BlackwaterDnD

Em:
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit.

Content warnings for this episode include: intensive exploration of death // multiple depictions of substance use // discussion of overdosing // allusions to and discussion of suicide // romance // heartbreak // parent-child conflict // grief & loss //

So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance.

Episode 15: Imbibing

Em:
His hand slides back into yours, Ever, but you felt it go. You felt the cool of his fingers and palms slip from yours, the wisps of the liminal swirling between your fingers, as you rush away towards… Somewhere. While absolutely no time has passed since leaving Avaris in Ninth Shadow back in Glass, or so you hope, you do need to land somewhere. Where are the two of you trying to go?

Jannes:
I think… I think Hood would be a good place to set up camp, um, with everything that happened in Glass.

Em:
You begin to slow as you arrive at another archway, your feet hitting a soft ground, though it does hold you firmly. You look up, and the doorway reads, ‘Sacrifice’. Sacrifice, coming from words in old tongues, meaning to make an offering to some higher divine power, as a means of seeking boon, purification, or atonement. Give something to a god, and they will give something to you. Though older tongues and deeper languages of the world will tell you, sacrifice at its truest form refers to an act that will set something apart, to make it holy, or imbue it with divinity. And that to do this, you must give something up, or destroy it. Jannes, I'm going to have you take your headphones out for this. Ever, when you see the word on the archway, what are you thinking about? What have you sacrificed?

Gina:
I think the first thing I think of is… The life I had before I left. Is that something that I can never actually come home to? I feel like with everything that's happened, what I had before is gone.

Em:
And maybe this is a more poignant question. What would you sacrifice, if you needed to, to see this through?

Gina:
I think in all of this I've had this vision of being able to go home, but if it's not safe for me to do that, or if I… If the people waiting for me couldn't love me when I get there… Then I would have to sacrifice that.

Em:
Gina, I'll have you take your headphones out for this. Rake, when you see the word on the archway, ‘Sacrifice’, what are you thinking about? What have you sacrificed?

Jannes:
I think for Rake what comes to mind, as is normal for him, is not the things that he's done, but the things that have been done to him. I think he thinks about all the sacrifices that have been made to make him what he is. The sacrifices that were made, not necessarily of his choosing. I think he's torn, because sacrifices aren't always bad, but they are always bad if you don't get to choose them. And I think he looks at that door and he thinks about everything that he's lost, everything he's been forced to give up, and about how now, for the first time, he has something, someone, that he would make sacrifices for.

Em:
What would you sacrifice for her? If you needed to to see this through?

Jannes:
Everything. Everyone. In his mind the world could end, as long as her light still shone.

Em:
Okay. Hand in hand, you step through the doorway, and it's like your breath comes back to you. Like it was held in your chest, every molecule of your being on some form of pause, while within the liminal. Ages and ages could have gone by, with nothing of your physical body changing. You have traveled thousands of kilometers between breaths, between blinks. A simple step, from Glass to Hood, one foot in front of the other. Truly, you have no idea exactly how long has passed, but it must have been at least a short while, because it is nighttime. Rake, an act of long distance travel such as this, walking out of one place and stepping into another, is not new to you. You do this from the Flood all the time. But Ever, this is entirely new. The climate is different. Whereas you can always feel a bit of moisture in the air within the temperate rainforest of Temisset and its surrounding areas, this place is drier. It's cold, but drier. You step out, into a back alley in Hood. The sounds of evening revelry are pleasant and copious. This town is, in its own way, alive. Different than the verdance of Temisset, bursting at the seams with all matter of flora, the sounds of the forest permeating their way from the Wildwood right into the center of the town square, if you listen the right way. But here… There is the urbanity of Glass, without much of the pomp and circumstance. If there was a heart to Hood, it would be within its denizens and their dreams, both those they indulge in while awake, and those they are permitted to explore within the Dreamscape while they are asleep. The street you're on is relatively quiet, as you take a quick look out. You know that the main thoroughfares are a few blocks over, but for now, from this vantage point, you are relatively well hidden. Where would you like to go?

Gina:
I think the first thing that I do as we touch down in Hood before we go anywhere is, when we're out of the strangeness of altered time, I shrug my bag off one of my shoulders and I check for Rowan. Is he all right?

Em:
He is there, safe and sound. Snuggled in amongst blankets, you see the corner of some bread and some of the fruit in your bag, nibbled away. He got hungry, but he is there.

Gina (as Ever):
“[small sigh of relief] Oh…”

Gina:
I think at this point I kneeled wherever we're standing, and I reach into the bag and I just squeeze his little face, and I hold it in my hands and I kiss the little spot between his eyes.

Gina (as Ever):
“Good job staying safe, and out of sight, little buddy, are you all right?”

Em:
He rouses from his slumber, and lifts a sleepy eyelid, looking up at you. The liminal space was for you and Rake. Rowan came with you as a companion, but it seems like no time has passed for him. No other experience. He was asleep, and now he is awake.

Gina:
Okay. I just, I nod to him and tuck him back in. Carefully pull the bag up over my shoulder, and look to Rake.

Jannes:
I think you would see Rake standing there, watching you with a smile on his face. Just, just desperate for… The moments that he shares with you that resemble something normal. Just, enjoying the simple moments that aren't the running, and he would sort of shake himself from that moment.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Um, there's a place, not far from here, that I used to stay while I was here.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“We can go there?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay, um, how, how far away is it?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Oh, it's not far, Hood’s, though big, is not anything compared to Glass. It's a simple place, but we can rest and… And plan.”

Gina:
I nod and look around.

Gina (as Ever):
“Are we safe here? They're looking for us.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She will be looking. But we're as safe as we can be anywhere.”

Gina (as Ever):
“The guards, the… Ashmedai’s soldiers… They know what we look like, don't they?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“They do, but we are very far from anywhere under his influence. We will be safe from him there, I'm more worried about… About…”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yeah. We have to be quick. She will have noticed that I've been missing.”

Gina:
I nod again, looking around.

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay.”

Jannes:
And Rake would take Ever to the, um, to the room that he keeps here, in Hood.

Em:
He leads you through darkened streets, cobblestones, not the more… Industrialized streets, like in Glass. The alleys are small. The buildings, more rudimentary. There is a quaintness here. You hear the sounds of people laughing. Joy, and sorrow. A busy night in a town that never truly sleeps, but is also never truly awake. It doesn't take long from where you've landed, Rake, for you to make your way towards the back steps of the house where you rent the room on the top floor. The door would be locked, as it was when you left it.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I just need to grab a couple things. Some supplies, and then, um, we should try and find some way of getting in touch with Nepthysaket.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay. Um, do you, do you want me to wait out here? Or do you, should I?

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, no, come in, come in.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay.”

Jannes:
He would unlock the door, and enter, and he would just sort of immediately start pulling things out of the cupboard and packing them in his bag, removing the sort of like, empty vials and things that he's used since he's last been here. I think he would probably sort of change his, at least his shirt. Dunk his head in some water, and sort of freshen up. But he very much is, at this point, always in a state of movement. He senses that time is short. He knows that at any point, his mother could call for him, and he is terrified that that will happen before they have everything in place.

Em:
As that thought runs through your head, Rake, pulling your head up and pulling your hair back, tying it off… You look over to the claw-foot bathtub. There is still water in it from when you were last here.

Jannes:
He clocks it, and he walks over to it and I think he… He pulls the plug and lets it start to drain.

Em:
You get lost for a moment in watching it fall down, slowly lowering within the tub as you remember the falling sensation. That long fall towards her, coming just when she called. He's in the bathroom for a few minutes, Ever, as you look around. And I think you see, for the first time, this is a place where Rake lives. For someone who seems to never put down roots anywhere, this is the close as it's gonna get. You don't see many personal belongings, but the colours; dark, rich, lavish. There is a sense of non-gaudy opulence here. It's well appointed. A fireplace, long cold, but you can imagine it warm with coals. Him sitting on a chair reading a book. Having tea. The bed is made. It doesn't look like it's been slept in, as he emerges from the bathroom.

Jannes:
And I think, I think if Ever has had that moment in the room by herself, and she was sort of looking around, she might have clocked a letter just peeking out from underneath the pillow of the bed.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Um, did you need anything?”

Gina (as Ever):
“This place feels different from the, the bookstore.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yeah, this is… This is as close as I've ever come to having a home, since I was young. This place has always been an escape for me. It's not much.”

Gina (as Ever):
“No, it… It feels nice here.”

Em:
You can see her relax a little bit, Rake, I think your mind wanders too. To all the places it shouldn't, and can't.

Jannes:
Ever, I think you clock in Rake something you might never have seen with him before. There is a almost… Theres, it's almost as though he's a young boy again, and you see there's a desire for him to show you his things. To share with you the few material objects that he has, that carry meaning to him. And just as quickly as that moment is there, he notices that, he feels that pursuit.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Um, we should go, I, I don't… I'm trying to think if I know of a place here that would have a tie to the Nepthysaket.”

Em:
You rack your brain, trying to remember, and you realize you've seen no outright temple to Nepthysaket in Hood. If there was one, it would be small, maybe just a shrine. But, something does clock for you. You remember the one place where you've not seen, but heard about, a priestess of Nepthysaket. You recall a moment where you ventured into the deeper rooms, within the Apropos Tea House. You remember hearing about a figure in robes, amidst a swirl of gray smoke, that would dole out doses of some substance, and keep an eye on the parishioners that joined her in sermon, for lack of better words. You know you have never done whatever substance she oversees.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Though I don't know where to go, I think I might know someone who would.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Who?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I, I've never really interacted with them as it's... It was not my cup of tea, but, there is a place that deals in certain peculiarities. I think it's a good place to start.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay. I, I trust you, lets…”

Gina:
And I take another look around the room, and you see just a little smile on her face, before she locks eyes with you again.

Gina (as Ever):
“Time to go.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes.”

Jannes:
And he would lock up as they leave, and you would take the key off the ring and press it into her palm.

Jannes (as Rake):
“If anything happens, while we're here, and you need somewhere safe to go, you can come back here. I have other ways of getting in, if I need, but, this is the easiest and the quietest.”

Gina:
As you press the key into my hand, I bring my other one to cover yours.

Gina (as Ever):
“Maybe then you can give me a tour?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I would love that.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right, okay, so…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Do you like tea?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I do?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Perfect, you're gonna love it.”

Jannes:
And he would grab her hand and...

Gina (as Ever):
“Do- do we have time for tea?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“There’s always time for tea.”

Jannes:
And you would drag her down the stairs, to the teahouse.

Em:
Okay. You weave through a couple more streets, two or three over, and you realize he's right. Hood is not very big. You feel like you've been going in a circle that you would soon catch up to the alley where you landed, and after a while of walking, you begin to see more and more shops, still open, though it is quite late. You see taverns and restaurants. You see establishments of all sorts. People selling their wares for whomever may walk by. At the end of a long street, you arrive outside the Apropos Tea Shop. Haze seeps out the door that seems to be partially ajar. You can hear the chime of singing bulls amidst the whistling of kettles, and low conversation that feels important, but you can't make it out. Ever, the closer you get to the establishment, you feel this kind of cloud begin to settle into your senses. The edges of the world feel less sharp. Things feel more round. I wouldn't call it a peace, because you haven't had that in a long time. But, there is a sense of calm that flows through you. It feels like the Dreamscape did, wistful and nostalgic. Resonant, and sitting in the low of your belly. Do you go inside?

Jannes:
Rake would walk in, in a way that would make it very clear to Ever that he was very familiar with this space.

Gina:
I think that there's a, there’s a calmness to that rounding of everything, but… I think it's a rounding in a way that, like when things feel the way they shouldn't.

Em:
Hmm.

Gina:
When things feel too soft. And you know it's not supposed to be that way. And yet it is. But I walk in and follow. I follow Rake inside.

Em:
Okay. You move your way in, and you see that it is a very busy night this evening. Tables arranged around the room, some back corner booths out of eye lines of the entrances and exits, a few partitioned rooms with sliding shutters to give some semblance of privacy, with some larger rooms for sleeping for rent. But the main centerpiece of this room is the large square bar in the center. Four servers move wordlessly around each other, navigating full cups and hot water, refilling and replenishing so that anyone who is wishing for something is never without. As long as all you're looking for is tea. Ever, you see individuals playing cards and dice, and then a passage off to one side, where it's almost like you try to see down the hallway… You should be able to see, but you can't. There is an opacity. It feels obscured. Rake, you've been here before. You know this establishment very well. You recognize a couple of the servers at the bar. A welcome patron. And you can see down the hallway just fine. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
Rake would go in and, he would have a casualness about him, not wanting to give away the true reason for their being there. You would see him nod to a couple of the regulars that he recognizes, and he would look for Banesh.

Em:
Okay. You walk towards the center bar, and you clock him. You see a shorter, lithe man with honey-bronze skin, and short, curly black hair. He has a finely-shaped beard and mustache, wearing a daisy blue kurta, and he has tattoos of clouds on his neck. As you walk over, He holds a kettle in his hand, turning around, and he clocks you, and a smile breaks out on his face. A small nod.

Em (as Banesh):
“Good to see you, my friend. Some time since I poured your last cup, your usual?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Actually, I was hoping for something a bit different.”

Em (as Banesh):
“Ah. Something… Beyond tea.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“If I recall, there's someone here who has dealings with Nepthysaket, and some of the gifts that she provides.”

Em (as Banesh):
“Hmm. Well, all we serve is tea. But, I know that Kellan is around this evening. I believe you've had dealings with him before?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes.”

Em (as Banesh):
“He will know who you're looking for.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Perfect. Thank you so much.”

Em:
His eyes drift over to you, Ever.

Em (as Banesh):
“You strike me as someone who is very sweet already. Would you like a cup of tea?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Um…”

Gina:
And I look to Ra- Em, would I know what he's offering me?

Em:
He's offering you tea.

Gina:
Just tea?

Em:
That's all they serve here, is tea.

Gina:
I look to Rake.

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's quite good.”

Gina:
And Rake, you would see that Ever has, on the walk here, become increasingly tense.

Gina (as Ever):
“Do we have time for tea?”

Em (as Banesh):
“My dear, there is always time for tea. You have come to a tea salon.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I, um, I think, yes, yes, I think maybe having some tea would be…”

Gina:
And I start looking around, around the room.

Gina (as Ever):
“Is there a place we can… I think perhaps I could just sit, for a moment, have some tea, I think, would be a good idea.”

Em (as Banesh):
“Let me pour for you. And Rake, your regular booth is available in the back, I believe.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you.”

Em:
He reaches down under the bar and pulls up a beautiful pink porcelain cup. There is no handle, and you see that it is trimmed with gold and etched with flowers. Flowers that look familiar. Foxgloves. Like the ones from home.

Em (as Banesh):
“Strong, but not too bitter.”

Em:
He places some leaves in the bottom of the cup, pouring water gracefully over top of it. And you see a rich, amber-red liquid. You see small flower buds begin to bloom within the cup itself. A delicate, light fragrance begins to emerge. It would be akin to a floral rooibos tea.

Gina (as Ever):
“It’s, it’s beautiful.”

Em (as Banesh):
“Thank you. I hope you enjoy it.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Thank you.”

Gina:
And I reach out to take it, and my hands are shaking, just slightly, and I hold the cup firmly.

Em:
As your hands are near the bar, he reaches around, and softly cups your hands in his, placing them on the cup.

Em (as Banesh):
“Sit, relax, have some tea. You will feel better.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay… Thank you.”

Em:
And Rake, even though you declined tea, Banesh is not ever going to take that as an answer. He pulls out a small canister, looking at you.

Em (as Banesh):
“You're lucky. I still have a few left.”

Em:
He pulls out a handful of fresh green tea leaves, and he places them in a metal apparatus, covering it with a wooden lid. You see that he turns a knob, and you see a small flame produce underneath. Seems to be heating the leaves inside this metal canister. A cup is arranged on the bar, dark, black, with a wooden handle, sturdy, firm. A few moments later, he removes the leaves, sufficiently smoked, and gently places them in a mug, swirling the water softly around as he slides the cup over. Heady smoke and peat, with notes of anise and clove. Just as you always have.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I didn't think any would be left.”

Em (as Banesh):
“I saved some. I knew you'd be back.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you.”

Em (as Banesh):
“Of course.”

Jannes:
And he would put a fairly large, sizable amount of coin on the table.

Em:
Banesh reaches over to shake your hand, and as he moves his other arm over the gold, it's gone.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you for all your hospitality over the years, Banesh.”

Em (as Banesh):
“You will be back. You always are.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I hope so.”

Em:
He gives your hand a firm shake.

Jannes:
With my mug in the one hand, and my other on Ever's back, I would steer her to my booth in the back.

Em:
You make your way through the tea shop, the cups hot in your hands, not unpleasant or uncomfortable, but warm, reminding you of putting one foot in front of the other, even if it's just to put these cups down. You make your way over to a booth in the back corner, as Rake leads you towards it. His booth. There isn't anyone close by. It's quite private where you are.

Jannes:
I think Rake sits down in the booth, sort of leaning back, and as you sit, I don't think he immediately engages in conversation or anything specific. And I think you notice that even though he's physically present with you, he is looking around the tea shop. He is clocking other customers. He is… Not actively trying to avoid looking at you, but he is definitely much less focused on you than you are used to.

Gina:
I slide into the booth, and I set my cup down on the table, and I look at it for a moment. And when I look up at you, I notice your attention is elsewhere.

Gina (as Ever):
“What are you thinking about?”

Jannes:
He sort of glances back at you, and then quickly looks away.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I think this is… I think I can count on one hand how many times I've actually just come here for tea. I usually sk mip the tea part, to be completely honest.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But we're not really here just for tea, either. Are we?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, I guess not.”

Gina:
I frown a little bit at that response. The difference in your tone.

Gina (as Ever):
“What are you doing?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Sorry, what?”

Gina (as Ever):
“What is this? This… Sorry, I, um, I'm probably overthinking it. It's… I feel like it's sort of hitting me at once. All of this.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's been a lot. But you know, we're almost done. And then, um, and then you'll be safe…”

Gina (as Ever):
“That, right there.”

Gina:
And I look at you, closer, crease forming between my eyebrows.

Gina (as Ever):
“You're being different. What are you thinking about? Have we forgotten something? Is there… Oh, gods, we haven't even, we haven’t even tested it…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“We don't have to te- we don't have time to test it.”

Gina (as Ever):
“We haven’t-”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's- Ever.”

Jannes:
And you see his entire intention- attention, shifts to you now fully.

Jannes (as Rake):
“It’s-”

Gina (as Ever):
“Are we making, are we rushing, are we rushing into this? Is this is not…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's alright, hey, hey. It's alright.”

Gina (as Ever):
“We’re-”

Jannes (as Rake):
“We're gonna be okay. This plan is good.”

Gina (as Ever):
“How do you know? How do you know that? I feel like, I feel like I'm just sitting here, and I'm drinking tea, and you're looking at me differently, and I'm feeling like… We don't have enough time.”

Jannes:
And you see this, that comment, almost a look crosses his face, of sadness, and then he kind of shifts it into frustration.

Jannes (as Rake):
“You're right, we don't have enough time. I wish we had more. But I… I'm trying to keep you safe. And this, this is the only way to do it. And if we had more time, yes, I'd love to test it. And I'd... I wish we had more time. But we don't. And I need to keep you safe, so we keep walking, one step in front of the other. Evy, it's going to be okay.”

Gina (as Ever):
“What if it's not. What if I... I don't know? I'm not like you! I can't just…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“You don't want to be like me. I- You can't be like me.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But if I was stronger, if I was more sure, if I… If I paid more attention, if I wasn't so distracted, if I wasn't…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Are you still talking about this? Are you still talking about now?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't even know what now is.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Tell me, what would you do if you were stronger? If you were more sure, how would that change things? How could that fix it?”

Gina:
I think as you're at her, you see plainly the way her heart is… Ripped in two, as I feel that thrum of that pull between us. The one I felt in the Lamp. And the one I felt in the stairway. The one I felt in the bookshop. I feel it here. Now. And you see me desperately trying to keep that from showing again, that this might be the last moment that we have together when we're not fighting for our lives. The fear that I will feel this, this, for you, forever, and we will never be like this again.

Jannes:
And I think, I think in your panic, in your flood of emotions, you don't see, but Rake is crumbling inside, as he looks at you, and he sees you feel what he saw you feel through that window in your house. But, now he's the cause of that. And he stands on the knife edge between wanting to comfort, and wanting to protect you from him. He so desperately wants to close that gap, and take you in his arms, and make you know that everything is going to be okay. And he also knows that, if things don't go well, any more strengthening of whatever this is, will only hurt more. And he looks at you and he says,

Jannes (as Rake):
“Tell me what you need. Tell me… How do I… How do I help? How can I make this right? None of this is your fault. This is all awful things that have happened to an amazing person. But none of this is because of you. None of this is because you're not strong enough, or prepared enough. This is, is it because of her? My mother? Because of me. Tell me how I make this right.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think that's the part of it. If I was stronger I would know how to make it right. What am I supposed to do with this?”

Gina:
And I reach out and I lay my hand on top of yours.

Gina (as Ever):
“Where am I supposed to put this? I'm not supposed to... Feel this! And I love that I feel it, and I hate that I feel it, and I… And I want to go home. And I want to stay here drinking tea with you!”

Jannes:
From the moment that you put your hand on top of his, his eyes have been locked on their hands on the table. Glued to it. His entire body rigid. Scared to pull away. Believing that he should. Fighting desperately.

Gina (as Ever):
“I’m sorry, that's not… That’s not fair to you. For me to say these things now, I... I don't... I don't even know why I'm saying them. I just…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Even if you're in your grief and sadness, you're still concerned about me, and what's fair to me. You are wonderful. There is no one who is as strong as you. Strength is not being able to face these challenges without fear. Look at me. I have been… I've been doing things like this for a long time. And I am weak. Because every time that I did, it changed me. It made me different. You are staying the same. You have not lost who you are. That is strength.”

Gina (as Ever):
“How have I not changed?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“How have you not changed? Your first consideration was me. Your first consideration is always the others. Yet every time things get hard, you still walk forward. You still put yourself- When we were… When we were at the inn, and those men came for us, your first thought was how could you protect yourself without hurting them, when they were seeking to kill you. I didn't think twice. You have not changed, because you are still a good person. You still love, you still care. And when this is done, you will continue to love and you will continue to care.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But what if they can't love me?”

Jannes:
I think he genuinely smiles at that. A look of true bafflement on his face.

Jannes (as Rake):
“How could anyone not love you, Ever? Have you met anyone who has not loved you? The gods fell in love with you, everyone that we've met. There are so many who love you, and so many more who will love you. What I've done has changed me. And for a long time, I hated that it had. I hated what it had made me. I hated being Rake. And I'd forgotten about Rhys. And then I remembered. And you showed me what it was like. You showed me who I was before. But now I realize, all of those things that happened to me, becoming Rake, that was who I needed to be to protect you. Tell me, when this is all done. What's the first thing you're gonna do?”

Gina:
In Ever's mind. She sees two separate futures. The first, she sees herself running home running down that pathway to the farmhouse, throwing open the gate, hoping to find Verek there, somewhere. Running into his arms. Feeling the warmth of him. Being so happy to be home. And the other, she sees Rake. She imagines running into his arms and pulling him close and telling him how much she… Loves him. And she knows she can't have both. I look at you, and down at our hands.

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm going to live for me. I'm going to step fully into love. Because I don't want to be afraid anymore.”

Jannes:
Rake smiles. A mixture of happiness and pride on his face. And then a sheepish grin, as he says,

Jannes (as Rake):
“Well, now, I feel kind of silly telling you what I was going to do. That was, that was beautiful.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Well, now you have to tell me.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Well no, not after that. That was-”

Gina (as Ever):
“Oh, come on!”

Jannes (as Rake):
“-beautiful and poetic, and mine's going to seem very silly after that.”

Gina (as Ever):
“That’s especially why I want to hear it, you have to make me laugh now. I've been crying this whole time.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I was gonna say, I wanna go to the beach. You know, I've never actually been there. I've never actually felt sand between my toes. Or, played in the waves. I mean, I kind of have,”

Jannes:
And he sort of sheepishly looks down to his hands on the table.

Jannes (as Rake):
“But never just for the joy of it.”

Gina (as Ever):
“That sounds really nice.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It was the last time.”

Gina (as Ever):
“It really was.”

Jannes:
And Rake would pull his hand out from underneath Ever’s, and in an attempt to hide the purpose of his actions, he would take his hand and grab his teacup, and take a sip of tea.

Gina:
I’d do the same. Wrap my hand around my teacup, and take a sip. Em, I'm curious about something.

Em:
Tell me your curiosity.

Gina:
I was able to remove Issilus’s chains.

Em:
Yes.

Gina:
Do I get the sense that it might be possible for me to… Remove Rake’s ties to his mother, with the same power.

Em:
It's an interesting thought.

Gina:
So that even if I fail, he might still have a chance.

Em:
He's the child of a god. And while Issilus was arguably more tied to a god by her piety, I don't know if you can take her out of his veins.

Gina:
But I have a shard of divinity.

Em:
You do. So you can always try.

Gina:
I feel like I have to try. If I can't do… Anything else, I… I want to try and give him this.

Em:
Okay. You will have to be very specific with the power you're using, and just what you are hoping it's going to accomplish. And I think, we have to enter into this knowing that this could go very, very badly.

Gina:
You watch a thought cross my face. And I pause, and set the cup down. And look at you.

Gina (as Ever):
“I have an idea. But I don't… I don't know if it's... If it would work or not.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I trust you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Do you want me to tell you what it is?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“You can if you want, but I trust you.”

Gina:
You watch my eyes drop a little from yours, and land on the spot where I know your mark is.

Gina (as Ever):
“I wonder if I could… Rake, I don't know what to do with these… feelings, but I… I wonder if they can help me… What if I could break the bond between you and your mother?”

Jannes:
I think Rake looks shocked.

Gina (as Ever):
“I-I-I... You saw me with Issilus, I took her chains away…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I…”

Gina (as Ever):
“What if I could do that for you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I don't know if it would work. I mean, I'm not saying I don't want to try. I mean, it might keep us safer, but I don't think it, I don’t think it stops us having to do what we have to do. She will continue to hunt you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“No, but what… But if I fail… If I fail there, but I've succeeded here, if I, if I can do this… Maybe you could still go to the beach.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“See what I said, still unchanged. Alright. Let's try. If anything, it will just help us. Make it so she can't track us. I might lose some of my abilities, but we might gain the element of surprise.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Rake, I don’t, I don't have to, if that's... I didn't think of that.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, I... I think we should try. I think if I could be free of her, if she wasn't always in my mind, I could keep you safer. I think it's worth trying. I would still keep my… My gift from Ungal. I would still have a shard of divinity. I don't think you could erase the… Her blood that courses through my veins. But maybe I just… Be able to, not come when she beckons. But please be careful.”

Gina:
I process this information for a moment, and then I slide out of my side of the booth and I move over to yours. And I sit very close to you. And I take my hand, the one with the mark on it, and I place it on the spot on your chest where yours is.

Jannes:
You feel his whole body stiffen under your hand. Tense.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I trust you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I love you.”

Gina:
And I wield the power.

Em:
Incredible. So you're wanting to break the ties between Rake and the Matron of Vengeance. Which power are you going to use to do that?

Gina:
I think the obvious power is from Tayo. The Power of Humanity. The Power of Creation. And want to try and tie the divinity that's in me. Just to… Help it. Help it grow.

Em:
So, when you wield a power to do something truly only a god could, roll 2d6, and you're gonna add one for each true statement. You've done the specific act before perfectly. I don't think so. Close, but not quite. You're desperate for this to work.

Gina:
I think so.

Em:
Okay, you can mark one strain. Pulling on that shard, taking energy from yourself to do this. Power like this has costs. The Cradle carries magic, yes, but it's finite. And the god you have this shard from is dead. And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the god you took this power from… Humanity is everywhere. So that's a plus two.

Gina:
Well, I rolled a three, and a five. For an eight, plus two.

Em:
Is a ten.

Gina:
Is a ten.

Em:
Okay. So, on an overkill, ten plus, the GM will describe how you also drain, terrify, or wreck what's around you. When you look at Rake, when you look at the man sitting in front of you, as you wield this power, you see his humanity truly separate from the being his mother is trying to create. If there was a wall between them now, it is a chasm. Rhys and Rake could not be further separated. And even though he had put up that wall, carefully laid, brick by brick, sealed with mortar, to lock himself away, to lock Rhys away, to prepare himself for what is to come, in an effort to keep you safe. You reach beyond that. That shard that Thielia gave you, in this moment, in the back corner of a booth in a hazy tea shop in Hood… What is divine in you, becomes truly tied to what is divine in him. Not of his mother, but him. And that will never change now. You are bonded to him, Rhys, because without you, the line between Rhys and Rake would have been porous at best, and it is now truly separate. However, you feel, Rake, this separation, this partition between the two parts of you. A part you have come to loathe, but find useful. And a part you now cherish, that in any other time would have just gotten in the way. You are hers and she is yours. That's it. For you, there is no universe in which that could not be true. Rake is the weapon. Rhys is the heart. The distance between those now comes farther. For you, Rake, it will be harder to make that switch. When you choose to embody Rake, that viciousness will be just at your fingertips. And when you choose to embody Rhys, you will be overflowing with a love you don't know what to do with. And I have to honour the overkill. Because Ever, you do it. But you know that what you've done will be felt. There is no way she won't feel him go. He is separated, but she knows.

Jannes:
You see Rhys's eyes burst open, and he turns and looks at you. And he has tears in the corner of his eyes.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I love you.”

Jannes:
And he kisses you. His arms wrap around you, and he pulls you tight to him, as if he was trying to pull you into him. And he buries his face in your neck, and he smells that scent, and he thinks back to his meeting with Verek. And he realizes it does smell like hope.

Gina:
You can feel that Ever is with you in that moment. I lean into the kiss, smiling, tears slipping down my cheeks. And after a moment I pull back, and I wipe them away and I look at you. I reach my hand out, still glowing, and I… I brush a piece of hair from your forehead.

Gina (as Ever):
“I can see it. I can touch it.”

Gina:
And then you watch my face fall as I realize.

Gina (as Ever):
“Oh, gods, what did I do?”

Gina:
My eyes lock on yours.

Gina (as Ever):
“Rake, she knows. She knows.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“What, what does she know?”

Gina (as Ever):
“She can feel it. She knows what I've done. She knows that you're… Did it work?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I, I think so. It doesn't matter if she knows, we were set on this path anyways.”

Gina (as Ever):
“What did I do?”

Gina:
I pull back more from you. I sit a little bit back in the booth and I…

Gina (as Ever):
“Rake, I can't this… This feeling… I can see it, I can feel it, I know,

Gina:
And I'd take your hand.

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I know that this is real. But I have someone waiting for me. I love him, I love him so deeply, and I look at you, and I see you, and I feel this, I feel you and I-”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It’s alright.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But so is he. I don't know what to do with this.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It's alright.”

Jannes:
And I squeeze your hand.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out. We'll have time when things are done.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But how do you know that?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I don't.”

Gina (as Ever):
“If this is... If this is one of the last moments we have together then…”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Then you've freed me. You gave me that gift. I can't ask more from you. You have stood by my side every step of the way. You have risked your own well-being, after I… Tricked you into this. It's going to be okay. We will figure this out. It doesn't change how I feel, about you, but it doesn't mean that I don't understand.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But what if I want more?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Then we can figure that out when this is done.”

Gina (as Ever):
“When this is done…”

Em:
Ever, I think there's a moment here in this space, even though you have more questions than answers, that it still feels comfortable. This is easy. And you believe him. You've never believed anything more in your life. You're drawn back to that moment in the Dreamscape, where it was just you and him and this, and that was all that mattered. And you wish you had more time, but you don't.

Gina (as Ever):
“When this is over, I would love for you to see Temisset.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I would love that. I've always wanted to go.”

Jannes:
And you can tell by the way that he looks at you, that any sort of fear of how he felt, of showing you what he wants, is no longer there. He stares at you as though the sight of you nourishes his soul.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“C’mon. We've gotta go see a man about…”

Gina (as Ever):
“A cat?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“A cat.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“The quicker we get this done, the quicker we get to Temisset.”

Gina:
Ever will lean in, and hold your face, and lean her forehead against yours.

Gina (as Ever):
“Thank you.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Thank you.”

Em:
Ever is still glowing slightly, Rake, with that residual power that she wielded for you. And just for a moment, Ever, I think you see some of that transfer to him. It sits in his forehead where yours touched his, and then slowly settles in his eyes. They aren't as dark as they were before. Brighter, warm. And only looking at you.

Jannes:
I think Rhys would get up from the booth, reach his hand back to Ever.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Shall we?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Let’s go.”

Gina:
I'll take your hand and allow you to pull me up.

Em:
Hand in hand, the two of you silently make your way across the salon. Moving towards that opaqued area you saw before, Ever, but as your hand is in his, it begins to become more clear to you. You see a hallway that begins to curve down and around, this place far bigger than you actually anticipated. Rake, you know that these rooms contain a multitude of substances able to alter and change your perception of reality however you see fit. You have been into many of these rooms, partaken and indulged in substances that have allowed you to slip away from the Cradle, into a reality of your own, just for a little bit. Which room would you like to go to? Who would you like to go see?

Jannes:
I would, walking with Ever's hand in mine, make my way to Kellan.

Em:
Okay. It's one of the first doors. With the substances that he sells, some of the lighter fare in this establishment that only sells tea. Ever, you see a few people milling about the hallway, in various states of intoxication. Some seem to have their senses with them more than others. Very few regard you directly. You watch a man walk past you, and he catches your eye line and he smiles, and you see his mouth is full of a shiny chrome-like substance that seems to be rubbed on his gums. You see another woman walk through, almost dancing, her body moving in smooth, languid movements as she wipes a powder from her nose. You come to a room on the right hand side of the hallway that is ajar. You hear the sound of sitar music quietly playing from some corner of the room, and smell a soft burning. Not like a fire. It smells like a plant that has been lit, and smoked. An incense, of some sort, in the room. As Rake pushes the door open, you hear laughter and soft conversation. Nobody really seems to pay you any mind. You walk inside the room and you see carpets and tapestries. Some low cushion chairs. And you see a man, sitting behind a low table in the back of the room, with jars of vermel husks in front of him. You know what vermel husks are. There would have been many that would have made their way north to Temisset, coming home with the soldiers, particularly after the war. You know that they're easily grown, easily preserved. They’re a plant kept in a brine, which allows them to last longer, and potentiates their effects. You break the pod, place it under your lip, and it creates a numbing sensation. A feeling of strength, and a bit of a head high, that is not altogether unpleasant, and certainly leaves you with most of your faculties. And Rake, as you begin to make your way towards this desk, Kellan looks up at you.

Em (as Kellan):
“Well, well, well. I was wondering when you were gonna walk back in my room.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Kellan, how are you?”

Em (as Kellan):
“Not bad, my friend, not bad. You seem much worse for wear than I.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I will try not to take offense to that comment.”

Em (as Kellan):
“[laughs] It is good to see you.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It is good to see you, too.”

Em (as Kellan):
“I'm afraid I am in low supply at the moment.”

Em:
And he gestures to maybe, half of the normal stash, you see on the table in front of him.

Em (as Kellan):
“We had some holy folk roll through, about a week after you arrived, and I haven't had a chance to restock with the winter coming.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Oh, it’s not a problem.”

Em (as Kellan):
“You've been gone a couple months. Where did you go?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“A little bit of everywhere.”

Em:
And that would strike you, because in your recollection, you were here maybe no more than a week ago.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“If you would hazard a guess, how many months since I was last here?”

Em:
He looks at you for a moment, and you see he really has to think about it. This is a man who spends most of his time in the head haze of vermel husk. He takes a good two to three, long, hard beats to think about it.

Em (as Kellan):
“Ah… I don't know, maybe two months?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Alright. That’s… Good to know.”

Em (as Kellan):
“I, I thought you'd left town?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I did, but I'm back. Actually, I'm looking for someone quite particular you might be able to help me with.”

Em (as Kellan):
“I see old habits die hard. Who can I help you find? Or what can I help you find?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“She's a… Priestess.”

Em (as Kellan):
“A priestess?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Of Nepthysaket.”

Em:
As you say the name Nepthysaket, his whole face changes. Gone is that easy demeanor, and it is replaced with something much more contemplative. He looks at you and then regards Ever, behind you.

Em (as Kellan):
“Well, you must be looking for our little Spectre. Vyxania is her name, but everyone around here just calls her Vyx. She's in tonight. Otherwise you'd be out of luck. Nobody goes for a swim without her. But, uh…”

Em:
Then he looks back at you again. A long moment, Ever.

Em (as Kellan):
“Are you sure, man? That's a lot. Even for you.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It’s been, erm… Quite the few months.”

Em (as Kellan):
“Yeah… I mean, okay, uh… Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna stop you, but you'll, you'll need this.”

Em:
And he places down on the table, with his finger on top of it, a small metal token embossed with what seems to be a teacup on it, and the letter ‘K’. You get the sense that people are only allowed entrance into the back rooms if they have someone vouch for them. And he looks at you one more time.

Em (as Kellan):
“The people who go to see her don't… Come back the same. Nothing will work the same for you, man. It rewires your chemistry. I've, uh, never done it. But a friend of mine got hooked after we got home after the war. He kind of lost himself and… I don't really see him much anymore. I think he spends most of his time back there.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think we've got the time to spend much time back there.”

Em (as Kellan):
“Alright man, just know what you're getting into. Don't say I didn't warn you.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I appreciate it.”

Em:
And he slides the token across the table. And as he does so, you see him grab a jar of vermel husk and pop one out, cracking it and packing it under his lip. And he throws a smile your way, Ever.

Em (as Kellan):
“What is a beautiful thing like you doing in the dark with this one. Who is this? Who are you?”

Gina:
As he says that, I look, I glance over at Rake, and then back to him.

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't know. It's not so dark anymore.”

Em (as Kellan):
“No, you've brought a lot of light into the room.”

Em:
And he looks back at you, Rake.

Em (as Kellan):
“I like this one.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Me too.”

Em (as Kellan):
“Hmm. No offense, man, but she's not really your type, is she?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Maybe I'll have better luck this time.”

Em (as Kellan):
“Well, I guess people can change. To the two of you, be careful, okay? And uh, you can use some of these if you take the edge off on the way down.”

Em:
And he slides a jar filled, with three quite large vermal husks in it your way, Ever.

Gina:
I catch the glass.

Gina (as Ever):
“Thank you.”

Em (as Kellan):
“You're welcome. You take care of this one. He likes to get into trouble.”

Gina (as Ever):
“So I’ve found... Who exactly is his type?”

Em:
Oh, the biggest grin.

Em (as Kellan):
“A gentleman never tells. Somebody's gotta keep some secrets around here.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“A lot must have changed in the last couple of months, because I don't recall you being a gentleman, but I appreciate you keeping my secrets. Ever, we should probably keep going.”

Em:
He laughs.

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I feel like there's so much more to learn here, though.”

Em (as Kellan):
“Well, you go have your fun with Vyx and then come back, and I'll spin a couple yarns for you. Maybe they'll even let me play the sitar again.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Sounds like a plan.”

Em (as Kellan):
“Good. Take care, you two.”

Jannes:
I would take out some, some coin and slide it across the table.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Thank you, if I don't see you again for a while.”

Em (as Kellan):
“You always come back, man. I'll just put this on your tab.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Well. All the same.”

Em:
He nods, tipping a non-existent hat to you.

Jannes:
And I would move back towards the hall, hand still in Ever’s.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I wouldn't say I really have a type, it's more just who I was associated with while I was here.”

Gina (as Ever):
“[laughs] Oh, he certainly seemed like he knew exactly who your type was, and it wasn't me. So…”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“N-n-no-”

Gina (as Ever):
“Maybe that's one of the things we can talk about when we are on our way back to Temisset.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Yes, a-anytime but now would be great.”

[Em and Gina laugh]

Em:
Okay. You walk through the rest of the hallways, passing doors of what you know contain rooms that contain all sorts of substances, belly worms, shimmer. Things a little stronger than that, but not by much. You make your way down further, and you find the cordoned off section that you would miss if you weren't looking for it. There is no bouncer or guard, but you both get the feeling of strong abjurative and illusion magic. Like, even if you find this part of the establishment, which is a feat unto itself, you wouldn't be able to get past without something that would bypass the wards, which you have. You walk through leaving that feeling of magic wash over you and step immediately forward. In the hallway beyond, a straight shot, is quiet, like pin drop quiet. There are a series of doors down this hallway, all closed, each with a tab that could be slid open from the inside and used for communication, with symbols on them. Ever, you see the symbol of a long stalk with a small flower at the end of it. Rake, would know this as milkweed. You see four or five rooms for it. You see another with a wave embossed on the door. You assume that might be for ripple, which is a synthetic version of drift, and about three quarters of the way down the hallway, who knows what could be further beyond this, you see a door that on the metal tab has a cat, in profile. The iconography of Nepthysaket. There is nobody here. What would you like to do?

Gina:
I think as we're walking down this hallway I would look to Rake, and just say,

Gina (as Ever):
“Is this a place you would come often?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“The tea shop, yes. Some of the doors at the start of the hallway. Usually not this far down.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Kellan seemed concerned, like we were getting into something… I was going to say that we can't turn back from, I think we're already there. So…”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Of all the things that we've done in the last while, this is not one of them that I'm most concerned about. If I'm being honest, none of these substances are necessarily the best for you, but… They don't generally try and kill their clientele.”

Gina (as Ever):
“And I'd hope not.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I… I think after all we've been through. We'll be okay. And we'll be together.”

Gina (as Ever):
“This door then, with the cat?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Seems the most logical.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Right… [chuckles]”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Do you want to do the honours?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It's your first time, you might as well.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I'll make my way to the door and try and open it.”

Em:
It's locked.

Gina (as Ever):
“Do I need the, the token?”

Jannes:
Rhys smiles at you.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It's usually polite to knock.”

Jannes:
And he knocks on the door.

Em:
You wait a moment, expecting to hear a shuffling of footsteps behind the door, but hearing nothing. It is so quiet. However, the metal bar slides open. Everything is dark behind. But coming quickly into view, you see a bright pair of eyes. Not golden, but a dark pewter shining and alive. They scan the both of you carefully.

Em (as Doorperson):
“Yes? Do you have passage?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I, I hope so.”

Gina:
And I hold up the token so they can see it.

Em (as Doorperson):
“Very well, a moment.”

Em:
The tab slides shut, and you hear six locks sequentially unlock, both manual and arcane, before the door opens just a crack. Nobody opens it for you. A fine blue-gray mist pours out, low, and seems to settle on the floor.

Gina:
And I look to Rake.

Gina (as Ever):
“In we go?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Yes, I'll be right beside you.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Alright…”

Gina:
I push the door open and walk through.

Em:
You go inside. It's dark, but your eyes seem to adjust quickly. And you take in three main spaces or features in the room. There is candlelight, and it seems to concentrate more as you go further in. You see that the room is circular, with a sunken portion in the center, stairs in front of you leading your way down. You see a series of plush cots arranged on the upper level. There are maybe three or four fully veiled figures, all in black, their horns protruding slightly depending on the shape and size. They dip in and out of shadow, and they too are so quiet. They say nothing. But, seem to be tending to those who are prone, lying on the cots. All unconscious. You are unsure if they are even breathing. The movement of the veiled figures is slow, deliberate, and purposeful. No movement without reason. You would recognize these as Samat, Ever, like you saw in the Golden Steppes on your way down from Temisset towards Glass. Priestesses of Nepthysaket, whose honour it is to remain silent and to only speak with the dead.

That heaviness that you felt out in the tea salon, now seems to truly hit the both of you, with your vision starting to swim. Your eyes glance to the floor, and you see that the mist has pooled at your feet, and seems to sink once exhaled from the body. Your gaze drifts languidly towards the center of the room, down into the sunken portion. You see a circle of chairs, each to fix with a metal plate, and they are mostly empty. You see one person in a chair, thin and gaunt, long gray hair braided behind them. They wear a simple black tunic and loose breeches, and there is another Samat kneeled in front of them. She inclines her head towards them, and they nod and tap the plate twice. A small bottle is taken out of her robes, and filling the dropper twice, deposits the liquid onto the plate. The bottle then disappears in beneath the fabrics, as she produces a flame from her finger, lighting the plate from below. The person says nothing, but places a hand on her shoulder as they lean in. And you see the source of the mist. It begins to bubble and smoke, as they inhale the vapour, taking it in with ragged inhales before exhaling it down towards the floor. After two or three deep breaths, it's used up, and they stagger wearily to their feet. The priestess, the Samat, wordlessly take them by the arm and lead them up to an empty cot on the top level. They sit on the edge of the bed, and you hear them murmur something. The language of Verek's family, the language of the priestesses of Nepthysaket, and it's as if they lose consciousness while they are seated. The priestess guides their body down to the bed, positioning them and anointing them with incense from a censure on their hip. And then you see her do something that you do not expect. She takes their hand, moves to their ear, and while you cannot hear it fully, you hear her speak to him. The Samat only speak to the dead. The same language, low tones. She asks what seems to be five questions to them. And then you see her move once more, leaving, checking in on others around the room.

And finally, your eyes both draw to the center. And while you were watching the room, someone was watching you. You see a femme presenting figure standing stock still, with ghost white skin, silver gray hair, and horns that emerge from the side of her head and curl around behind her. Her hair is plated over them intricately braided with beads of silver, white, gold and obsidian black. She is gaunt, her face sunken, making her shining silver eyes appear much larger than they actually are, encircled with a dark gray. It could be makeup. It could be fatigue. It could just be the tone of her skin. Her vestments, clearly that of a priestess, are not black, but a gauzy silver material that is almost translucent. You can see the outline of every bone in her form through the fabric. She's heavily adorned in silver jewelry, with pointed ears bearing piercings with a small chain up to her horns, and to her nose and lip. She is barefoot and standing in a small pool of white liquid. It is up to her ankle. And the pool is no bigger than about three feet in diameter. Without words, she gestures for you to walk down the steps to her, deeper into the concentration of mist. And I have to ask the both of you, what is going through your mind as you take in the room?

Gina:
As I look around this space, I remember those priestesses from the road to Glass, and their careful, quiet prayers. And I remember Priestess Zahara, and what she'd said, their roles, whom they speak to, that they speak to the dead. Only to the dead. And I realize in this moment what this is. I can feel the heaviness in the air that we are surrounded by death here. And as I take a breath, I can feel it. That breath inside my chest in a way that I have never felt before and instinctively I reach out for Rake's hand, and lace my fingers between his, not because I'm afraid, but to remind myself that I am still alive to feel alive here.

Em:
You have never felt more alive in a way that was disconcerting to you, than you do in this room. This is not the exhilaration of being alive. This is the discomfort of it. How about you, Rake?

Jannes:
I think there's a nervousness to rate. being anywhere that someone who is Reverend to Nephthyseket is. He's never been allowed in the temples. his mother. is directly responsible for. so much of the core teachings of their faith. And I think he's very uncomfortable with… the whole situation. think it's very much like when you meet. distant relatives that you're supposed to have something in common with. But the more you look, the more you just see how different it is.

Em:
Hmm.

Jannes:
I think you would see that Rake is looking at all these people laying in the cots, and he’s feeling a strange, almost regret that he hadn’t explored this before now. Had he known what was behind this door he might have sought it out. This is not the way he would have wanted to experience this.

Em:
I think, Rake, you’ve always chased death in some way. Whether your own, or the death of others. And you have never been more presently aware of how close death can be to you, without ever fully touching you.

Jannes:
I think for him, the feeling of being alive is evident and apparent even when he is not in this room. The fact that he is alive despite everything. Regardless of how he recklessly throws himself into the things that he pursues, life clings to him. And now it’s almost unbearably evident.

Em:
Hmm. As you tap into that, placing those feelings, that tether to who Rhys is, away behind the partition. I think as you do so, there's a part of you that wonders what would have happened if you would have found this room at any other time other than now. At those darker moments in your life before this. Would you have lost yourself here like these people have? A short-lived reverie. As you broach the bottom stair, hand in hand, walking down. You see the priestess nod to both of you, looking at you expectantly. Her voice is low and honeyed. Dulcet, almost like music, as it leaves her mouth, which barely moves as she speaks. You're not sure if it's coming through your ears or in your mind. Or somewhere in between.

Em (as Vyxania):
“Welcome. I am Priestess Vyxania Telem of Her Grace, Nepthysaket, Spectre of the Silent Sisters and Covenant Sister of Hood. Do you wish to go for a swim?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“We're looking to speak to Nepthysaket.”

Em:
It's almost as if there is a twinkle in her eye. A request different than what is normally brought by people who come here.

Em (as Vyxania):
“Ah, you wish to speak to Her Grace. Yes, I can call her, but it will come at a cost, and I must ask, are you willing to partake first? Do you wish to partake in Aytoom?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Aytoom? What is Aytoom?”

Em:
When her eyes draw from Rake to you, Ever, it is slow, like her head and body move before her eyes catch up. She regards you very carefully.

Em (as Vyxania):
“In our language, we call it Aytoom. But in a tongue that might be more familiar to you, the meaning is murky at best. Not a direct translation. Some say it means enlightening. Some say it means diving or swimming. Some say it means drowning. Perhaps it is somewhere in the middle of all three. It is a mixture of some of the compounds used to create wraith vapours, I believe, with the waters of the Almuit Althaani, and some milkweed. These are the Ghosts of the Second Sea. And they are not dead. Not quite.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Is it... is it safe?”

Em (as Vyxania):
“Safe… Your experience is singular. You are, for a time, in a state as close to death without being dead. You are able to be tended to by our Samat, and some will be lucky enough to see Her Grace. Most choose to survive the experience, some do not. All are welcome, as much as they like and as much as they can handle.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Does this bring us to the River?”

Em (as Vyxania):
“You may travel through it, yes. Your feet grazing the waters of it. You may choose to dip further into it, allowing yourself to languish in the current. Some go beyond. While some simply choose to look at it, and marvel at the magic of our universe.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Does that mean that we could see those who are in the River?”

Em:
She steps out of the water. Her bare feet hitting the floor as she pads softly over to you. She is quite short. Slight. A strong breeze could knock her over. And she stares up at you.

Em (as Vyxania):
“Sometimes, we must find ourselves in the darkest of darks to have a moment of illumination. Your experience is your own. Who you see is who you see. And for some, once is enough. To find it, touch it, have it in your hand. But many return over and over to plunge the depths for it time, and time, and time again. I cannot say what you will see. I can only encourage you to pursue it. If you wish.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I do wish.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“You must be aware that it comes at a cost. You cannot unsee what happens there in the beyond. I have no jurisdiction of that. What we do here in our beloved temple is sanctioned by Her Grace, but not under the watchful eye of our high priestess. There is a reason I am called the Spectre of the Silent Sisters. I would never be welcomed in any major temple to Her Grace. I am unclear whether I am truly alive or not. So that could be touted by some as an abomination. Someone who truly stands with one foot in, and one foot out. Organized religion never suited me anyway. I know my faith. Do you know your faith?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think I'm finding it.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“Well, this is a fantastic place to go looking.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Are you sure, Ever? I could do it and tell Her Grace our message. There's no reason we both have to do it.”

Gina (as Ever):
“No. We go together. I, I want, I want to go.”

Em:
As you share this conversation between you, in front of you. Vyxania looks back and forth.

Em (as Vyxania):
“I can feel the weariness of your souls from here. They are heavy. And you have only truly had each other to lean on, haven't you? the only ones who truly understand.”

Em:
And she flicks her hand around, and you see a flame extend from her index finger. The flame splits in two, twirling around each other like a rope, before joining together and disappearing into a light puff of smoke.

Em (as Vyxania):
“You worry for her safety?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I do.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“We will take good care of her. And you. My Samat and I walk a different path for Her Grace. While we are all daughters of the long lost desert, we came to this knowingly as adults. Rather than being dropped off on the steps of some temple as a baby, we all choose to be here. It is all about choice.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Alright. We'll do it.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“Sit. Get comfortable.”

Em:
She gestures to the chairs.

Gina (as Ever):
“Does this bring us to the River? Or somewhere else?”

Em (as Vyxania):
“Ah… You have looked at death, in the face. You know where the magic of the universe lies. You will feel the ripple of the water of the River graze your hand, but it will not take you away in the current. You are afraid of what happens when you touch death, truly and fully?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I am afraid I won’t want to leave if I see someone I know in the River.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“Then I suggest you keep your eyes on the stars.”

Em:
She looks at you and I think there is a moment where you feel the same as you did when speaking to the high priestess in Temple Lybica. This priestess doesn’t just see you, she sees through you. She sees that hesitation in you.

Em (as Vyxania):
“The vapours were my home for a very long time. And perhaps, the third or fourth time I died, Her Grace came to me with a proposition. Since I was chasing death so much, and I obviously did not want to fully die, she sought to help me ease my suffering, and safeguard me from myself, I think. And so, Aytoom was created.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Who are you looking for?”

Em (as Vyxania):
“It has been so long, I don’t even remember.”

Jannes:
And I let go of Ever's hand, and press my forehead against hers.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I'll see you on the other side.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I'll see you there.”

Jannes:
And I go take a seat.

Gina:
I go sit.

Em:
Okay. Vyxania kneels between the two of you, producing a similar container, bottle, of Aytoom from her robes. Wordlessly, two Samat come to join you, one on either side. They kneel next to you, placing their hands under the plate, ready to alight it at the time of instruction. The Spectre looks between the two of you.

Em (as Vyxania):
“As this is your first time, most would take half. But you wish to see Her Grace, yes?”

Gina (as Ever):
“We have to see Her Grace.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“Ahhh. It is your choice. The same, or more.”

Gina:
My eyes flick to Rake’s, just briefly, before I look back to her.

Gina (as Ever):
“Whatever it takes, to get me to her.”

Em:
She pulls the dropper, full, and expels it onto the plate in front of you. And looks at Rake.

Em (as Vyxania):
“The same, or more?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Where she goes, I go.”

Em:
She fills another dropper, letting it go onto the plate. And she nods. The two Samat produce flame from their fingers. The plate in front of you begins to get very hot. You see the liquid, a grayish blue, undergo a chemical process where the heat makes it turn white, then clear once more, before it begins to bubble and boil, creating a mist. That blue-gray mist. The Samat lean forward, encouraging you to lean into them, to brace yourself. Do you both inhale?

Gina:
Yes.

Jannes:
Yes.

Em:
The vapours hit your nose, you feel your pupils dilate, and you experience a sense of both lifting and stretching. Like the first stretch of the morning, when you wake up and a release of tension when that knot in your back finally, truly, relaxes. Your head swims with a strong spice and floral essence, and you taste metal on your tongue. You begin to feel yourself separate, as if part of yourself is so ready and willing to step away from your physical form. You come to understand the difference between body and soul in that moment. Your body feels so heavy. Yet your soul is ready to wander. Everything begins to swim as you hear Vyxania once more.

Em (as Vyxania):
“Do not stray yet. Let's get you down for a rest, first, come. Easy now.”

Em:
You both vaguely feel yourself being guided up and away from the chairs and the center of the room, back up the stairs. Vyxania, walking in front of you, Ever and Rake, as you are guided by your two Samat. And you are brought through to a darkened door, to a small separate room. You see four beds, more lavish than those in the main chamber. Your eyes glaze vaguely over what seems to be a shrine of some kind. It's hard to focus on it, and you barely catch a glimpse. You see the outlines of an obsidian idol of a black cat banded in gold and platinum. The Samat beside you, and Vyxania in front of you begin a low chant in their shared tongue. The Spectre setting the pace, and the Samat providing the harmony. You showed reverence here. You asked to see Her Grace. You are each laid down on the beds. You cannot see Vyxania anymore. A skylight is above you both, revealing an empty black expanse. And you swear to all the gods that you see the true wisps of the River through it. The gold and white banded across the heavens above you. It moves in a soft ebbing, and you begin to feel yourself slide into a space beyond space. Not the liminal. Further than that, more in between than that. You can barely see anything at all. As time slows down, your body sinks and feels so heavy. But you each hear a voice move close to your ear, and you feel a small, soft hand slide into yours, warm and tender, one in each. And Jannes, I'm gonna have you take your headphones out. Ever, the voice that you can only assume is coming from the Samat is quiet, but kind. Slightly hoarse, but meaningful, seeking to give you comfort.

Em (as Gita):
“I am Samat Gita, and it is my privilege to serve the dead. While it is my custom to ask the dead questions so that they may be at peace, and let themselves pass freely into the hands of Her Grace, upon the blessing of the Spectre, I have the honour of channeling you a piece of knowledge from the cosmos. You are as close to dead as you can get before you would feel the true current of the River. But in return, you must answer a question for me. If you choose not to, the Aytoom will repair and restore your soul, and you may stay here as long as you wish. When you rise, the Spectral Sister will take you where you wish to go.”

Em:
And Gina, in this moment you can ask me one question about anything, and I will answer it honestly.

Gina (as Ever):
“Did I keep him too long? Did he want to go, and I kept him back?”

Em (as Gita):
“No. He went when he was ready. He stayed exactly as long as he intended to. Now I have a question for you. How will you die?”

Em:
And you would get the sense that she is asking you, how do you think you will die. Not how you wish you will die.

Gina (as Ever):
“Afraid. And fighting for the ones I love.”

Em:
Do you let go? Do you let yourself drift? Or do you stay anchored here?

Gina:
Do I get the sense that if I let go... Can I... Can I hear him? Can I feel him anywhere? Do I get the sense that if I let go I'll find him?

Em:
You have no idea.

Gina:
Do I know what will happen if I let go?

Em:
No.

Gina:
Can I ask Gita?

Em:
You have already asked her your question. And now you must choose.

Gina:
I don't let go of Gita's hand, but I… But I let go, in this moment, I surrender to it. I let myself drift.

Em:
And that is your choice. It has always been about choice. You've been swimming before. Small lakes or ponds in Temisset. Davos took you when you were young. This is like floating on the surface of water, but all the weight of your body falls away. You lift up and out, your soul, your spirit, separating from your physical form, with the only thing tethering it being Gita's hand in yours. And she will not let go unless you ask her to. You drift far and wide. You search for the wisps of the River, finding your gaze alternating between that and the stars beyond. You feel the waters gently pull across your feet, the coolness passing over you, and it feels like home. You could leave right now. It's right there. It's so easy. But forward you go, further and further down. For a long while. And you find yourself standing in a darkened space. You're barefoot, in white water up to your ankle. You get your bearings for a moment, your head still swimming. And as you look around, You see two golden eyes, open from the darkness, large, unimaginably so. And they regard you.

Gina (as Ever):
“Your Grace?”

Em:
The eyes slowly blink once, acknowledging your presence. And the reverence paid to her.

Gina (as Ever): [beginning to sob]
“Your Grace, I really need to speak to you.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“You've been trying to find me for some time, haven't you?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Yes.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I came to find you on the road, and I had wished you'd come for a swim at Lybica.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm sorry I was so rude to you. I didn't know.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“You were angry. I cannot fault you with your anger.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I think I've been angry for a long time.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I think every god in the pantheon knows how angry you were. Some more than others. You deserve rest.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Do you, do you know why I've come to find you?”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I'm putting it together. And we can speak. But you are in no condition to do anything with the information I can give you. So let me give you this gift of rest.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But we, we don't have time for rest.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Let me worry about that. You've worried enough. You have to let someone take care of you, Ever. You cannot do this alone.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't want to. I don't want to do it alone.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Then you don't have to.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Is he here?”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“He is in the river. He is safe and well.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I have to let him go, don't I?”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I cannot tell you what to do. Other gods might. But that is not my place. Rest, Ever, and we can speak in the morning.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I’m so tired.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Then rest.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm sorry for all the things that I said about you.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Trust me. Others have said much worse. You will have questions, and I can answer those as best I can. And you seek my help. And this I can give too. But if we are to do what I think you're going to ask me to do… Then a kindness I can give you here is to look after you. You are not dead. Just simply here at peace.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I do think I'd like to rest, after all.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Then I will see you soon.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay.”

Em:
And the eyes fade, closing and disappearing. Do you truly let yourself rest?

Gina:
I think I take one more look around. Just to see if I can see anything that looks like him, or feels like him. If this is the closest I'll be to him. I have to try.

Em:
You look around. I think in a small moment of desperation, hoping to find something, anything. And you are alone. But it doesn't feel bad. And you know he's not meant to be here. He is on his own journey.

Gina:
And I’m on mine.

Em:
You are. And as you let yourself succumb to rest, true rest. You have not slept like this since before the war. This is a sleep like the one you experienced when you were finally comfortable with Davos. When you were no longer missing your parents. But, when he was your parent. That feels like him. And for you, I think the River will always feel like him. That is enough of a balm, an opiate to pain, strife, and anguish. You rest here, and you can clear all your strain, except for that one. Gina, I'll have you take your headphones out.

Rake, the hand in yours squeezes gently to let you know she's there, and the voice becomes present next to your ear. It is curious and contemplative. There's empathy woven in every word, though she does not know you. She doesn't have to. You're here.

Em (as Jocasta):
“I am Samet Jocasta, and it is my privilege to serve the dead. While it is my custom to ask the dead questions so that they may be at peace, and let themselves pass freely into the hands of Her Grace, as a gift from the Spectre, I have the honour of channeling for you a piece of knowledge from the cosmos. You are as close to dead as you can get before you would feel the current of the River, and have it sweep you away entirely. But in return, you must answer a question for me. If you choose not to, the Aytoom will repair and restore your soul, and you may stay here as long as you wish. And when you rise, the Spectral Sister will take you where you wish to go. And aboveboard, you can ask me anything.”

Jannes:
What’s the flaw in our plan that we’re not seeing?

Em:
Such a good question. The flaw in your plan is that you cannot be wholly certain whether your mother cares if you live or die.

Jannes:
I think that would send a true spike of fear through Rake. He… He truly needs to believe that deep down she cares, and the idea that that’s a possibility, that she doesn’t, is so shattering to his worldview, that I think that terrifies him.

Em:
You feel Jocasta’s hand squeeze yours slightly, grounding you once more, and you hear her voice ask you her question.

Em (as Jocasta):
“How will you die?”

Em:
And aboveboard, this is her asking how you believe you will die, not how you hope you will die.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Because of my mother.”

Em (as Jocasta):
“Journey forth, Rake, but you are safe here in the arms of Her Grace, and you may rest. And if you choose, you may rise again in the morning. And no one will fault you if you choose not to.”

Jannes:
And Rake closes his eyes, and hopes that wherever he’s going, he won’t be there alone.

Em:
Hmm. Do you let yourself go? Do you let yourself journey beyond? Or do you stay here, letting Jocasta anchor you?

Jannes:
Rhys lets himself go. Lets himself drift away. Slowly. With the purpose of trying to find answers, trying to make a connection with Nepthysaket. But also… Reminded of when last he drifted in the dream, and the time he spent with Ever. I think that's very prominent in his mind as he drifts away.

Em:
You feel yourself pull and separate from your body. The only tie holding you to it being Jocasta's hand in yours. And you know in your heart of hearts that she will not let go unless you ask her to. You travel far, not truly being able to see where you are, but touching very briefly on snippets of your life. You see that moment in the Dreamscape. You see a young you with your father. You see a job you went on for your mother. You imagine that this is what it's like in the moment before you die. Your mind running through everything you can think of, everything that you can remember, in the hopes of pulling yourself somewhere. Somewhere better, somewhere true. You find yourself in a dark space. Your feet are bare, and you are about ankle deep in white water. You turn around, getting your bearings, and you see two golden eyes, open, large, all encompassing. Looking directly at you.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Good evening, Your Grace.”

Em:
The eyes blink, acknowledging your presence, and the reverence shown to her.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Do you know who I am?”

Em:
The eyes blink once more. It's slow and languid. But they settle on you again.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I need your help. I need help protecting someone I love.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“That is the most noble kind of help, is it not?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I hope so. I'm partly responsible for her being in this mess. My mother sought to use her to hurt you.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Yet you carry all the shame of it, and that was not something of your choosing.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I could have chosen not to.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I think we both know that's not true, given the position that you were in.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“An easy lie to tell myself. There's always a choice.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“And look at you, choosing. To do better. To be more than what she crafted you to be.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Will you help me protect Ever?”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I would not have let you here if I wasn't going to help you, Rhys. You being barred from my temples was an act of precaution. And I'm sorry for that. But here you are. Against all odds. Trying to do what's right.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Were you there? When my father crossed over?”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I was waiting patiently for him. He fought it. He didn't want to go. But he knew, that in that moment it was the only way to keep you safe. We talked about it often.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“One day, when it is my time, will I see him again?”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“He too has begun to practice patience. And he will wait for you. Don't rush to him. You’ve been running too fast for too long.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“For a long time, I would have gladly gone now. But I have a reason to stay.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“There was a few times I thought you were going, too. And I would have been there for you. Particularly you.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I think you are as close to an aunt as I could have, to be completely honest. You knew my mother before.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“I did. And I loved her very much.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It's good to know that at some point, she was worthy of it.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“She was. And I would be happy to tell you all about it. But if we are going to do what I think you're going to ask me to do… Then you need to rest, Rhys. And not just for her, but for you. You have to let someone take care of you. And what are aunts for, right?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“This is true. I'm trying. It's… It's only recently that she's shown me that I'm worth taking care of. But, I wouldn't want to disappoint her. So… We will talk more in the morning?”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“We will. The Spectre will bring you to me. Where you can come find me.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“All right. In the morning.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Enjoy your rest.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Thank you, Your Grace.”

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“You deserve it.”

Em:
And the eyes begin to fade. Do you let yourself rest?

Jannes:
I think he does. In a way that he hasn't in a long time.

Em:
Mmhmm.

Jannes:
This place that he felt awkward in when he first arrived, it felt… Foreign and strange. After his interaction with Nepthysaket, I think he feels… A warmth and safety. And I think he rests.

Em:
True restorative rest. Rest that you don't have to worry about waking from in the middle of the night. Rest that you don't have to worry about being summoned from. You asked. She came. And she is a goddess of her word. You wake sometime later. What you assume or hope is the morning, slowly pulling yourself back. It's like part of you went for a very long walk, and is now returning home. It's familiar. That sense of rejoining with your body. Though here, you've had the experience of body and soul being separate. Upon waking, it is the firm realization that in the Cradle, here, in this life that you have, they are meant to be together. With gentleness, you fold back into yourself, and you find your eyes opening. The Samats sit next to you, Gita and Jocasta, keeping a watchful silent eye from under their veils. Their hands still clasped in yours. When they can confirm that you are fully back in your body, they slowly let go of your hand, a soft squeeze in each, a reminder that they would have been your anchor, and would have respected the choice if you chose to let go. Some don't choose to come back. And you did. You hear the door to the room open, as you get that full sense of yourself. And you hear the lilting voice of the Spectre once more.

Em (as Vyxania):
“You have returned. I hope your journey was pleasant. I hope you got what you came for.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I can see why people want to stay.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“Yes. I know this well. I know that journey very well. I came to the order later in life. So, it is my honor and privilege to continue on the work, here, in our way. And Ever, I think as you see her say this, you have no sense of how old she is. She could be twenty. She could be hundreds of years old. You have no idea what long term effects of Aytoom do to a person. You have no idea what other deals she may have worked out with Her Grace to keep doing this work.

Gina (as Ever):
“This was a gift. Thank you for guiding us through it.”

Em (as Vyxania):
“You are welcome. And while the offer is open for you to return any time, I don't think you will. And that too is okay.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Thank you for keeping us safe.”

Em:
She would look to Gita and Jocasta.

Em (as Vyxania):
“I only work with the best. Now, you wish to summon Her Grace? Very well. Then call her we must.”

Em:
Gita and Jocasta leave the room, and she follows behind them out the door, looking back with her hand on the handle.

Em (as Vyxania):
“I'll give you a moment to prepare yourselves. Then you will follow me.”

Em:
As she closes the door behind her, leaving you alone for a moment to gather yourselves before you go.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Are you alright?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't really know how to answer that question.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Was it restful at least?”

Gina:
You watch Ever pause and she frowns a little. It's like you can watch her actively settle back into her body.

Gina (as Ever):
“I think so. There was a part of me that didn't want to come back.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I know that feeling. I felt the same.”

Gina (as Ever):
“But you did.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“There are things I want to do, for the first time in a long time. There are, there is hope and… The possibility of happiness.”

Gina:
When Ever hears Rake say that, she thinks back to sitting on Tayo's couch. And the wish that she'd made, for him to feel real lasting hope. And she smiles.

Jannes (as Rhys):
“It’s your fault, you know. [Ever laughs softly] Life was much simpler when there was less to live for.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I only hope I can make it up to you, then.”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I've become very patient, so… We can work on you making it up to me.”

Jannes:
And I think he, is, would walk up to her, so that they were standing close. And he would reach up with his hand, and tuck an, an errant strand of hair behind her ear. His thumb brushing her cheekbone as he does it. His hands still cold. He has hope, but, that can't fix that. And, you'd see in his eyes, there was the beginnings of happiness, and contentment.

Gina:
Ever closes her eyes, and just sits in that moment. As your hand lingers behind her ear.

Gina (as Ever):
“First things first, right?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Still chasing that cat.”

Gina:
I bring my hand up to cover yours, and I take it and lower both of ours down so they're between us.

Gina (as Ever):
“Are you ready?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“Where you go, I follow.”

Gina:
And I move us to the door.

Em:
Okay. You leave the room, following behind the Spectre as she silently guides you out. There is no sound when she walks, and you see that she has pulled the gauzy fabric to completely veil her, akin to the Samats. She says nothing as you follow. You move out from those long hallways navigating your way back, and arrive back in the main room of the tea shop. There are a few patrons, some remnants of the night before, and some having needed to take the edge off of reality before they start their day. As you walk through, any din or conversation in the room falls completely silent, and the servers and patrons all bow their heads in deference to the priestess, some opening their hands in supplication, to her. The feeling that reverberates through the room is of divinity. Hers co-mingling with yours in a way that is reverent and real. It strikes you to your bones how she is both so holy, and so far from what is ascribed of her faith and her divinity. You leave and make your way out onto the cobblestone streets. What is left of the sun begins to show itself over the buildings. It's cold and crisp. Clearly now, with the Cradle creeping into winter. Two months. You're able to see your breath, slow and steady as you place one foot in front of the other.

There's a moment here. that feels juxtaposed to last night, in a way that this is the reverence of being alive. The air in your lungs. The ability to take in, from all your senses, everything surrounding you. An exaltation to the morning. It is not exuberant, but a silent thank you for what has occurred the night before. You walk. And you walk. And finally, after about twenty minutes, the priestess leads you down a nondescript alley, only wide enough for two to walk shoulder to shoulder. The alley narrows further, and beyond it is dark, between two four story apartment buildings. You see no markings delineating it from anything else. You would have missed it, if she hadn't brought you here. As she finally speaks, looking towards the two of you.

Em (as Vyxania):
“If you are true of heart and purposeful in your soul's intent, then you will be able to find her. Follow the alley down further until you see the sandstone and obsidian. It is said that in ages gone by, the orders of Her Grace left pieces of our original temple in every city they could find, so that the followers of the Patient Witness could find solace in knowing she was never far. You will have to call her to get her to come. I will leave that in your hands with how you choose to do that, while religion may dictate the principles and tenets, faith is an individual journey. And my sense is after last night, the two of you have found some faith. One true thing that can get her here, is a death. A sacrifice of some kind. Something must be ready to leave for another destination beyond. And as I assume neither of you wish to die today, you'll have to figure out what part of you you're ready to leave behind. I leave you here. Go in Her Grace, Rake and Ever. And though I suspect this will be the last time I see you, you are welcome in my temple anytime.”

Em:
As she nods her head, and leaves. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
Slowly start making my way down the alley.

Gina:
I follow.

Em:
Okay. You come to the end of the alley, and you look around, and it takes you a second but you see it. In the middle of a wall. You see three small sandstones, about fifteen feet above you, arranged in a triangular pattern with a block of obsidian in between them. The black of the stone is flecked with gold and mica. And below it, a small plaque is affixed to the wall. It's written in their tongue. But the two of you, having experienced what you did last night, can understand it. ‘Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it. Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.’ What would you like to do?

Gina (as Ever):
“So, we have to, we have to give something up, we have to... Something… Something has to die?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“A part of us, probably, it would seem. Do know what you're going to do? Sorry, is that too personal?”

Gina (as Ever):
“No, no… I, I think I do, actually. Do you?”

Jannes (as Rhys):
“I think I do. Do you need help to get up?”

Gina:
I look up to the stones.

Gina (as Ever):
“If you don't mind.”

Jannes:
He closes that distance again. You get a faint impression that he's always ready to close the distance. He's just waiting for a cue, or a reason. And, though the way he wraps his arms around you is very platonic in placement, the feeling of the way his fingers dig into your back as though he's trying to pull you as close as possible, gives away everything he's trying to hide. And as his wings open, and you glance up at him, you can see his mind is somewhere else entirely. And being caught in the act, he sort of glances away quickly, and starts flying up to the stones.

Em:
He lifts you like it's nothing. Just like he did that first time, near the bookshop. There's a strength to his wings, and you know that it is a limited capacity that he can use them. But this is important enough to do so. Rake, you fly up, and can hover. Maintaining your speed, and your height above the ground, as you move in close to the stone. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
Glancing at Ever, so that we can do it at the same time. I would move my hand towards the rock waiting for her to follow suit.

Gina:
Rake, you know Ever now, well enough to be able to see, it is taking everything in her not to kiss you. And she takes a breath, and,

Gina (as Ever):
“Right…”

Gina:
I watch your hand reach out, and I adjust myself, to be able to pull my hand away to follow yours.”

Em:
You place your hands on the obsidian between the sandstone. And as you do so, it's like there's an electrical current running through you, but it was already there before you even touched this rock. What is divine here recognizes what is divine in the both of you, and the divinity that you share with each other. And I have a question for you. Here, death could be literal, or a metaphor, or an allegory for something else. You wish to summon the goddess of the moment between life and death. What dies in you right now? What are you willing to let die within you here to bring her to you? What are you willing to lose? What do you sacrifice?

Gina:
My desire to bring him back.

Em:
Mmm. You’re willing to well and truly let that go, fully, wholly?

Gina:
Yes, he’s gone. Not so far away, but far enough.

Em:
Okay, and Rake?

Jannes:
Ever since he saw the door that said ‘Sacrifice’ on it, he’s had his dad on his mind. And it’s impossible for him to think of his dad and the sacrifice that his dad was to make the dagger, without thinking about his dad’s words to him about forgiveness. And I think after last night, and knowing the peace that comes with death, and how his mother was robbed of that peace when she should have died, he’s gonna, maybe not fully forgive her, but let go of the hatred that he has for her.

Em:
Hmm. You’re ready to well and truly let go of that hatred? Fully?

Jannes:
He won’t let his mother hurt the one that he loves, but he doesn’t hate her for who she is.

Em:
Someone very wise once told me, all change is grief. The two of you have committed to making profound change in the way that you exist in the world. You have let parts of you die that you have both held onto for so long, so much so that it became a part of who you were. And there is a grief to that. The loss of a pillar of something you knew to be true, within you. And that is a very worthy sacrifice. Rake, you slowly drift down, landing before the plaque on the wall. You feel a warmth around the two of you, as you let go of Ever. The cool of the early morning cut through. There is a brightening of golden light that fully encompasses your vision. It recedes slowly, as you hear a soft jingling, the sound of jewelry and bells, as you see before you a figure, femme-presenting, steps out from the shadows of an alleyway. She stands taller than most. Not as tall as Rake. Wearing long black robes lined with gold and platinum. Just like the River you saw in the skylight. The train of her skirts disappearing well into the shadows beyond. Her long black hair, curled and wild, falls to her waist, and her face is covered in an ornate mask. Ever, this looks exactly like the priestess you met in the field, except for the mask. And I’d like you both to roll to recognize a god. So, for the both of you, when you want to recognize the signs or influence of a god of the Cradle, roll 2d6 and add one for each true statement. You’re in or near their domain. Yes, you helped create this domain, with what you gave up. You’re familiar with their gospel. Yes. And it would be bad if you didn’t know. It feels pretty hard not to know, at this point, but I don’t think it would be bad if you didn’t know. So that’s a plus two.

Gina:
That’s a ten for me.

Em:
Plus two is a twelve. This makes sense to me.

Jannes:
And that’s an eight, plus two is ten.

Em:
On overkills, you realize your divinity is actively trespassing against the god in front of you, and the GM will say how. So, it couldn’t be anybody else. It just couldn’t. In some ways, the both of you have been chasing her so hard, and there have been moments where she has presented herself right in front of you, and you couldn’t, or were not able, or were not ready to see it. Wanting to show herself truly to you, as a sign of deference and respect for what you have gone through to get here, she takes off the mask and reveals her face. Angular and inquisitive. A scar covering half of her visage, but not marring her beauty, by any means. Almost accentuating it. She pulls the mask up and backward, and you see two small furred ears atop her head, almost lost in her hair, and the brilliant gold of her eyes behold you both. Nepthysaket, the Patient Witness, stands before you. You called. She came. And in that moment, the way your divinity trespasses against her, is I think, she is showing you a vulnerability and a trueness, that because of what you have been through, and because of who you are, you could never show her in return. And I don’t think that’s your fault. But the way your divinity interacts with the fabric of who you are and your history, will always leave part of you guarded, scared. She is neither guarded nor scared.

Em (as Nepthysaket):
“Hello. This has been a long time coming, and it is good to see you both so rested.”

[Light & Dark: Series Theme by Sean McRoberts]

Em:
Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. We are grateful to be sponsored by Heroforge, who offer fully customizable miniatures made with their online 3D character creator! Head on over and design your own Godkiller, and get them printed in a variety of materials, including colour printing options! With new content added each week, check out www.heroforge.com to start bringing your character to life! This show is also proudly sponsored by Moonbeam, a better and safer way to stream! Dive into Realms for vibrant community hubs where creators keep 100% of what they earn while protected by Pyxis, a revolutionary moderation tool that learns and adapts to your boundaries. So check them out and join Moonbeam today! Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on our second journey through the Cradle. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive Godkiller bonus content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!