what you would see is someone with darker skin, curls that are like, slicked down with sweat, or kind of destroyed from wind and effort, and very like, simple but symmetrical, sort of plain but pretty features, like nothing done to heighten or adorn them. But she is pretty. And she is leaning into that right now as you guys walk over. And she just waits and watches you with her eyes. How far away from me is Eternal's Undoing? I know it got knocked out of my hand.

Em:
It’s probably about, since Bast pushed you backwards, I'd say about twenty feet from you, and another ten feet beyond that is the edge of this shockwave that has already started to ripple out.

Aabria:
Then I think the thing you both would see as you like, got closer, or just looked at where I'm looking, is that her eyes cannot help but dart back to that blade, even as she tries to affect sort of, relax and nonchalance.

Em:
And as both of your eyes follow her line of sight to a blade on the ground, it is uncanny. That was a Eutochian blade at some point. But it too has been corrupted. The crystal is yellow, instead of the purple of what it should be, or the red of what yours is. And, Rake, you see the blood. You smell it immediately. You know exactly what that is. Buloch's blood. The same process. The same type of corruption.

Jannes:
I think Rake let's go of Ever's hand, and makes his way over to where Issilus is trapped, underneath Bast's form. And, I think seeing this person who is almost a mirror of himself. Almost, another person who an angry god made their tool, but didn't have someone like Ever to arrest the process. I think he walks up and he kneels, so that they can look each other in the eye. He will say,

Jannes (as Rake):
“Sister, did you need some help?”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“[groaning with effort] Am I your sister? Who are you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I am also a weapon. Also a child of the mistress.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Are you here as a friend, or a foe, brother?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Neither. I'm here to ask for help.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Of me?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hmm. You have me at a disadvantage.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I believe we both know that's not true.”

Aabria:
You watch, Issilus goes quiet, and like, relaxes down again. Like, you see like a really light tug at that chain. So, now, like, if it wasn't very apparent before, you know that she's, like, physically teth- like, tethered to this, right now. And she's trying to process and figure out who you are, why now… Like the nature of their dress, and like, appearance here. Do they look like they are from now? [laughs]

Em:
That's a great question. The similarity you clock immediately is the raven iconography.

Aabria:
Mmm.

Em:
But much different. While yours has been polished, this is rough. This is.. If the iconography of the Feathered Mistress is a scalpel, whatever his iconography is, is a sledgehammer. Something much changed, and darker.

Aabria:
Interesting.

Em:
And as your face settles on him… When he says a child of the Mistress, you look at the shape of his face. The features are almost bird-like.

Aabria:
Oh…

Em:
An aquiline, strong nose, sharp cut cheekbones and jawline. There is a coyness and a cunning there, but it is genuine with you. So perhaps the phrase ‘child’ is not a euphemism.

Aabria:
Hmm.

Em:
Looking further back, seeing the femme that has come with him. She looks in much plainer attire. A traveler, could be from this time. But you know for a fact he is certainly not.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“I would be very glad of your help. My name is Issilus. Though, I wonder if you already knew that.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I did.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Then you have done this.”

Aabria:
And I just look around, just gesticulating without gesticulating at, you know, the stopped time [chuckles].

Jannes (as Rake):
“I have... My name is Rake.”

Em:
Except when he says that, you don't hear him say the name. There is a static, or a tone. Because, this far in the past, his name hasn't been taken yet. He says a name, but it's no longer there.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“That’s interesting.”

Em:
You hear that, too, Rake.

Jannes:
I think Rake pauses. He's never had, in his memory, an opportunity to use his real name, and have it be heard. Outside of the interaction with other gods. And he tries it again.

Jannes (as Rake):
“My name is Rhys.”

Em:
You can't hear it, Rake. But she does.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Rhys.”

Em:
You hear it back.

Jannes (as Rake):
“[soft chuckle of relief and happiness] Yes ma'am, my name is Rhys.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“What is a lovely name.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you. I have much to share with you, about things to come. Things I… I think you deserve to know.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“The idea that I would deserve anything is interesting. [Rake chuckles] You've found me at a very interesting moment [Issilus laughs and coughs].”

Aabria:
And I think, like as she laughs, she's just getting crushed by, again, a giant panther. [Aabria laughs] And coughs raggedly, and moves inadvertently back to that like ragged pained breathing.

Jannes:
I think you would see Rhys's face smile in a way that, even though he appears younger than you, it's the sort of smile someone in their later years of life gives to someone who just is so naive with the finality of thinking that they don't deserve something. He has this sort of perspective that you can see he, he… Finds it amusing. That you think that you know what you deserve [chuckles].

Jannes (as Rake):
“There will be time to talk, but... It will be easier if you're not being crushed.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Yeah, yes.”

Aabria:
And you watch her put away a reaction to that, like... It's, it’s clear. You watch it wipe away. Microexpresses indignation and tensing, and then in a blink, moves back to relaxed.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Ever, could you, could you help us?”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Ever… Ever and Rhys.”

Gina:
I turned to you as you say my name, but I was only half listening. All I've been hearing is the sound of Nepthysaket’s scream. Because I know that sound. And as you say my name, it breaks me from my thoughts and I turn to you. And I move to you.

Gina (as Ever):
“Of course. Yes, yes.”

Em:
You walk towards him, Ever, and towards the large cat that is crushing Issilus, and as you do so, you take one look behind you. You see who you assume to be Nepthysaket, close to the Mistress, the Matron. Nepthysaket is curled into this giant willow, and you have never seen a tree that big, a trunk as wide. Bigger than those in the Saileach, even bigger than Thielia's tree in the seanmháthair. She is clinging to that tree for dear life. Frozen as well. As you turn back and walk towards them.

Jannes:
And I think we would try to take some time to remove Bast's form from Issilus.

Aabria:
I think once pulled away and freed, like her arm is extended out, held aloft, to the point where it is connected inside of Bast's body. And then she will look at both of you. And with one sharp pull, I'd like to call on whatever power still remains in and around me to like, free myself, and return my chain to me.

Em:
Okay, since you used the word power, I'm gonna have you roll to wield the power. Your chains are an extension of Tharakus's gifts to you, weapons that in your hands, would see his bidding done. I think in this moment you realize that the chains have been growing slowly to get you comfortable with them, to get you used to them, so that if you were to be a weapon for him ongoing, they would become second nature, an extension of your body. So when you wield a power to do something only a god can, roll 2d6, and add one for each true statement. You've done the specific act before perfectly. I'm going to say you've, you’ve extended the chains from your body, and it is now an act of recalling them back. So I don't think so. Are you desperate for this to work, for the chains to return to you?

Aabria:
Now this one's interesting. The moment before the time stop, Issilus had consigned herself to oblivion. She felt herself dying, she thought herself complete in a mission, and wished only to be done. But there is something inside of this, if there is power, I can still call on. Then maybe there is hope for life beyond this moment. I think she is desperate for this to work, only in the sense that the part of her, that like animal part, that lizard brain that wants to continue, wants to know now if I am strong enough to continue.

Em:
Okay. So since we are using Godkiller stats for you, every time you take damage, you mark strain. When you work up your way to five strain, it is essentially a question of whether you die, or you do something else to get you out of that bad situation.

Aabria:
Mmm.

Em:
After this battle, I am going to say you are at three strain.

Aabria:
Okay.

Em:
So if you decide that you are desperate for this to work, you will mark one more.

Aabria:
Not yet.

Em:
Okay. And you're close to a shrine, lair or domain of the god you took this power from. No. So no's across the board. So this is a flat roll.

Aabria:
Okay. [dice roll] Eight.

Em:
On a hit, seven to nine, you do it. Tell me what it looks like as the chains heed your bidding and you harness Tharakus’s power for the first time, truly.

Aabria:
She pulls back, and it is a… It's a sure but gentle thing. And the fact that she is looking to see if the chains will heed her, the moment they begin to do so. You can't see it except for in the movement of like chain moving across itself, uh, moving out of the form and back towards her. She stops looking at the chains, and then returns her gaze to the two of you. And then with like a little extra jerk, there's a moment where, ah, what the chain was wrapped around inside of Bast breaks through. And there is a heart, mangled, bloodied, and blood soaked chain returns, and she now holds the heart in her hand. And there is something in the like, way that she flexes her hand and the chain moves. Issilus's eyes really take in in a way that she wants you to know, Rhys, that she is looking at the iconography of your deity, and may not feel that sisterhood with you, now that she is holding on to a power and it is feeding her back. And she drops the heart.

Em:
Rhys, as you're close enough to Issilus to see this, but you see a ring of yellow around her iris. Faint, but present.

Jannes:
I think as she looks to Rhys with that look of... I think, I think what he picks up on in that look is that there's a shift now that she's free, from where she originally addressed him as brother when he could help her, to now questioning the iconography on his clothing. I think what you would see in return is, she's a predator who has been pretending to be a sheep in a flock for a long time. And she recognizes another predator, even though there is warmth and a smile on his face. She might not agree, or see a similarity in who they follow, but I think it is undeniable that there's a similarity in their bearing. And he says,

Jannes (as Rake):
“Alright, now we can talk.”

Aabria:
And the smile is, yeah, it still stays in that predatory, like, we are not good, space, but there is that like, like recognizes like, and she relaxes again, but this feels real, and not an affectation. Hands sort of gently in her lap, and looks at Ever and looks at Rhys.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Brother. [sighs] Thank you, both. Should you begin or shall I?”

Jannes:
Rake would look to Ever.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Mmm, It might be best if we catch her up on what happens after now. Just to make sure we're all on the same page. What do you think?”

Gina (as Ever):
“You mean show her? Everything she's set in motion?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“At least show her how it's affected us.”

Gina:
I look to the heart, still wrapped in chain. And I don't say it out loud, but I… I wonder if she'd even care.

Gina (as Ever):
“Alright. Show her.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Why?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Why, why show you?”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Why are you here? To show me something?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, we... I'm…”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“No, no, I've gotten that far. The reason you would show me something, is to ask something of me. Information or a favour.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“We can skip. To the ask. I am in your debt. I was dying on the ground and then you saved me. I offer this to you in the best faith I have, with whatever I am now. A play to my emotions is probably not the best route. I've been cursed by a god. I don't really care as much anymore.”

Em:
And as she says, cursed by a god. Rake, your eyes draw again to the knife. You are told that when you attempt to kill a god with the power you have, with the training you have, when with that knife in your hand, you will do it. You never heard about curses.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Alright, if you… Would like to skip that part, we can-”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“I mean, no, you, if you're… [sighs heavily] I cannot imagine the thing you've done to make this opportunity available was easy. Perhaps it was rude of me. You've probably been preparing for this for a while. Go ahead, show me what you want to show me. We're all friends here. Brother. Sister.”

Gina:
When she says that, we're all friends here. I want to try and feel someone out. I want to see if… I don't believe that she sees us as friends. I'm not stupid enough to think that, but I do wonder. In those moments we saw her in, right before we walked through the portal. Does she feel like the playing field has changed somehow by us being here?

Em:
Hmm. So when you try to feel out a person, place, or thing, say what you want clarity about and answer one. The GM will give you the clarity you seek as they answer the other. The two questions are, what feels welcoming on the surface? And, what feels dark or unnerving as I peer deeper?

Gina:
I think what feels welcoming on the surface is everything that she is trying to be. How curated all her responses are, the smile on her face, the… The way she looks at Rhys, the way she looks at me, like a snake looks at a bird. It's a facsimile of kindness. And it feels welcoming on the surface, I wonder if it's... I fear it's more.

Em:
And I actually think it would be better if Aabria answered the other question. So, when Ever looks at you, trying to feel you out, figure out what's going on. Take stock, gain some insight. What feels dark or unnerving to her as she peers deeper?

Aabria:
The thing that is so dark and unnerving, is the... The fatalism from her final moments. No emotion lasts forever. Not even the despair she was in before you stepped through and stopped time. That is leaving her. And she is unfortunately returning back to herself. And the darkest thing you see in her, is a seed of hope. And that hope is through you, in the same way that the hope of finishing the job of killing her former deity was through both Bast and her sister. Her hope is not a good thing.

Jannes (as Rake):
“The truth is, Issilus, you die here today. And the Feathered Mistress dies as well. Not today. But from what you did. And so does the one in chains.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hmm.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“What you do to her today eventually leads to his death as well.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“If you think I have great love in my heart for Tharakus, you are mistaken. I did what I did to restore balance to this world. You are from whatever and whenever happens. Later. Was I wrong, in your estimation?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“What you did was wrong.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hm, that's not what I asked.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I think the only mistake you made was you didn't let her help you.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Who?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Nepthysaket. You know, I don't know if this is insult, or offers some sort of comfort, but where I'm from, when I'm from… She now ferries those in place of the Mistress.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“But she is alive?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She's a god. And she is not perfect, by any means. But she is, I, I'm starting to realize, doing her best.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“That's not very godlike, is it? [Rake chuckles] You've mentioned my sister.”

Aabria:
And I look back to where she is against the tree.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“An appeal to emotion. Why are you here manipulating me? What do you want? Speak plainly. I did not much enjoy that.”

Aabria:
And I think at this point, uh, she dropped the heart, but the chain was still wrapped around it coming from her hand. And I will shatter that heart [deep metal clang] in order to like, fully free the chain, and restore it to like, wrapping back and coiling back inside me, and just spend time sitting in my lap, rolling up my sleeves.

Em:
You see that the chains, Issilus, as she easily does this, as if they are other appendages of hers, now have moved all the way up to her shoulders [chains moving against each other] and bury themselves under her collarbone. [Issilus groans]

Jannes (as Rake):
“When you failed to kill the Mistress,”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hmm.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She was saved. In a sense. But she returned,”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hm.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“As the Matron of Vengeance.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“And that's who you serve.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“That's who I used to serve.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Interesting.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She's my mother.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Oh. Ohhhhh.”

Aabria:
And I'm going to push myself up to standing.

Em:
Issilus stands almost your height, Rake, shy of six feet. She's a powerfully imposing figure. You can see her, a vision of her, in your mind's eye standing up, commanding. Asking for the respect of all those who serve the Mistress, and receiving it in spades. Even in this contorted form, she is someone who understands what it is like to be listened to, respected and followed.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“So you have to know what you've done here. I die here, she does not. And yet, what an opportunity before me. There she is. Here we are. I could finish the job.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“And I will gladly let you, if it meant that she actually died when we're from.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hmm. Isn't there something [dramatic sigh] that may disrupt your existence if I were to, say, pick up that knife we both keep looking at, and slit her throat? Would you cease to be? Would you never be? Then you would never be able to come to this point in time and stop me from dying under the, well now I'm just confused. What are we doing here, Rhys? Ever? What do want?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“We need to know how to get rid of her. So we came to the one person who came closest to doing it before.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Ohh. Oh. [pushes out a quick sigh] You could have started with that. So. Why should I tell you? Will you kill me if I don't? Well, hold on, I was already going to die here, according to you. So that's not a great threat. Why should I tell you?”

Aabria:
And my eyes immediately snap over to Ever, who's been so quiet, and so interested in the eternal screams of my dear sister.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Why?”

Gina (as Ever):
“She wants your sister dead. Because of what you've done. Did you know that?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, how would I? I die here today. I didn't even know I didn't kill her. It's been a bit of a rough day. [chuckles] Perhaps I should mention that every action has a cost, and a repercussion. And in my attempts to slay the Feathered Mistress, I was cursed to never know or feel the bond of another. So, again, you have tried a second time to leverage the love you think I bear for my sister against me. That's not going to work.”

Aabria:
And there's just like, that moment where you see like, something internal to her trying to catch up to like what she's saying.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“So?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“That's an interesting curse. Strange.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Is it?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“You were cursed for killing her, and here I stand telling you that she’s not dead.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“A good point. A very good point.”

Em:
And Issilus, you would have a sense, as curses tend to work, that things get bad when you try and violate it. So perhaps a test would tell you one way or another.

Aabria:
There's something internal to Issilus that like, flexes in the direction of Nepthysaket, and then backs away, not of fear of reprisal, or like, supplication to divinity, but, and I'm curious if Ever and Rhys would be able to notice it. The realization of a weakness, like feeling a crack in your tooth, and not wanting to play with it too much, because it is a point of, will this hurt? And will I make something in me vulnerable and worse if I press it?

Em:
I think there is enough of a direness with the state of what you were pulled out of, that they can at the very least see the cogs turning, as you deeply, deeply consider what Rhys has just said.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Maybe you’re, maybe you're scared.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“What would I be scared of?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It can be terrifying to love someone who might not love you back after what you've done.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Oh, you're projecting your mommy issues on me now? I'm not her.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No. I'm understanding when I see the issues that I have in someone else.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hmmmm.”

Em:
Ever what is on your face as he says that? I have to know.

Aabria:
[laughs gleefully] Me too!

Gina:
I think you see just… A combination of a few things on her face, you see sadness. You see regret. You see… That, the look of someone who deeply understands. Who feels that feeling in the depth of their soul. And knows that there's nowhere else for it to go. But for it to stay hidden.

Aabria:
I would like to shoot one of my chains out to grab my knife, and flick it in Ever’s direction.

Em:
Are you trying to hurt her?

Aabria:
I am... You know what? It's not about her. I'm trying to hurt Rhys. He hurt my feelings. I'm trying to hurt his back.

Em:
Okay. Then I'm going to say you're to use the move here, challenge someone dangerous. So when you challenge someone dangerous in front of an audience, three's a crowd, say what foolish or risky action you hope they'll take, and roll 2d6. So what are you hoping he does here?

Aabria:
I'm hoping he shows me just what he's capable of, to like, I want to know, via his reaction, if Ever is his weak point the way my sister is mine. And I want to, like, power check him. What is he going to do to stop this from happening? I wanna know if he's scarier than I am.

Em:
Okay. So, we'll add one for each true statement. They care about your opinion.

Aabria:
Absolutely they do. They stopped time to come talk to me.

Em:
They think they're stronger than you.

Aabria:
Oh, he wouldn't have made his smug little smile when I was trapped under Bast if that wasn't true.

Em:
[laughs] And the crowd is on your side. I don't think it is.

Aabria:
No, but that's never stopped me anyway. [laughs]

Em:
So this is going to be a plus two.

Aabria:
Oh, my dice hate me! This is awful. It's four on the dice, plus two for a six.

Em:
Okay, on a miss, six and below, your target turns the tables on you with cutting words, very real threats, or quick action. Suffer two strain to resist their provocations, or you immediately do something foolish and risky in response. So, what we know is that you are at three strain. If you take two strain, that will put you at five. Which enacts one of our crucible moves, which is when you suffer a fifth strain. So, if you choose not to take the two strain, you immediately do something foolish and risky in response, but regardless, Rhys will turn the tables on you here. Rhys, perhaps I'll ask you first then. In a flash, the chain whips out from a Issilus with a straight hand outward, wraps around Eternal’s Undoing and whips it and throws it towards Ever. What do you do?

Jannes:
I would like to wield a power.

Em:
Absolutely.

Aabria:
Yay!

Em:
And then we will see what foolish and risky thing as Issilus does in response!

Aabria:
Yeah, yeah, I'm for sure, we're going foolish and risky. Let me be so clear. Just let me know what I'm working with. [laughs]

Em:
[laughs] Absolutely. And in a sense, this is what you wanted.

Aabria:
Yep!

Em:
You wanted him to show you this power. Okay. So when you wield a power to do something only a god can, you're going to roll 2d6. Rhys, what power are you wielding here?

Jannes:
Ah, I'm wielding the only power I have left, the power of time manipulation.

Em:
[gasps] Okay, a gift from Ungal. Add one for each true statement. You've done the specific act before, perfectly.

Jannes:
No.

Em:
You've been getting pretty good at stopping time.

Jannes:
That's not what I'm doing though.

Em:
No it's not? Okay.

Aabria:
Oooohhh.

Em:
Are you desperate for this to work? Because I think the question there is, the knife will fly at Ever. And there's two things it seems like you're hoping to accomplish. Thing one, stop the knife. Thing two, flex.

Jannes:
Ah, yeah, I would say I'm desperate because it's Ever's life at stake.

Em:
Okay, so you're gonna take one more strain.

Jannes:
Yeah, I think that puts me at three.

Em:
It does. And I think if we're doing a strain check, we've got Ever at two, Rake at three, Issilus at three. And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the god you took this power from? No. In this time period, Ungal is nowhere to be seen. So that is going to be a plus one.

Jannes:
I rolled an eight, plus one is a nine.

Em:
On a hit, you do it. Tell me what you do here.

Jannes:
I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, Issilus is watching me through this whole interaction to gauge my response.

Aabria:
Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

Jannes:
I think she would see that my eyes do not leave her. I watch the chain whip out, catch the blade and fling it at Ever. And it, when it gets so close that she might even fear that she had misread me, it stops, and reverses, and it goes backwards and meets the chain and the chain comes back to her, as if she never did it.

Aabria:
Ohhh.

Jannes:
And I look her in her eyes and I say...

Jannes (as Rake):
“You tried and you failed to kill a god. I have held three gods’ lives in my hands and chosen to forgive them.”

Em:
You have never seen anyone do this before. This is power unknowable, more power than any mortal has ever wielded, that you know of. As far as you know, you are the only being who has ever even come close to killing a god. Yet he has taken the power of something beyond his reach, and used it effortlessly. What foolish or risky thing do you do in response?

Aabria:
The knife returns to her hand in the chain, and as if she has never done it, and her heart rate spikes. There is something deep within her that even she isn't registering now. Regret, remorse. The wish that she could take it back, that she could take back the course of her life over the last year. Something in that, but her heart is beating, and she feels something, and this moment doesn't feel real, and she sees herself screaming in frustration and lashing out and attacking Ever and ripping Rhys limb from limb, and then she opens her eyes when were her eyes closed? She is standing in front of Rhys, and everything in her, overwhelmed. She's going to kiss him. She wraps herself around him as, I mean, I don't know how he's going to react, but it is her body surging as if to pounce or attack. But then her lips so gently and tentatively, as if all of the bravado and overwhelm and foolishness and riskiness in the moment of meeting is… A little shy, and a little bashful. But she kisses him.

Em:
That was a test. Your curse said that you could never have a bond towards another person. There is no hellfire. There is no retribution from a divine place. You didn't kill a god. Rhys, what do you do?

Jannes:
With your arms wrapped around him, you feel the rigidity in his body, the… Fact that he was caught completely unaware, and unguessing that this is the action that you would take.

Em:
A rare moment for Rhys in this regard. Usually pretty good at predicting when that's going to happen.

Jannes:
And he meets you at that point of the soft gentle kiss, and matches that intensity and intention. And then you feel him wrap you in a hug that is not one that has any expectation tied to the hug, but one of someone… It's the hug you give someone who you love, who you haven't seen in a long time, and they've returned home. And he just holds you. And you hear him whisper in your ear,

Jannes (as Rake):
“I need you to be okay. I need to know that I can be okay. We have both done things, and hurt people. And I need to believe that we are not beyond redemption.”

Aabria:
And, she allows herself to be embraced, and embraces you, and I think in that hug she relaxes, but the truth of a body is different than the gesturing, and like affectation, you feel her actually relax. And maybe just that little bit of warmth of a tear, where she is physically like, her face is making contact with you. And she allows herself to be held for the first time in so long. And something breaks. A tension, or a fear, or an anger that she was trying to hold. And will after probably, like, a minute, sigh and then step back. I think the person you see… If you saw her before, before the first nightmare, that's who's standing in front of you for however long this moment, this spell that you've woven inside of the spell of this time stop, has wrought.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“I can’t… I want… I want to give you that. I can't yet. But maybe… [sighs] Let's begin with this. You want to know how. How I attempted it. This knife, of course, though I think you recognize it. The weakness, the flaw, the space between her ribs, between her wings that would allow me to strike true. She can only be killed by someone she loves with her whole divine self. It was that love between us, I for her, she for me, that brought me to him. That is the truth.”

Aabria:
And I think at this point, I'll look over towards Ever.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Sorry about that.”

Aabria:
[laughs] With like the tiniest, she like, little, it's not fully cowed. It's just a little sheepish. [laughs] Little smirk, little sheepish.

Gina:
Ever clocks that.

Gina (as Ever):
“You have the opportunity to make this right. to help your sister. I know you want that.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Yes, more than anything.”

Gina (as Ever):
“You love her.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“More than anything.”

Gina (as Ever):
“And I know that if you were to lose her, it would feel like something is wrenched from your chest. That can never be replaced.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Would you like to know a secret? I already thought I lost her. I already mourned the love of the person that I care about most in this world. I was ready. Eager for death. I wanted the world to swallow me whole. For what I had done. For the look that I saw in her eyes. And then you two showed up. Now there is hope again. [sniffles] She survives. Becomes… Becomes a god. I thought today was the end of my world. But, if there is a future with her in it, I will guard it with whatever is left in me. That is the truth. Whatever you need of me, I will gladly give it.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Can I tell you a secret?”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Yeah.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I hated your sister, for so long. [continuing through stifled sobs] I blamed her for, for taking away the one person who, the person I love the most in this world. I blamed her for making a choice that I thought… Something I thought was a choice. And, after seeing all of this. And how much you love her. And how much she loves you... Still. [a sob catches in Issilus’s throat] She loves you. And the Mistress wants her dead. And she's trying to use me to do it. And Rhys.”

Aabria:
And Issilus is staggered in this moment. It is too much. It’s all so much. She was frozen for two weeks, waiting for a moment, and now she knows that moment didn't... It didn't happen the way she expected, and there's a whole future that is unraveled from where she thought the end of her story would be. And you are just watching a person, regardless of their power or their expectation, grappling with the eternal in real time. And I think the manifestation that is, a flexing of her hands, and like, a movement in her body, and the chains coil, and you now see her reacting to them as if they are foreign to her again. Uncomfortable.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“[sighs] I wish we had more time. But I know you have more to do. Love and hate are close. Same coin. For all of the love I hold for my sister, but I hate to the same extent. It’s a manipulation of any god. I know that now. I know it like I know my fingerprints, or the smile of my sister. I wanted her dead to restore balance in this world. Perhaps I get my wish through you. Who will not let her manipulate another human soul. And that's not just because her aim is my sister, though, it helps. [voice cracking with brimming tears] But if you had to feel for one second what I felt for just a minute between landing that blade and when you walked through whatever you walked through to be here. I would spare you it. Whatever you need of me. My heart blood is yours. Please save her! Please free yourselves.”

Gina:
I'd like to try and wield a power here.

Em:
Absolutely. What would you like to do?

Gina:
Well, I don't know if it'll work the way that I want it to, but I have the power of creation.

Em:
You do. A gift from Tayo.

Gina:
I want to see if I can use that power like I used Thielia's power back in the tavern, in an opposite way. I want to see if I can use the power of creation, to, in its reverse, to remove something.

Em:
What would you like to remove?

Gina:
Issilus’s chains.

Em:
Yeah. I'll let you wield the power to try that. I'd actually argue that as an extension of Tayo's power of creation, you are tapping into Tayo's humanity. You are returning Issilus away from the divine. You are returning her humanity. Tell me how you approach this and then we'll roll for it.

Gina:
I would walk up to you, gently, and cross that barrier from when we are standing, like having a conversation to standing more intimately. And I'll reach a hand up, which if you notice, it is already starting to glow, just slightly. And I hover over where I see the chains up on your shoulders, on your neck. And I'm looking over you. And I don't even think I realize it, but I've been crying this, this whole time, my cheeks are shining in the light here. Then I look to you, and place a hand on your face if you let me.

Aabria:
Yes.

Gina (as Ever):
“She loves you. She loved you then. And she loves you now. And I know that this isn't who you want to be.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“No…”

Gina (as Ever):
“I see you.”

Gina:
I lean my forehead in to touch yours.

Aabria:
She immediately returns the gesture.

Gina:
And I'm thinking, in my mind, of what I saw in that vision of Issilus and Nepthysaket on either side of the door. And I close my eyes, and I try to will that feeling of humanity, that to envision the chains. Disappearing.

Em:
I can't think of a better use for this power. So when you wield a power to do something only a god can, roll 2d6 and add one for each true statement. You've done the specific deck before perfectly. No. Are you desperate for this to work?

Gina:
No, but I'd like it to.

Em:
Enough to mark a strain? I believe that would bring you up to three.

Gina:
I think I really want it to work, so yes.

Em:
Okay, you can mark that one strain. And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the god you took this power from. The entire world of Teris, from its creation, to the Cradle. Through to things you don't even know, like the upcoming Oblivion. All of that is Tayo's domain. Tayo shaped the world with their hands, created the first beings from the mud. You are attempting to gift humanity back to Issilus. Reshape her. To something she can be proud of. So that's gonna be a plus two.

Gina:
I rolled a three and a two for a five. Plus two is a seven. Just hits.

Em:
So on a hit, you do it. Issilus, those chains are so foreign to you, but they are your tether to divinity. You have had many throughout your life. Whether your ties to the Mistress, or this now, and as Ever approaches you, her hand on your cheek, you feel her divinity. It beams off of her. And I think you recognize where hers comes from immediately. And it's more powerful than it should be. Her hand glows a soft green, the colour of the Wilds, the colour of growth, tinged with a gold. And you recognize that immediately. I'm not gonna even roll to have you recognize a god. She carries part of Thielia, the Maiden of the Deep Woods. The Goddess of the Wilds, within her. And it is stronger than she knows it is. Those chains feel foreign, and you watch as they begin to retreat and you hear them pouring out of your hand. [chains moving] They collapse into a coil on the floor, unweaving themselves from your skin, unlacing themselves from your bone and your sinew and your soul, and they pile down into a heap on the ground. They are out of your body.

Aabria:
Before that happens and this action is complete, may I do something?

Em:
Absolutely. The answer's always gonna be yes.

Aabria:
[laughs] I'd like to, in that final moment, unleash whatever divinity I have left. I know chains. I can feel the way these two are bound, and the gift they have given me, in just the knowing of what happens next. Of my sister, was gift enough, and I wish I could grant them some boon with whatever strength I have left. But the origin of my divinity is a god of chains and binding, so I'd like to lean into that, and unbind them, if I can. And if you allow it, I would love to remove their strain. One final link, as that last bit of chain pours out of Issilus. I would hold it, push it back into me, a bond I am happy to keep and bear for them.

Em:
Wow. So aboveboard, if we were creating a full Godkiller for you, as Issilus, there are four origins. The Nobody, The Wronged, The Devout, and The Godling. Issilus, you are a devout. At one point, your divinity was soft, radiant, and enviable. Your divine trigger is when you expose hidden cruelty, lies, and the manipulation of a god, to the mortals that worship them. And I think that's what this has been. So when this occurs, you awaken your divinity, and prepare to unleash it. Unleashing your awakened divinity, you describe how your godhood surges forth as you exert your will upon reality. You accomplish a single brilliant feat with one side effect of your choosing. Clearing them of their strain, even if it means that you carry a bond, still, to Tharakus. You get to choose one of these side effects. It is brief, it is obvious, or it is unstable.

Aabria:
I think the thing Issilus would have wished for, would have been to do this great act, and have no one know. But I think it is obvious. I think she is beginning to gear up for something, and can't hide it. And yeah, it is that last link from the chain. It snaps off, but it glows with the gold that I will not associate with a deity, but with Ever. And with a warmth that I will associate with Rhys's embrace. And I will push it back into my skin, and let that close over. I want them to be unburdened as much as I can, because whatever comes next, I will not be able to keep from them, or guard them, or help them through. There's only now. And that's a tragedy.

Em:
The link depresses itself under your skin, as the skin heals over. The final act of Ever's power and your power, clashing. Cooperating with each other. And if you were to live beyond this day, you would carry this. A sign of what you did, and a cost to it. You're currently at three strain. If you were to live past this day, you would always be at at the very least, three strain, as you've unburdened them and carried it as your own.

Aabria:
With Ever's hand still on my face, I'll return the opposite gesture. But, it's higher up, just a gentle stroke of her thumb across the skin of your temple, and your hair, and the ridge of your ear.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Thank you, sister. Thank you.”

Aabria:
[pushes down the tears] And Issilus breaks the embrace, moves her forehead from yours, drops her hand, and moves her, like, face away from your hand.

Em:
If the history books were to write about you, knowing what they knew now, your moniker would no longer be Issilus the Broken Sister, but Issilus the Bonded Sister.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“It's a shame. This is a moment out of time.”

Jannes:
I think as Rhys hears you say that, you feel his hand on your shoulder. He looks at you and he says,

Jannes (as Rake):
“This? This is real. We have to... We have to go.”

Aabria (as Issilus): [crying]
“Yeah, I know.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I will tell her. I will let her know, that at the end, you were the sister that she knew that you were.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Thank you.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you.”

Aabria (as Issilus): [crying continues]
“Rhys, have to ask you to do something,”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Of course.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“So that you are not made a liar. When you go, I don't know if I can consign myself to death. I, I am changed by this. By you both.”

Aabria:
And the knife that has been in my hand the entire time, I press into yours. Hilt into your hand, mine, wrapped over your fingers. Blade at my heart.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Please let me end here. I know it's not an easy thing, and you have been merciful in the past. Please know that I consider this a mercy. Let the last thing I remember, be the love of my sister, and your kindness. Because if I go back to that, I don't know what I will become. It's just a hug, brother.”

Jannes:
And without saying a word, Rhys will hug Issilus, and the fact that it's not done from behind, or in the back, but face to face. I think that really means something to Rhys, as he just holds her close. Temple to temple.

Aabria:
Yeah.

Em:
She doesn't struggle. She leans into you. There have been many times where you have felt someone's life drain under your hand. This is a singular experience. Her head comes to rest on your shoulder. And you hear her breathing slow, and then stop. Issilus, what are you thinking about as you feel yourself go?

Aabria: [crying throughout]
I was just so grateful that the curse was a lie. I… [sigh] I'm thankful. And if there is fear, it's only that this isn't real. That this moment of redemption never came. And that I will open my eyes and be the author of some new horror in this world. Because I never met them. Because I was never changed, never unchanged. So I close my eyes, and relax into the warmth of his embrace. And I pray to myself, to the Feathered Mistress. To Chained Chaos. To my sister who will someday be a god. Please, let my eyes close and do not let them open again. Please let me relax.

Em:
And even though there is no active stop of time enacted by Rake or Ungal, this is a pocket outside of time. This moment was not prophesized to happen. The moment before you thought you were going to die, one of your last thoughts was that no one would ferry you. That there would be nothing but an endless floating. A void, and oblivion. You feel yourself, your soul step away from your body. You see, Rhys and Ever held, stopped within a stop. You turn around, getting a sense of who this version of you is. And you see Bast. Sat down on his hind legs, looking at you, his tail swishing. [purring] You can hear the rumble of the purr from where you are.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Hello sir.”

Aabria:
And in the silly greeting that she's used so many times, immediately like, makes that little like… [clicks tongue] sound that she would make to a tiny cat she found on the street, and goes over to Bast, and tries to pet him, if he'll let her.

Em:
The second you walk close, he goes to meet you, leaning his head down, immediately taking under your hand, rubbing his head against your hip.

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Oh, hello buddy. I'm so sorry.”

Em:
There is no malice, no anger. Nothing held against you. As his head is under your hand, you see him softly open his mouth, and use… Use his mouth to grab your wrist. He's not trying to bite you. And you see him start to walk and pull.

Aabria:
She follows immediately.

Em:
He leads you over towards Thall Bask, the tree. He pauses for a moment. Looking up at you, and looking over at Nepthysaket. He nods, and he takes you and walks towards her.

Aabria:
I think there is just that little bit of hesitation, enough to justify that he never removed her wrist from his mouth, and she needs the pressure of his teeth and that insistence to keep moving forward, because all of the guilt and shame, those very mortal feelings are not gone from her yet in this moment. And she is grateful to be pulled forward.

Em:
Bast has always been intuitive. Perhaps something he learned from her. He lets go of your wrist, and he walks behind you, and pushes you forward with his head. Encouraging you to walk, what looks to be into the tree.

Aabria:
She looks just a little over her shoulder, but her eyes can't stay away from this tableau. The tree, her sister, a Mistress. There is no way through, but forward. So, deep breath. Still a little unsure if any of this is real, if any of it was real. I remember… It's weird to say remember, it was minutes ago. Or forever. Time isn’t here. But I think on Ever's grace, and Rhys's kindness and empathy. And if I am not enough in this moment, I will reach to them, and the bonds I carry in my body of them, and use their bravery and step forward to the tree.

Em:
Bast lets you take the walk alone. This is your journey. He's already made his. The Thall Bask is not just a tree. It is a pillar that upholds the barriers between the planes. Separating the material from the divine. You walk through the tree, feeling the burden of mortality leave you. You drift for a while. You don't know how long. It feels like going to sleep. That hazy sleep that comes at the end of a hot summer. Slowly, you start to feel yourself peel from the depths of a slumber. And you hear a humming. It pulls you up, as we see you study the inside of your eyelids for a moment, as you slowly come to consciousness. As you feel a hand start to brush through your hair. And as you're wondering where you are, you hear something so familiar.

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Hello. I missed you. I've got you.”

Aabria (as Issilus): [crying]
“I don’t wanna open my eyes.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“You don't have to. So let's just sit here a while.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Okay. I love you so much.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I love you too. I always have.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“I always will.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Not even death.”

Aabria (as Issilus):
“Not even death.”

Em:
Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. The voice of Issilus, The Broken Sister, is Aabria Iyengar. The voice of Tharakus, Abyss in Chains, is Si Rutherford. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. This episode was edited, scored, and produced by Si Rutherford. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. We are grateful to be sponsored by Heroforge, who offer fully customizable miniatures made with their online 3D character creator! Head on over and design your own Godkiller, and get them printed in a variety of materials, including colour printing options! With new content added each week, check out www.heroforge.com to start bringing your character to life! This show is also proudly sponsored by Moonbeam, a better and safer way to stream! Dive into Realms for vibrant community hubs where creators keep 100% of what they earn while protected by Pyxis, a revolutionary moderation tool that learns and adapts to your boundaries. So check them out and join Moonbeam today! Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on our second journey through the Cradle. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive Godkiller bonus content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!