BlackwaterDnD

Em:
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit.

Content warnings for this episode include: Threats of violence // anger // concealed identity // knives as weapons // gaslighting // substance use

So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance.

Episode Four: Conspiring

Em (as Tayo):
“Oh! It looks like you dropped this.”

Em:
A simple statement. Otherwise innocuous if it was about anything else. Any other interaction you would have flashed a smile, retrieved what you’d dropped, and been on your way. But that simple response feels years away as you regard this being hold your blade. They turn it over in their hands and extend it over to you as you close the distance.

Em (as Tayo):
“It's a beautiful piece of creation. I would be loathe to see it lost to you.”

Jannes:
Seeing someone touch the knife. Knowing that there's no way I could have dropped it. I know there's no way I could have dropped it. That… I'm certain of it. There's no way I could have dropped it. There is a fear, and an anger, in Rake, and he feels his hands reaching down to his pockets where his weapons are concealed, and… he pauses for a moment. A normal person couldn't have done this. There's no way a normal person could have done this. Could have made this happen. I think I crossed the distance at a speed that is… you could almost describe as a run, but he's trying to not cause a scene with so many people around. And he immediately closes the distance to this person.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Who are you?”

Em (as Tayo):
“I was-”

Jannes (as Rake):
“How did you do this? How did you take the knife from me?”

Em (as Tayo):
“It dropped. I was, I heard the sound and I saw you and I was curious about it, so I picked it up and-”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Who sent you?”

Em (as Tayo):
“No one.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Do not lie to me.”

Em (as Tayo):
“No one sends me. You look lost. Are you lost?”

Jannes:
I think he has the same reaction that I've seen bears have when they walk into a yard, and like, an Australian Shepherd attacks them, like they're like, what the fuck is this small dog doing, standing up to me? This, almost lacking of character person is so at ease with him, in his heightened state. And I know I just used it, but I'm, he's on edge. I'm gonna, I want to recognize a God again.

Em:
Okay. So just in case people forget, when you want to recognize the signs or influence of a God of the Cradle, roll 2d6, and you're gonna add one for each true statement. You're in or near their domain. Yes, the entire world is their domain. You're familiar with their gospel. No. It would be bad if you didn't know. You haven't known anything so far and you've been doing okay. So this is a plus one.

Jannes:
I roll two sixes.

Em:
Okay. So, bringing your total to thirteen.

Jannes:
Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

Em:
On an overkill, you realize your divinity is actively trespassing against them right now. The GM will say how. I feel like this couldn't have gone any other way. This unassuming person, who has no business being as close to you, familiar to you, asking the questions they are. Something is wrong, and off. And I think that this fear, this anger that you carry right now, the glamour that you work so hard to carry, shifts, just for a second. You've got most of your control, but you lose it a bit. What do we see?

Jannes:
I think if it was just a temporary… drop. Just sort of like a flinch,

Em:
Mmhmm.

Jannes:
You wouldn't get a full picture. But if someone was paying very close attention, they would notice two large black feathered wings from Rake's back.

Em:
And then they're gone again.

Jannes:
And I think him knowing that that has slipped... He takes a step backwards.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Who are you?”

Em:
They regard you again.

Em (as Tayo):
“Okay. So maybe you're not lost, but something is missing then. What did you lose?”

Em:
And as they say, what did you lose? Are you lost? This person who looks like everyone and no one. One God of the Major Seven. While they have a temple here in Glass, you know that they are potentially the least worshipped God across the entire Cradle, other than ones that are actively disdained against. Tayo the Lost. They who crafted the world with their hands. God of Mortals, Humanity, and Creation. There are no outright teachings about Tayo. But it is said that Tayo was created by the weave itself, and they used the magic of the universe to create the Gods. And then, after the Gods had time to shape themselves and their domains and interact, Tayo realized that the Gods could not sustain themselves from their domains alone. So they created mortals to love and worship the Gods. It is not surprising that someone with your lineage sits now in a place of fear in front of the God of Humanity. And they are still holding your knife, and have asked you a question.

Jannes (as Rake):
“What have I lost?”

Em (as Tayo):
“Well, I'm not sure.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Is that what you ask me?”

Em (as Tayo):
“Yes, I'm asking you what you've lost. I was mostly curious about your knife, but it's not totally yours either, is it?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“You did this, you know? All of this. This was you. You made them. You made them.”

Em (as Tayo):
“I did.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes. And everything they do is on your hands. You see me, but I see you too. My knife please.”

Em:
They have their hands extended in front of you.

Jannes:
I take the knife.

Em (as Tayo):
“You are not totally your own either.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“None of us are.”

Em (as Tayo):
“You more than others. Maybe that's why you're lost. Somewhere along the way, you've misplaced yourself. Sometimes we lose ourselves accidentally. Sometimes you make yourself lost on purpose, I know a lot about that. I've been gone for a long time, but I come back every now and again just to see what things are like. And then I go. Before any of the rest of them know I'm here. But this is new.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I know what I've lost. And I know when I lost it. I don't need you to tell me. And honestly… I don't need you to ask me either.”

Em (as Tayo):
“Suit yourself.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“But, before you go. I don't need it, but I know someone who might. And if she has questions for you, where could I find you?”

Em (as Tayo):
“Oh… Um… I think people have been looking for me for a long time. And then they forgot. And they just assumed that I was always missing. So that's why they started calling me that, you know. Take this, maybe… maybe this will help. This should lead you to me, and maybe we can figure it out together.”

Em:
They reach inside their tunic, a pocket, and pull out what looks to be, like a city map of Glass, and they hand it to you.

Em (as Tayo):
“Yeah, you should be able to figure that out. You've always been light on your feet, haven't you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“There are two possibilities. One is, you don't know me. And you shouldn't make any judgments, or statements about me. Or the second is you do know me. And then you should just feel shame. She will find you.”

Em (as Tayo):
“Which she are you referring to?”

Jannes:
I think he smiles at that.

Jannes (as Rake):
“The sunshine.”

Em (as Tayo):
“Hmm. Well, sometimes the lost find the lost and that is the best kind of meeting. I meant what I said, about the help. You... Try not to be. But you're mortal too.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I was. That part of me died.”

Em (as Tayo):
“You don't need that half as much as you think you do.”

Em:
And they gesture at the knife.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I don't know what I need.”

Em (as Tayo):
“That's the first true thing you've said, that isn't you trying to be more than yourself.”

Jannes:
I think when he says that ‘that's the first true thing you said’, Rake feels like that 18 year old boy again, caught in plans and machinations bigger than him. And then when he follows it up with, ‘you think you're bigger than yourself’… I think that angers him. Because the power that he has is the only thing he has left.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Well. Thank you, I guess, for your insights. I will… pass the map along. And she will find you. She still has time.”

Em:
They regard you very carefully. And I think in this moment, with your divinity trespassing on theirs, and theirs trespassing on yours, you get a very deep understanding of who this divine being is. A pinnacle of patience. An understanding for the utter failings of the thing they created. A deep well of empathy for everything in the world, even that which doesn't give or deserve empathy and kind.

Jannes:
And, I think his Rake’s anger burns when he has this realization. It kind of splutters out, and he thinks of his own father, and what a wonderful man he was. And now, regardless of what a good man his father was, he still ended up with a son like Rake. And in that moment, he, the whole argument that he had, that this God was responsible for his children, unravels because there is no reality where the things that Rake does has any bearing on who his father was.

Em:
Hmm.

Jannes:
And I think in that moment… he… sheds a couple tears for the first time since that night. And he, I think he just turns in shame, and embarrassment. And he walks to the inn.

Em:
You hear Tayo call out behind you as you walk,

Em (as Tayo):
“Good luck, [STATIC]”

Em:
Something clocks for you, Rake. Tayo said something that you felt like was your name, but it wasn't. But you can't hear it.

Jannes:
He knows what's... He doesn't know the word that's been said. But he knows that what was said was his name, and that he will never know it again. And he allows himself a moment to grieve the death of that boy that he was, before letting that sadness burn away with the anger that he is so accustomed to carrying, and he turns back to Tayo.

Jannes (as Rake):
“If in your wanderings you see him… Please ask him to spare some for forgiveness for me.”

Em (as Tayo):
“I like to find lost things. So if there's forgiveness to be had, I'll find it.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you.”

Jannes:
And I think he sort of half runs, half walks away from Tayo, and that moment.

Em:
At this point, the light fading, and the long dark of nighttime beginning. There are no moons anymore. Where once two moons were seen in the skies above the Cradle, all that is visible now is the light gray wisps of the desiccated river, hanging above like an omen. There are stars still, Halinaea sees to that, but the moons are long gone. The full moon was once the domain of Cassaldria, the Argent Gemini. But, after her death at the hands of Waniath for control of the skies, the rise and the fall of the moons each night, the rise and the fall of the moons each night felt at the hands of her twin sister, Tenebe, who couldn't bring herself to the job in her sister’s absence. Because sometimes the pain of losing someone is just too much.

Rake, you arrive at the tavern, and you arrive first, finding a table for yourself. Ever, you wander through the streets. This district is a maze. Unless you have a name to ask directions, or descriptions of what the shop is like, it is nigh impossible to find. You wander around. And finally, you end up seeing the sign. The Wayfarer's Lamp. You walk inside, and Davos was right. It's outfitted in dark woods, like the farmhouse. Simple furniture, like the farmhouse. Low lamplight hanging from overhead, and two rows of keys behind the long mahogany bar, that would likely be for rooms upstairs. You see two barmaids moving about the room, with a fiddler playing some accompaniment in one corner. People seem to be keeping to their own, with the room about three quarters full, which seems fair for this point in the evening. Rake, where would you have sat when you came in?

Jannes:
I think Rake would have sat somewhere… Not near the door, somewhere where he had a good line of sight to the door, and upon Ever's arrival, he would have stood, and made his way over, and found the owner, Gallum, and said...

Jannes (as Rake):
“I, umm… I would require a private room if that's alright.”

Em:
Do you head over to the bar to inquire about a room?

Jannes:
Yes, to the bar, yeah.

Em:
Okay. Do you go with Ever? Ever, do you go with him or do you stay at the table that he’s stood from?

Gina:
I think walking in to this tavern I would have sort of been in a, in a bit of a daze having searched for this shop and not found it and been wondering, why am I, why am I shopping? There's so much more to do, and then nothing… to do. And I think when I walk in, and see this man sitting at a tabl,e waiting for me, standing. I think it all just feels so surreal. Like, this is not what I pictured coming to Glass being like, and this is not where I'm supposed to be, I'm supposed to be getting answers, I'm supposed to be shouting at the priestess, I'm supposed to be… feeling peace, and I don't. All I feel is... worse. And I think looking at Rake across the room, and seeing him just so easily stand and ask about a room, I just… I just stand there, and look at him with confusion. I don't think I stand, I don't think I move more than the few steps it took for me to get in to the tavern.

Em:
Rake, you see Ever pause at the door as you go over to the bar, and inquire about the room. You have your room here. Are you asking about a different one? Another room?

Jannes:
Yeah, like a private sort of dining room or back room.

Em:
Absolutely. So as you go to look for Galen, you don't see him immediately, which strikes you as strange. You see a shorter human man behind the bar, lean but muscular with kind of ashy blonde hair that falls slightly over his face with dark eyes. You can almost barely differentiate the pupil from the iris, they're so dark. He's wearing simple clothes, with kind of a barkeep apron, and he looks to be about your age, maybe a couple years older in his mid to late twenties. And as you approach the bar, I think really trying to put on that air of calm and… I want to use the word suaveness, to regain that composure that you hold so chiefly for yourself, as a tenet of who you are, and how you exist in the world. Your step falters for a moment, and I think there's a thought that goes through your head of like, ‘this is not my day’. There is a queasiness in your stomach. It's like you ate something off. And it's the feeling of like, when you hear someone, or know that someone else is sick. It's a discomfort that kind of sits in the low of your belly, and it threatens to pull you higher unless you get a handle on it. This hollow feeling starts to kind of spread throughout your chest, and it catches in your throat, and you can manage it for now. But you've only ever experienced this really one other time. When you were 14 years old. And the barkeep looks up to you and he goes,

Em (as Kian):
“Hi, yeah, what can I get you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I'm sorry, who are you?”

Em (as Kian):
“Oh. You must be looking for Galen, yeah?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes.”

Em (as Kian):
“Yeah, Galen's out of town. He's making his yearly trip back to Domhan. You know how it is, Tovalin help him, and we've barely been able to keep the ale on the shelves, well, considering how much people are flooding into Glass. I mean, I guess I'm not one to talk. Only here a few weeks ago. Where's my manners? Where's my manners? My mother would be so angry at me right now. My name is Kian. It's nice to meet you.”

Jannes:
I glance around the bar, do I see anyone else who's felt what I've felt?

Em:
You don't see anyone else having the same feeling of discomfort. No.

Jannes:
I turn back to him.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Are you feeling alright? You look a little ill.”

Em:
How close are you to the bar right now?

Jannes:
Two feet.

Em:
See his lip falter for just a second.

Em (as Kian):
“Okay. Do you wanna pull up a chair, friend? Or do you have somewhere else to be right now?”

Jannes:
I glance over at Ever.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I had other plans. What brings you here?”

Em (as Kian):
“I was in Sinc Eile for a long time, and needed to not be there anymore. Plus I have work to do. So I'm here.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Official work.”

Em (as Kian):
“How long have you been looking?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I'm sorry, you've… Made an error.”

Em (as Kian):
“No, I don't think I have, and I don't think you have either.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Oh, no, I have not, but you have. I am not quite like you.”

Em (as Kian):
“Then you need to either buy some ale, or you need to leave. I would be happy to talk with you, if that's what you like.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Alright, we can talk. But not now.”

Em (as Kian):
“You have company.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes, I need a private room, please.”

Em (as Kian):
“You can take the sixth one, down the hall to the left.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Thank you.”

Em:
And he pulls two ales, and he puts them on the bar.

Em (as Kian):
“On the house.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“We will talk later.”

Em (as Kian):
“Fine.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Alright. Keep your distance, I need my wits about me.”

Em (as Kian):
“You didn't give me your name. A courtesy.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“My name is Rake.”

Em (as Kian):
“Kian Bennett.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Be safe. It's a dangerous place to be.”

Em (as Kian):
“Thank you. You too.”

Jannes:
I take the two ales, and as I turn, that mask of easy smile, and over self confidence comes back across his face, and I sort of gesture with my head to Ever, to follow. And I make my way to the private room.

Em:
You watch the bartender regard you, Ever, after having this kind of conversation that went from jovial, to stern, to quiet, with Rake. As he turns, big smile, two ales in hand, gesturing down a hallway.

Gina:
How much of that conversation was I able to see? I know what it's like to put on a mask. Present a version of myself to others. How much of that was I able to see from where I am?

Jannes:
I can't speak for Kian, but Rake would have made sure to position himself with his back to you, so you couldn't see his face.

Em:
You would have seen the bartender be quite jovial, with a smile. And as Rake approached the bar, there was concern, a sternness, and a resignation. As two ales were placed on the bar. You saw Rake's hands pick them up, turned around, big smile.

Gina:
I'll walk to the bartender and just pause. Trying to put on a smile and just say,

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm very glad to be here. My father talked of this place. Often. That probably doesn't mean much to you maybe it, maybe it does, but, um, that man you were just speaking to, I don't know him. But it seems like you do.”

Em (as Kian):
“In a sense, yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Gina (as Ever):
“This might be a strange question, but… Should I be worried?”

Em (as Kian):
“I don't know. But the way I know him? No. You're fine.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Okay…”

Em (as Kian):
“Look, all you gotta do is yell. Okay?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I saw you pour two ales, but I… Do you have anything sweeter?”

Em (as Kian):
“Of course. Sure. Leave him with the ale, this will be better anyway.”

Em:
And he fixes up a, kind of like a cocktail in front of you. There is some, pulls out what looks to be fresh cherry, and looks to be juice of some kind, yellow, and it smells like very, very sweet. And placed down in front of you. It doesn't smell or look quite like… what this would be like if you were in Temisset. But a close approximation, perhaps.

Gina:
I smile seeing that. How familiar it looks. And I move to my coin purse to pay.

Em (as Kian):
“No, no, no, it's alright.”

Gina (as Ever):
“No, please, please. Let me.”

Em (as Kian):
“What, let me look at the ledger. Well, let me look at the ledger. Sometimes our longstanding clientele, if you said your dad had come here, they, you know, would accumulate a tab, or have money set aside on file. Like, let me, let me take a look and see if there's anything. So just in case you don't have to pay. Galen's always had that system, so… What, what last name am I looking under?”

Gina:
Ever will pause just for a moment. She knows that every time she says it, it hurts just a little. Not a little.

Gina (as Ever):
“Halassian. My father's name was Davos.”

Em (as Kian):
“Davos, okay.”

Em:
So he pulls a ledger up from behind the bar, and you see him flicking through, licking his finger and kind of moving through the pages. Flips to the... to one page.

Em (as Kian):
“Oh, yeah, it does look like he stayed here, quite often. Seems like he did close out his tab fully, and nothing left from the last time he was here, but always good to look, right?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Of course.”

Em (as Kian):
“But truly, Miss Halassian, it's, your father was a longstanding patron here… On the house. On me. I'm Kian.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Kian. I'm Ever.”

Em (as Kian):
“Ever. Halassian, now I know.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I really would like to pay for these,”

Em (as Kian):
“Sure.”

Gina (as Ever):
“- but if you insi... Okay!”

Gina:
And I take out far more,

Em:
He laughs. He laughs.

Gina:
Far more than this. Than this… I place a good amount of coin down.

Em (as Kian):
“I'm gonna, I'm gonna just put this on the tab. Okay?”

Gina:
“Okay.’

Em (as Kian):
“Okay. Enjoy.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm sure I will.”

Gina:
And I take the glass. And I nod, and walk in the direction that Rake went.

Em:
Okay. So, Rake a couple steps ahead, and Ever you following behind, wander down a dark hallway. There is, you know, a couple lamps on the walls, and you come to a room with just the number six on it. The door is unlocked if you wish to go inside.

Jannes:
I think Rake would have already gone in and sat down.

Em:
Okay. Ever as you arrive, the door is slightly ajar and you go inside and you see what looks like a private dining room. There's a beautiful table with two well appointed chairs. Beautiful artwork on the wall. The room is dark, but it's illuminated by lamplight. The walls are this rich, rich, dark cobalt blue with kind of like really beautiful fabric upholstery on the chairs, and a table runner. And there is, looks to be some light fare kind of on the side. You see a door kind of in the wall that looks to be if, you know, if someone could come out from a kitchen and place food and then leave without having to go down the main hallway. And there is some light fare there at this point. But you suppose you could call for more food if needed, but this is a private dining room. And Rake is sitting at a table.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Did you find any answers?”

Gina (as Ever):
“No.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“That's pretty typical, unfortunately.”

Gina (as Ever):
“What, what is this?”

Gina:
And I look around the room.

Gina (as Ever):
“I don't understand what - who are you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I'm Rake. I know, it's… It's confusing. But maybe… Let's try this. Ask me the questions you were going to ask them, and I will answer them, earnestly.”

Gina:
Are you sitting at the table? Where are you?

Jannes:
Yeah, he's sitting at the table. He's already tucking into the first beer.

Gina:
What is your body language like? Are you relaxed? Are you proper?

Jannes:
He is relaxed. He is lounging in the chair. He's got one foot up on the table.

Gina:
I let out a sigh at the absurdity of today, and move to the chair sort of to your left, pull it out, sit in it, place my place my drink on the table, just look at it and twirl it a little on the on the table, watching the liquid in it move.

Gina (as Ever):
“Have you ever done that, bath?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Wow, they asked you to have a bath. That's quite the honour.”

Gina (as Ever):
“Apparently.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, I'm not allowed in the temples.”

Gina:
She cocks her head at that.

Gina (as Ever):
“And what do you mean you're not allowed?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I am not allowed, I cannot enter them.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I thought everyone was welcome. Isn't that what they say?”

Jannes:
At this you would see, that he leans into you, and he fixes you with that look.

Jannes (as Rake):
“They say a lot of things, and they claim most of them are true. But no, not everyone is welcome. Who did you lose?”

Gina:
I think a little bit of Ever sort of… closes at that question, just instinctively. This person who she doesn't know, asking what would ordinarily be a very appropriate question to ask someone who they found on the steps of the temple, in the state that she was in, and yet in this, this feels more… this feels so intimate. In this room, in this way, in their meeting, and something in her wants to keep… wants to keep that.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I lost my father. He was a wonderful man.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I’m, I'm so sorry.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's alright, it was a long time ago. And I will make sure that she regrets not saving him. Do you know they can do that, right? She can choose to not ferry someone across. It's been known to happen. She's done it in the past. All she needs to say is no. And that person gets to stay. They like to claim that they don't get to decide who lives and dies. They are merely the ferrymen. But you can cross over if they don't ferry you. They pick and choose their favourites. All the Gods do. Don't you see it? At one point they were greater than us. Now they walk among us. They can die. Who will ferry her? When her time comes? Are you not angry?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Sometimes I feel like that's all that I am.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Then why does it freeze you so? You have two choices, Ever. You can let your anger stand in your way, or you can let it be the strength that allows you to get what you need, what you want. Anger is not a burden. It's a power. As strong, and as potent as theirs.”

Gina (as Ever):
“She does choose...”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Yes.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I want her to regret that choice.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“So do I. And I have a way.”

Gina (as Ever):
“How?”

Jannes:
And you would see him reach into his jacket. And out of his jacket he would pull a knife, and place it down on the table.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I found that knife. And I believe, with it you could kill a God.”

Em:
The knife in his hands. It's a long, black steel blade with rivulets of red woven in and out of the metal itself. A white gleaming handle, wrapped in a leather so dark your eyes kind of get lost in it for a moment. How dark, how inky, how deep that leather is. It loses you for a moment. And then you remember he's speaking, and you pull yourself back to the conversation.

Jannes (as Rake):
“I haven't tested it yet. We should probably test it before we try. I can't enter the temples. But you can.”

Gina:
Ever will straighten in her chair. brush some of the hair back from her face.

Gina (as Ever):
“She can bring him back?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No, she can't bring him back. But she could have stopped it.”

Gina (as Ever):
“She can't, she can't… She can’t go get him? Again? She knows the way.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She does not control the other side. That is not her domain. She had him for a brief moment.”

Gina (as Ever):
“And she took him…”

Jannes (as Rake):
“She took him, and she passed him off to another. She is to blame. What are you afraid of? Why do you hesitate? I see in you… a fire that burns. Yet you stand here. Unable to move forward. What scares you?”

Gina:
She looks at you, and you see in her eyes something has shifted. She doesn't look away.

Gina (as Ever):
“What if that's all I'm left with? At the end?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“The anger, you mean?”

Gina (as Ever):
“Yes.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“If that's all you're left with, then you better make sure it's worth bearing that weight. That anger's not gonna go away.”

Gina (as Ever):
“It won’t.”

Jannes:
Rake reaches over, and he slides the knife down the table, the hilt facing you.

Gina:
I reach out, and just... I don't touch it, but I do, my hand hovers over it. Almost.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Tell me something, Ever. When you were younger, and you had the brave inclinations of the ignorant and innocent. Did you imagine that when the time came to act, you would stand in the doorway this long?”

Em:
As he speaks. It is if the hair on the back of your hand, feeling prickles. There's an electricity emanating from this knife, and it is connecting with like, the very molecular structure of your body. It is inches from you, and all you need to do is touch it.

Gina:
I'm looking at this knife, and all I can think is… Would he ever forgive me? I don't know if I can… I look back up to Rake.

Gina (as Ever):
“She took my father too. I need to make her see. I need her to know that she was wrong.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“We don't matter to the Gods unless we're a threat. Maybe you are braver than I am. Maybe you can spend the rest of your life with this pain, and anger, and have it mean nothing. But I cannot. I will have my vengeance.”

Gina:
At those words ‘and have it mean nothing’...

Gina (as Ever):
“It means everything.”

Gina:
And I reached down and I grab the knife.

Em:
You feel a surge of power ripple through your hand, roll up through your arm and settle in the center of your chest. It's as if you're a live wire. All of your senses are on fire, and you feel like you're seeing something, feeling something that you shouldn't. Something that is not supposed to be in the hands of mortals. Yet here it is, in your hand. The closest you felt to this was being in the presence of Thielia in the Saileach, but this is so much more. This is divinity. Not just for viewing, but it's in your hands. It's yours. And you feel like as long as you hold this knife, you could do anything, Gods be damned. And in this moment for you both, as long as that knife is in your hands, you have access to all divine moves and all crucible moves.

Jannes:
I think in this moment as you're having this revelation, this… overwhelming feeling. You look up at Rake, and he's watching you. And he crooks a sort of half smile. And he says, cutting the tension in a way that is… such a classic blasé move of his that you've seen so far, he says,

Jannes (as Rake):
“There is something quite wonderful about a beautiful woman holding a knife.”

Gina:
And I just say to myself quietly,

Gina (as Ever):
“Please forgive me.”

Gina:
And I look back up to Rake.

Gina (as Ever):
“I have a few more questions.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Of course. There is time for questions. And now that you've put your feet on this path. There is nothing, no question we cannot answer. But we must sleep first. And there are some people you need to meet. Tomorrow, we will test the knife. But tonight we will sleep. I have a wonderful room, but I understand if you would rather stay on your own, I can arrange that.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I can arrange for my own room. Thank you.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Oh, I will mention though. I trust you, but the knife has to stay with me. So… If you choose to stay in your own room, it will be without the knife. I hope that is alright. I will gladly sleep on the couch.”

Gina:
I'll place the knife down on the table, and slide it over to him.

Gina (as Ever):
“Tomorrow.”

Em:
You miss it immediately.

Gina:
I flex my hand a little bit as I let go of it.

Gina (as Ever):
“Tomorrow then.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Before you retire. I have something, if you care to join me.”

Jannes:
I pull out the vial of drift.

Jannes (as Rake):
“This is a very coveted and rare tonic, that might illuminate some things for you. If you care to join me on the journey.”

Jannes:
I give it a sort of shake as I say that to you.

Gina:
As someone who knows, I think quite a lot about medicines and substances of this nature. Have I heard of drift?

Em:
You have, and only because of your specialties would you have done so. It would have been an exceedingly hard substance to come by in Temisset. It is a powerful narcoleptic. It will draw you into a deep, deep slumber. It is said to be created from the essence of Soevan herself. The creation process is highly coveted, secret, kept amongst the holy folk from Hood. You don't even know how much you're supposed to take. That's how little you know about it, but you know it is powerful. And the fact that he has some, and is offering some to you feels pretty surreal.

Gina:
Do I get the sense that he's offering it to me as if we need to take it together in the same room, or is he offering it to me, like I can take some myself, independently?

Em:
I think that's a Jannes question, not me.

Jannes (as Rake):
“You hesitate. You not interested?”

Gina (as Ever):
“I... I… I know what this is. My hesitation is not with substance. I don't know you. You don't know me. We are strangers in this. Yet. You say you trust me, but you don't know me. I am grateful for everything that you've… I'm grateful for this. I think that we… We want the same. You and I.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“When I go to bed at night, and I fall asleep, I hear his voice. When I walk through the streets. A simple scent will remind me of his embrace. There is not a moment that it does not feel like someone has ripped something from my chest. I feel alone in my sadness. and my grief. and no one else seems to care. And you stand in front of me, and you say I do not know you. If that is not knowing, then I do not know what is. I do not know the things you've done. I do not know where you've been. But as you said, it is everything. And I know that.”

Gina:
I reach across the table and I lay my hand on top of his.

Jannes:
His hand is cold.

Gina:
I know how this would work, but I, is, is part of… This power that Ever has, not from the knife, just innately in her, she can make things grow, she can bring life to things. I would like to try and do something like that here. Pour a little of my warmth into him.

Em:
Hmm. That power gifted to you simply by being of the people of Temisset, and I will allow you, now that you have access to these moves, to wield the power. So, when you wield the power to do something only a God can, roll 2d6, and add one for each true statement. You've done the specific act before perfectly. You've made things grow before. I don't know if you've warmed things before. But you've definitely poured your life essence into things. So I would say, yeah, I'll let you have that one. Are you desperate for this to work?

Gina:
No, but I would like it to.

Em:
Okay. And you're close to a shrine, lair, or domain of the God you took this power from. No. That would be in the Saileach. So that's a plus one.

Gina:
I rolled two sixes.

Em:
[laughs] Wow. Perfect. So with a twelve, plus one for thirteen, on an overkill, the GM will describe how you also drain, terrify, or wreck what's around you.

Jannes:
Can I suggest something?

Em:
Take it, go for it. Tell me what happens, as she tries to do this for you.

Jannes:
I think you feel his skin warm. And you see his eyes open wide as he feels the warmth in his skin for the first time in a long time. And as it creeps up his arm, and moves through the rest of his body, you see a change in him. You see… He's always seemed older. Partially due to his confidence, and the way that he presents himself. But in this moment, you see a young man. You see someone who's scared. And you see someone who's so sad. And for a moment, that warmth. He feels that embrace that he had just mentioned before. And you see him look at you. And there is a fear of someone who has been seen for the first time in a long time.

Em:
Mmhmm.

Gina (as Ever):
“I do know you.”

Jannes:
And he pulls his hand back. And as quickly as that glimpse of him was there, it is gone.

Jannes (as Rake):
“Well, you've taken to that quite quickly. Yes, it would be rather improper for you to stay the night in my room, but I can, I can pour you a dose in a glass, and you can have that when you retire to your room… Um…”

Jannes:
He looks at you and… before he was looking at you in a way that… made it look as though he was looking through you. And now...

Em:
Can I take it there, Jannes? When he looks at you now, he might be looking at you, but he is desperately trying to look everywhere but you. As if he holds you in his vision too long, that guard will break. You've seen it once, and you are watching him desperately try to keep the gate up. Regardless of what he wants.

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm so sorry. I…”

Gina:
I pull my hand back and place it at the base of my drink.

Gina (as Ever):
“I think we both need sleep. I'm sorry if I, um… I overstepped.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Overstepped how? Of course not.”

Gina (as Ever):
“I'm very glad to have met you, Rake. We'll talk more in the morning.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I hope so. And I look forward to it.”

Jannes:
Rake would get up from the table, grab one of the empty glasses on the little bar where you could pour your own drinks on the side, pour out one dose of drift into the glass. Leave it in front of Ever. And you'd hear the click of his boots as he made his way to the door, and just before he left, he would turn around and he'd say...

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's been a long time since I've been so excited to see the sunshine the next day.”

Jannes:
And he would walk down the hall back to the bar.

Em:
Ever, you know if you take this substance, you will very quickly fall into slumber. So it's probably best if you do that in a room, if you're going to take it.

Gina:
I would just sit there for a moment, and then I don't want to think anymore, and I finish my drink, which had been untouched. I finish it faster than I should. I feel my head sort of swim just for a moment before standing. Bracing myself on the table. How you just drink an entire drink in one sitting, and I don't drink often. And I pick up the glass of drift. And I take it with me and I leave, and I go to the bartender, and I see about finding a room.

Em:
Easy enough. The money you placed down on the bar earlier, covers a simple room, no problem. And keeping his space, I think, as it's nearing the end of the night, and tidying up the tables, Kian slides a key to you. With a kind nod.

Gina (as Ever):
“Thank you, Kian.”

Em (as Kian):
“Of course, Miss Halassian. Enjoy your room. Let me know if you need anything.”

Gina:
And I don't see Rake anywhere, right? He's gone to bed?

Em:
He's gone.

Gina:
Then I will go and find my room.

Em:
Okay. We follow you upstairs to your room. Simple enough to get inside. It's a plain room with a small bed, a wash basin. Nothing like the opulence of the downstairs dining room, private dining room. It's well appointed, but simple. You know to take drift, that you don't drink it. You pour it, on your forehead.

Gina:
I think I just do a very quick arranging of my things, getting ready for bed. I've been awake far too long. Moving far too much, and I've just made a choice that I don't think I can unmake. And I will get into bed, making sure that Rowan has a comfortable spot.

Em:
He curls up near your feet.

Gina:
And I think about changing out of my shirt. His shirt. But I've worn it for so long now that I don't… I feel like if I were to take it off it would be… I don't know what it would be like. So I sleep in that, and of the shawl, and I pull the shawl up over me like a blanket. And I think the last thing I do before I take that glass of the drift, is I take out Verek's hymnal, his prayer book. I can't read it. But I know what it sounds like. I just hope. I just hope I'll still be able to hear those sounds again after all this.

Em:
Hmm.

Gina:
And I'll still be welcome in them. But then again, if I do this… does that break everything? But I can’t think about that anymore so I set the, close the book, set it on the nightstand and… turn out the light and pour. Pour onto my forehead.

Em:
The liquid is not cold. It feels almost like your body temperature. And an immediate calm washes over you. I don't know if you've known this calm since you were a child. The liquid smells like lavender and chamomile, and you feel your eyes get immediately so heavy, comfortable within the linen. And as you feel this haze circle around you, numbing the sharp focus of the world. You feel the draw of sleep pull you deeper and deeper. I'm gonna have you roll 1d6 for me please.
Gina:
Five

Em:
You feel yourself sink into the bed, and you begin to dream.

Rake, do you go right to your room?

Jannes:
No, no, I think I would go back down and see Kian.

Em:
Okay. So, as you're walking down the hall of the inn, everything is quiet. It's late. You were in the private dining room for some time, and you hear the sounds behind the doors of people going to sleep, or getting ready for bed. Lights turning off, shuffling. You pause for a second outside Ever's door. Your hearing is very good. A gift. Because of that little bit of divinity inside you. And it is if you can hear the liquid of the drift pouring out of the glass, as she barely makes it to put the glass back on the stand before succumbing to sleep.

So you head back downstairs to the lobby. The main bar and front counter of the tavern with the tables, nicely, neatly appointed, is empty. Chairs are flipped up. The floor has been mopped. And Kian Bennett, bartender, stands behind the counter, polishing glasses.

Jannes (as Rake):
“What were you talking about earlier? I need, I need to know more.”

Em:
He looks up at you. You see him sigh heavily.

Em (as Kian):
“Well, you could have started with that, rather than coming in and puffing your chest out. I'm not a threat to you. I'm here to help you. Come sit.”

Jannes:
I would pull out a chair, and sit down in a way that made it so that the only place for him to sit would be a little ways away.

Em:
Okay. You take a seat at one of the tables. He sees what you're doing and understands the need for distance between you, you are not kindred as of yet, though there is this connection between you, and you both feel that deep nausea, you can see it on his face. He is like, pouring himself a glass of water with a shaky hand. He leaves one on the end of the bar closest to you with a shot of something next to it, as he walks around the bar, and takes a seat on one of the high backed, or the high stools, and looks towards you.

Em (as Kian):
“You have questions.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“My father was one of you.”

Em (as Kian):
“Alright.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“And... you let him die.”

Em (as Kian):
“I let him die? Me? Personally? Kian Bennett? Let your father die?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Your order. They let him die.”

Em (as Kian):
“The problem with our order, is that we travel alone, so there would likely have been nobody around to save your father, on principle. And if you know nothing, about who you are, or what you are, likely means he was in hiding. Stepped away from it, rather than teach you what you should have known. Look, I haven't been long with this myself, but I at least know who I am.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“He was in hiding. He had… tried to get away from everything you guys were doing.”

Em (as Kian):
“He should have known better. Once you're marked, you can't do that.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“You say that as though it would have made a difference. As though if he'd stayed loyal, it somehow would have protected him.”

Em (as Kian):
“You're probably right. But he would have been on task. That's not his fault, what happened to him, I'm sure. But we all have purpose. Every one of us with that mark. This mark. Our mark.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's a curse.”

Em (as Kian):
“It's a gift.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It’s a damnation.”

Em (as Kian):
“It is not.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Tell me, if it's not a curse or a damnation, why do you hide it? Why don't you wear it proudly?”

Em (as Kian):
“Because the rest of the Cradle has taken it upon themselves to blight our name, and what we're supposed to do. They don't know why we do what we do.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“And what is it that you do?”

Em:
He takes a heavy sigh. Pulls out his knife, he places it on the bar, a hand on it. It's beautiful. You see a dark leather handle. The blade is not curved but straight, a stiletto dagger. It strikes you that the blade is so different than yours. Even before she changed it.

Em (as Kian):
“There will come a twin-souled priest who will begin the end of days. They will eschew all things, take the knife, and walk alone to kill the nothing, to welcome the empty oblivion. We search, and we look, and we wait.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“And you think that little knife of yours can kill a God?”

Em (as Kian):
“Not in my hand it can't. I am not the twin-souled priest.

Jannes (as Rake):
“So your task is to find him and then give him that knife.”

Em (as Kian):
“Yes, to make sure he knows, and to unite him with his other half. However, that may come to pass. They don't exactly give you an instruction manual. I didn't get mine from a family member. I won it. Somebody bet it. And then it came into my possession, and then it became mine.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I’d quit this silly task of yours.”

Em (as Kian):
“Why would I?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Because it's going to get you killed.”

Em (as Kian):
“It is the first thing in my life that I have chosen, for myself.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Then choose something different. Anyone can choose to die.”

Em (as Kian):
“You talk with so much conviction for someone who knows nothing about who we are. Do you even know what we are called?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“No.”

Em (as Kian):
“What do you want to know? You will have heard the names they call. Voidwalker. Oblivion filth. But you know what they really ought to call us, is our true name.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“And what is that?”

Em (as Kian):
“Eutoches. If you inherited this from your father. It was his last name. And it is yours too.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It is not my last name.”

Em (as Kian):
“Maybe not anymore. Not when your life looks like that.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It might have been my last name once. But it is no longer. I would ask that you heed my words. And you find somewhere safe away from this nonsense, or you're gonna get yourself killed.”

Em (as Kian):
“You seem quite sure of that.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“It's taking everything in me right now not to kill you.”

Em (as Kian):
“From the looks of you, you would likely overpower me easily. It would not be a fair fight. I'm not trying to hurt you, Rake. I am not here to threaten you. I am simply doing my job. Trying to make a living for myself while I do my work.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Your order is the reason my father is dead. Someone has to be held accountable.”

Em (as Kian):
“So you've decided that I am the person who's gonna be that role for you?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“If you must.”

Em (as Kian):
“You're gonna pin all of that on me?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Who else? You yourself said your order, they don't look out for one another. You would wash your hands? Of the death of one of your fellow… Eutoches?”

Em (as Kian):
“Did a Eutoches kill your father?”

Jannes (as Rake):
“He was killed because he was Eutoches, and that is enough.”

Em:
He looks at you, and there is a moment where he sees that part of you. One Eutoches to another. A deeper knowing than you perhaps would ever let him have.

Em (as Kian):
“Someone has taken what little connection you have to our history, and they have twisted it and soured it. There is a coming back from this. Drop your ties to whatever did that to you. Whatever holds you. You tell me to run and change who I am. I am encouraging you to change who you are. Follow through on who you are originally supposed to be.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I think that's where your confusion comes from. I was always meant to be this. Do you know what they call me?”

Em (as Kian):
“I'm sure you're gonna tell me.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“They call me the Void in Flight.”

Em (as Kian):
“That’s a pretty title. For someone who hides so much.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“That's brave words. For someone so scared to tell anyone who they are.”

Em (as Kian):
“I've got nothing to lose in front of you right now. Nothing.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I like this tavern. I've been staying here a long time. When I return next, I don't want you here.”

Em:
You see him consider this for a moment. He walks behind the bar, leaving his seat. Finishes the glass of water that he poured for himself. And he begins starting to wash up. You see him start to wipe down the bar. And he looks up with you.

Em (as Kian):
“Well, that's probably something you'll have to take up with the proprietor. I’m just here doing my job, Sir,”

Jannes (as Rake):
“Does he know who's working for him? Do you think he'd be so… inclined to defend you, if he knew what you were?”

Em (as Kian):
“I'm willing to take my chances at this point.”

Jannes:
And I think Rake would get up, and he'd walk up to the bar so only the bar was separating the two of them.

Em:
Kian holds his ground.

Jannes:
And he would say...

Jannes (as Rake):
“You're brave like he was.”

Em (as Kian):
“You miss him.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“I do.”

Em (as Kian):
“You should go to bed. I have work to finish.”

Jannes (as Rake):
“So be it.”

Jannes:
And I think as I stand there for that last moment… and say that. I would just for the very briefest moment let that glamour drop, so he gets a flash.

Em:
Hmm.

Jannes:
And then give him a nod. And make my way to bed.

Em:
I think you hold your true form long enough that we see the long feathers brush up against the stairs as you start to walk up them.

Jannes:
And I think he would also in that unglamoured form. Notice that my hands come to claw like tips at my fingers. The fingers stained red. That sort of dark brown red. And then it would be Rake again, making his way up the stairs.

Em:
Your boots click up the stairs one at a time as you make the way down to your hall, as you make your way down the hall towards your room. Close the door behind you. Is there anything you do before you climb in bed?

Jannes:
No, I think that… when he's working, he's always ready for things to kick off at a moment's notice. And so I think he lays down on the bed, fully clothed, and without any sort of real ceremony or care, just unstoppers the bottle and lets it wash over his face.

Em:
This is not the first time you've taken drift. And that draw towards rest comes so quickly, that stumble into slumber. But for the first time as you take it. There is a brief moment where you see her. Remembering what Ryland Arno said, taking drift from the same batch as another at the same time. You see Ever drifting and floating in her own sleep. A light pink haze, lavenders, golds… and you almost begin to reach for it. And then she is gone. And all you see is an empty, dark nothing. And down, down, down, you fall.

[Light & Dark: Series Theme by Sean McRoberts]

Em:
Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Character and location leitmotifs composed by Si Rutherford of Sounds of Adventure. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. Cartography for this series by Chaim Holtjer of Chaim’s Cartography. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. We are grateful to be sponsored by Heroforge, who offer fully customizable miniatures made with their online 3D character creator! Head on over and design your own Godkiller, and get them printed in a variety of materials, including colour printing options! With new content added each week, check out www.heroforge.com to start bringing your character to life! This show is also proudly sponsored by Moonbeam, a better and safer way to stream! Dive into Realms for vibrant community hubs where creators keep 100% of what they earn while protected by Pyxis, a revolutionary moderation tool that learns and adapts to your boundaries. So check them out and join Moonbeam today! Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on our second journey through the Cradle. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive Godkiller bonus content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!