BlackwaterDnD

Em:
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Oblivion, is an eleven part miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase. Our story tells a tale of the end of all things, and follows one prophesized soul who challenges the shackles of fated and foretold divinity. This story is our love letter to fearless storytelling, passionate vulnerability, and incredible creators who challenge us to bring our best selves to the table. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLER is played by Jannes Wessels and Christian Navarro. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access support as you see fit.
Content warnings for this episode include:
Heartbreak / romance / grief / death / anger / fantasy violence / complicated relationships / power dynamics and struggle / religious overtones / rejection / ostracism / strong language
So sit back and relax, heretic. And welcome to Godkiller: Oblivion.
[As a note, Christian’s audio is poor this episode due to a recording problem with his microphone that we have done our best to remedy here with audio editing. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than it sounded originally. We hope to be able to re-record this and remaster the track if time and scheduling allows. We wanted to still release the track as it’s a beautiful episode, and we wanted to preserve the original emotionality of his performance. Thanks for your understanding!]
ARC 1, PART 3: MIRROR
Em:
As you place your hand in the light, what is left of Allseia, The Reasoned Sister, it burns and it stings and it's searing you. And just for a moment, you feel that hollow, empty, nauseous, bottomed out feeling that has plagued you ever since you found the knife… just disappear.

Your blood drips from your hand as it pools on the glass below, running off into the ground beneath it. Her blood mixing with your blood, divine blood. And as your vision becomes overtaken with divinity just surging through you as you have witnessed the death of a God and been gifted some of her power. You are nothing but light.

You feel yourself being pulled, ripped from the fabric of everything you knew, hurtling forward, onward, through an empty liminal space. It is not painful, but there is a pressure. A pulling, as if your soul is separated from your body. A reaping of all of you from the vessel that houses you. You see the world shrink in view behind you, stars slipping away faster than you should be able to go and you hurtle towards a space that seems impossible.

You travel and you travel and you feel yourself then slowing, beginning to drift as if you're flowing down a river. The River. The place where the Gods descended from. And the small part of you that has touched the divine now knows that this is where you are. A place where no mortal should go. At least not one that is alive.

You see other souls passing by you. They do not pay you any mind as they too drift along the slow and steady current of The River. But while they appear bound on their path, you feel like you have some agency here. Something different. You could get out of this River if you wanted to. And as you drift along...

Inanis, what is going through your mind right now?

Jannes:
I think there's a lot of confusion as to what exactly is happening. I think he's still reeling from the decision that he made in that clearing and trying to make all the pieces make sense. And there's a part of him that is kind of realizing that he is the one that the prophecy spoke of and… There's a, yeah, there's definitely sort of like a sadness that he didn't just find someone else to pass this burden onto that he now must take up that mantle. So I think there's like a, there's like a moment of peace knowing that things are about to inevitably speed up and get busy. So there's like a moment of like calm before the storm.

Em:
Mm, and as this passes through your mind, it is as if your thoughts are heard - broadcast to Allseia, whom you know has brought you here to show you something, someone, and in your heart you know what that is. It's a reckoning, unknowing that you may now never unknow. And it is as if you hear her contemplate your confusion.

Em (as Allseia):
“Not long now. You will understand and it will make sense, maybe, as much as I can, I just wish I had found you sooner. I'm sorry”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“It's okay. I'm also sorry.”

Em (as Allseia):
“You've done nothing wrong, Inanis. Regardless of what you think, you have followed your faith. You are doing your duty, and I see how it hurts you. I have watched you for so long.
And I know there's more than one place that you ache.”

Jannes:
I think in that moment he would. He would squeeze his arm against where the dagger is tucked and at the same time squeeze where he has stashed the Bible in his, or the prayer book in his pocket.

Em:
Plenus, you too drift, alone, amongst thousands of souls like yours but different, knowing that out there your body is still alive, you think, the last you knew, while those that float beside you are all long dead. Your eyes drift upward for a moment, knowing that you also could leave this drifting at any time, and you still yourself in peace for a moment. This is a peace you haven't known in years. It feels like a slow, easy morning. It feels like finishing a writ, knowing your prose is perfect. A feeling that could not exist elsewhere. You see above you… large swirling forms across the liminal space. You see the spectral form of a saber-toothed tiger languishing at the edge of what looks like a pool made of starlight. Deeper across this depiction of a pool, you see a large tentacle flick out of the water before descending below once more.

These are the ghosts of Gods. Gods long dead after their own withering or murder for their power. Gods killed by other Gods. And yet here you are, in a River that is supposed to be dry and dead with no magic. But it teems with lives lost and the souls of those who have died since its unraveling, waiting peacefully for something to change. Plennis, what is going through your mind right now?

Christian:
Death. I think, I think that… since everything has, since before everything came to light, since Nelle, death has been a constant. And I think they experienced death in a new way earlier in the day. And then again, seeing this entity, this God, die in its own way. And I think now standing in this river, there's a peacefulness, sure, but it feels like indulgence because I think he finds that peacefulness in completion. This is just beginning, in a way.

And I think when the tentacle sort of reaches the astral water there, slaps back down into the water, snaps him from this contemplation a bit. I think maybe he tries to reach out to… this entity. Maybe it's just a feeling. Which way? What to do now? Why are we here?

Em:
You reach your hand out and up of the River, trying to touch this entity, this depiction of a God. Maybe it is what's left of this God, and you watch as it moves extending toward you. But just out of your reach. It is as if the Gods, even though they are dead, are not meant to be touched by those flowing in the River, like you are right now. And you hear that soft, quiet voice again that you heard in the forest.

Em (as Allseia):
“They've been here a long time. Some of them don't even remember how to be anymore. We have been cut off from The River until we are dead. And now that I am here, I am cut off from the Material as well. This, this is my home now. And I'm sorry that I didn't find you sooner. I tried. I really did.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Will you forget who you are? Who you were, who you've been?”

Em (as Allseia):
“I will try so hard not to. And I imagine too, depending on how long… things last. How long this cycle ebbs. I have no guarantees about what I will be able to hold onto. There is no longer anyone to read the meter. No one to see the fate. So here I sit.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I'm truly sorry, for you.”

Em (as Allseia):
“You're so much like him. I'm glad you're here.”

Em:
And you drift, and you drift, and a strange feeling comes over you, a warmth below your left pectoral, the both of you, a warmth over your scar. Not a searing, not a burning, nor an ache. A not unpleasant warmth. It feels like a cup of warm soup on a cold day. It feels like how a coffee mug feels in your hand first thing in the morning. It feels like how your toes get warm first when you're in front of a fire after being out in the snow. It feels like coming home.

And you hear Allseia's voice once more gently over this feeling, as if she doesn't want to intrude on it.

Em (as Allseia):
“Come, Son of the Void, let us reflect and let us have you know.”

Em:
And as you both look around, you see a natural bank of the river within the river that you could exit, and you see a figure sitting in a chair, glancing back and forth with a soft smile on her face. What would you like to do?

Jannes:
I would exit to find the figure on the shore.

Em:
Ok.

Christian:
I will also make my way towards the exit.

Em:
Okay. You approach this figure and you see a being. You recognize them instantly from the eyes and the face you saw in the broken mirror, but there is no pain, no suffering, just placid and calm. A small femme presenting person, petite in stature with a pixie like face.

She has iridescent freckles across the bridge of her nose and rosy cheeks, and long white hair braided intricately with ribbons of cornflower blue and sage green. She wears a jacket and pants of opalescent white but simple in their design, trimmed with silver and platinum. A small grey bird sits on her shoulder, and you can hear them humming together. A beautiful song. It could be as simple as a hymn or a lullaby, but it makes your heart swell like the crescendo of an orchestra. She looks at you both simultaneously, as her song quietens, carrying on though she is not a part of it anymore, and dips slightly quieter as she speaks to you.

Em (as Allseia):
“Hello? You must have many questions for me and those can come in time. We have a bit of time here. I cannot keep you here for long as my power now has limits. But the fate would have me tell you, you needed to know who you are.”

Em:
And it's now that you finally clock each other. You see each other standing diametrically opposed with Allseia in the middle of you.

Jannes, who does your counterpart see standing behind her?

Jannes:
You would see, Inanis, he has long white hair that he wears tied up in a bun, big white beard, rather unkempt. He's dressed in sort of… Imagine Brennan Fraser from The Mummy in a sort of that adventuring outfit, and at his hip he has a rapier. But I think the thing that you clock immediately and you notice most intently is his eyes are… They're not sunken, but they are hollow. There is… he is a Husk of a man and his one eye is yellow, like a cat’s and the other eye is a soft purple.

Em:
And Christian as you take Inanis in. Who does he see opposed to him?

Christian Navarro (18:48.528)
He’s sees a… average height, maybe a little above average height, taut, at the moment fragile looking ,am because he's been running through the forest and had this experience and feels a bit tossed about. Wiith long hair put up tight behind him and I think what you would see is a likeness a similarity in these eyes sunken eyes where they differ I think is that in his eyes… there's a… almost a constant processing of pain happening, if that makes sense. There seems to be a recounting happening in his brain at all times. He feels almost as if he's in the past and looking towards the future, but never really in the moment.

And you would also notice his hands. They're lithe and strong. In his right hand, he has, I think he would have the dagger exposed, gripping tightly, but there's something… I think he's always held that dagger in a way that was foreign to him, something outside of himself, and that changed earlier in the day. So he's holding this knife as an extension of himself this time. It feels very natural, but looks unnatural when you see this taut man in these robes that are very form-fitting. And when he sees you, he immediately starts to subconsciously press those ropes back down to fit them so that they look proper.

Em:
There's a radiant smile that crosses Allseia's face.

Em (as Allseia):
“Even though I know what this means, I cannot tell you the joy that it brings me seeing the two of you together when you have been apart for so long. Near misses in the cosmos time and time again, and I knew you were coming. As you were prophesied, I just didn't expect it so early. But who am I to stop the tides of time?”

Em:
She trails off, slightly.

Em (as Allseia):
“Time is what got me into this mess, I think. My brother… my mother did not want it to end while he was still so far from her grasp. So I see now that she asked for guidance from The Hawk and, well, she took it into her own hands, I see. That is my downfall. I can see everyone else's fate but my own, and I never looked closely at those I loved. But I suppose I have nothing but time now.”

Em:
She looks back and forth between the two of you. Their smile is so genuine and pure as if they've gotten to the end of a very good story.

Em (as Allseia):
“You have much to discuss, I assume. I'm here if you need anything and you have any questions, but I don't know when again, if ever, I'll be able to do this. So I will keep you here in The River as long as I can. And then I will have to send you both home.”

Em:
She stands and nods and takes a step back. She swipes her hand forward and a small table appears with two chairs. She excuses herself, the space between you now empty and free. And as she retreats, that soft song of prophecy is picked up once more between her and the small gray bird.

So, my dear Godkiller, as the two halves of a long-destined and separated soul finally meet, you now have some time together. You are welcome to ask any questions of Allseia as you wish, or you can ask me questions above board if you need to.

Jannes:
I would like to, if it's allowed, um, I would like to start off by actually pulling a move.

Em:
Oh okay. Go for it.

Jannes:
Um, I'd like to, I'd like to use a Renowned Move because once you've killed or spared a God, you can ask one of the following ones for a session. And the question I would like to ask is how can I make them trust me?

Em:
Wonderful question. So you are using one of your Servant moves as your Renowned moves. And who are you directing this question about? Plenus or Allseia?

Jannes:
About Plenus.

Em:
Then I'm going to have to let Plenus answer that question.

Christian:
I think probably the only characteristic that would be identifiable as trustworthy to him is someone who suffered for what they believe in, as much as he seems to have suffered himself. So sharing, perhaps, a bit of your suffering.

Jannes:
And... and Em,above board, um, I'm assuming that our lives, though not the same, have similar, like, touchstones?

Em:
You could infer as such, but you may have to find out.

Jannes:
So what, um, I think what, uh, Inanis would do is he would walk over to the, um, table and he would pull out the chair and he would draw the dagger from the sheath under his arm and he would place it on the table and beside it he would take his hair down from the top knot and he would take with the cat skull at the end and he would place it next to the dagger and then beside that he would place the prayer book and then he would sit down.

Christian:
I think he's intently watching what he's putting on that table. There's probably a sense of.. I knew what you were gonna put on that table before it was put on that table. Even though I don't recognize the symbol itself, the cat skull or the cord itself, I feel immediately that I know what I'm to do. And I think with apprehension, and an intensity that doesn't really leave. He's always sort of electric, even though he's still. I'll slowly pull out the chair. I'll take out Nelle's ring that I don't think I ever take off. And I'll put it on the table. I'll sit at the table and I place the dagger on the table, but I won't take my hand off of it.

Jannes (as Inanis):
“It appears that after years of searching, I find that… I am both the one I was looking for and not.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“What is your name?”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I am Inanis, but that is not important.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“It is important.”

Jannes:
He would chuckle at that.

Christian (as Plenus):
“I am Plenus. I think it's important that we remember who we are.

Jannes (as Inanis):
I think it's important to remember… what we've lost. But I don't know if who we are matters. We are the one who holds the knife.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“It has to matter, Inanis, precisely because of all that we lost, all who lost. I thought I didn’t… Now you're here. And I'm here. Where are you?”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I was in the woods outside of a caravan. We, I discovered a mirror on the ground that was shattered by a Hawk.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I experienced something similar, but I too was with a caravan.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I believe I was on the same caravan, but I did not see you.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I didn't see you either. What are we meant to do?”

And then I'll turn to Allseia:

“Who killed you?”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I did.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“You did?:

Jannes (as Inanis):
“It was either me or... The Hawk and… I would not have it gain her power.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“So the Hawk, the Hawk is hunting them.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“It was. It was. I don't know where it's gone. It once had broke the mirror. It appeared to fall, not far from where I was, but… I chose to… end things on our terms.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I offered the same. I'd like to find this Hawk. Kill this Hawk.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I think… I too wish to find the hawk, but if we... If we can end it all, that is what our purpose is. To bring the void. We must find him.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Have you? Yes. But... The void... To end it all, that's… Everyone ceasing to exist, all of it, the void. Have you loved people?”
Jannes (as Inanis):
“I have. But I… I gave that all away to pursue this, and if I was to not seek the void it would have been for naught.”

Christian:
I think that there's a, it's almost imperceptible, but you probably feel it too. Pletus believes he took too long to answer that question and that the word ‘but’ undid the answer itself. And he says…

Christian (as Plenus):
“I'm not saying we don't have a job to do, I just think it's worth considering. It's worth contemplating, holding on to them as long as we can. I love, have loved. What if there was another way? What if, what if? What if, Inanis?

Jannes:
I think you would notice, like, because we're both sort of like, as we say things, we're both perceiving it and knowing at the same time. I think the hackles of Inanis would be raised at that question of whether or not his love was real or.. You would get the sense that this man is always a breath from completely losing control. He.. in everything, whether that like in every sort of variant of emotion from happiness to anger. And that question is so close to putting him over the edge to just initiating a conflict in that moment.

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I did not give up on that to spend more time in this not having. I walked away to serve a purpose, not to be away. I will find him with or without your help.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Perhaps, Inanis, you can be of purpose. Serve your purpose. I will not stand in your way.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Will you aid me?”

Christian (as Plenus):
“if I can.”

Jannes:
And as he says the next part, he is leaning on that connection to glean whether or not there's truth in it. He will say,

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Will you hinder me?”

Christian:
GM, I wonder, is it possible to send an image to him? Like if I think of a memory or a feeling or anything that's associated with it, if I think of it and describe it, can I say would he be able to feel it and see it in this moment in this astral space?

Em:
I'm going to say that you can use the mortal move Connect with Someone here and I'll allow you to do that. So as you try to Connect with Someone, you can tell or show them something intimate, which is what you're trying to do, and you can answer one of the following questions. I will then reveal a fragment of their pain or… Inanis can reveal a fragment of his pain as he answers the other. So the two questions are, what common ground do we share and what still divides us? So I'll let you use your image to answer one of those questions and perhaps Inanis can answer the other.

Christian:
I think it's interesting because you wouldn't feel a unique pain, you would feel a similar pain to yours, but colored slightly differently, tinged differently, rustic in its nature almost. And the image you see is this beautiful, raven-haired young woman bleeding out, offering the knife to me. And it's the moment of… his second birth, the second life. And I think it's sort of like an anime close-up of her eyes. And she had the most beautiful ocean blue eyes that seemed to almost ebb and flow when you looked at them. And even in her death, in her dying in these moments, they were still so vibrant and blue. And… that's what separates us. But in that moment… you feel all that is true to Plenus. And I think what you feel is that he won't hinder you unless it contradicts what she died for, why she died.

Jannes:
I think in that moment where you open yourself to share essentially what is, I'm assuming a memory, I think the, I will answer the question, what common ground do we share? And you will get sort of a flood of an image in return. And you see a crowded tavern. Music just loud and raucous and the volume of people and laughter and in a sort of like a slowmo scene you would see from his eyes. A young tiefling, dancing, hair flowing in the enjoyment of the moment as she spins and looks back with those yellow eyes and a smile on her face as she reaches a hand to him. And you see this scene, but you also feel… the happiness in the moment and the sadness that this is all occurring after he's already found the knife.

Em:
And Plenus, you recognize that woman. That's Katani.

Christian:
I think this is internal. I think this is something that I don't know that, I guess Plenus will try his best, even though he doesn't really know what he's doing, to keep this thought separate from Inanis. This is for himself. But he notices that the image that he received in return was not, we didn't have the same image. And that makes him feel… I think it's the first bit of happiness that he's had in this fucked up day, is that I didn't see Katani, I saw Nelle. And so, in a way, it justifies for him what occurred earlier between the two of them, because he was feeling guilty about that. He knows that he hurt her, but I think there's a bit of validation that he feels true in this moment. but also have sen that, I think he says to Inanis:

Christian (as Plenus):
“I see. I will not hinder you. It would be as if I hindered myself, would it not?”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“That is true. I do not know where to start, but… He reached out to me before I made my way to the glass in the field. Did you have a similar experience?”

Christian (as Plenus):
Archeavelian you speak of?

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Yes.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Yes. I was traveling with the caravan. I... Oh god, I suppose there is something I should… I killed someone earlier, I came upon them in the village, they were suffering. But I'm afraid that I don't want to lie to you. I think I killed them because I was in pain.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“The person with the wasting sickness?”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Yes.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I did the same. It is not a fate I wanted, spread amongst others.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“That's the thing, it's the only gift we have to offer.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Death?”

Christian (as Plenus):
“If we are the twin soul, we bring the gift of death.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I can't imagine is that simple. We bring the gift of nothingness. It has to be different.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“It has to be different?”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Otherwise we would just kill everybody. We bring the gift of nothingness.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Death is nothingness. It is the antithesis of life, which is movement, vibrancy, living, loving. Nothing is death.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“No, my friend. Death is the antithesis of life. Nothing is the combination of the two. We don't do this out of cruelty, we do this out of mercy. The same way you did for that man. The same way I did for our friend over there.”

Christian (as Plenus):
I killed that man because I was suffering.

Jannes (as Inanis):
“And he was too. And your suffering doesn't have to continue. My suffering doesn't have to continue.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“But she deserved a choice. They deserve a choice.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“She gave you your blade, did she not?”

Christian (as Plenus):
“She couldn’t have known.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“If she gave you the blade, she already made her choice, my friend. And if it's any consolation, not that I know it isn't, but… she succeeded in her task. She found the twin soul.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I don't know. I don’t know.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“It is not for us to know.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“We are pawns?! We shouldn't be pawns. We shouldn't be part of a plan. We should… We should have been able to love them. It doesn't feel right. Why does it hurt when we're near each other? One Eutoches to another - it doesn't feel right.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Now that he mentions that, do I feel that same falling when I'm near him?”

Em:
No, not at all.

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I... I do not have the answers that you seek. I ask the same questions. All I know is that… if I let myself feel, if I let myself think too much… then I will.. I would forsake it all, but cannot.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I will make you a promise, if you make me a promise.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Alright.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“We will fulfill our purpose, but we must remain open to possibility to a better way. And if we find a better way, promise me you'll consider it.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“If you find a better way, I will consider it. But not for you. For her.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“And I want to find a better way so that you can be with her, Inanis. I no longer have the possibility of being with mine, with who I lost. If there is no other way, I promise you, I will not hinder you. I will do everything in my power to help you. To help us. To end them.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I think we must start by pursuing the Hawk.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I agree.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“We need answers as to where to find him, and who better to know than a God.”

Christian:
Is Allseia still there?

Em:
It is like a mother watching two children play together. There is just a peace to her. Even though she knows what this means, even though she knows a vast sum of the potentials of what is likely to happen now that you two have connected. That you two know. It is a beautiful mixture of peace and joy, knowing that the fate she saw - the fate she was able to read has come to pass.

Em (as Allseia):
“I don't think we have much time left, but if there is anything I can answer for you before I send you home, I will try.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Where, where can we find the Hawk?”

Em (as Allseia):
“Oh. I cursed her. I was able to save my power for you but I cursed her. She will be unable to make her own choice, but will follow under the command of others. She's no longer able to plan, but forced to act under others' order. A fair curse for someone who so quickly took fate into their own hands. She will not have gotten far.”

Christian (as Plenus):
She must adhere to anyone's orders?

Em (as Allseia):
My curse is that she shall not have mastery of her own fate.

Christian (as Plenus):
“You are brilliant.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Do you know where we can find Archeveleon?”

Em (as Allseia):
“No.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“What does he fear? He is kin to you, no?”

Em (as Allseia):
“I have brothers and sisters. I have parents. But Archeveleon has been before them all, outlasted them all. My brother, Acletolem was the first to die. God of the Sun. And I don't even remember who killed him. It has been so long that we have been in this turmoil. God's stealing the power of others because we have been cut off from The River.” This is the cycle.

There is a ruin at Barrencliff. Some time ago, droves of other Eutoches were massacred to prevent the twinsouled priests from ever being found. I would say to start there.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Thank you.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Why were you cut off from the River?”

Em (as Allseia):
“I don't know. The sine of time moves. Eons change The universe ebbs and flows and we are why… we were in what was left. We are coming to the end. And I think that a certain point. The universe decides that the gods can no longer be all-powerful, that we too must feel constraints, that we too must know that all things will come to an end.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“Before you go…”

Jannes:
And he would reach over and take the prayer book and open it to the back where the message is written and he would slide it across the table.

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I will come back for that. You take it for now.”

Em (as Allseia):
“She loves you, you know.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I know.”

Em:
“And Allseia look at both of you. As she says this.”

Em (as Allseia):
“Do not fault her for trying to give you a life that she believes you deserve. A life with comfort and joy, compassion and safety. And a death that would mean the most through her hands.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“You say that as if she knew I was the twin soul.”

Em (as Allseia):
“I have seen her, in and out of your timeline.”

Jannes (as Allseia):
“Who is she?”

Em (as Allseia):
“That is not for me to share. I only read the metre.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“No, no, no. You do not -”

Christian (as Plenus):
“You see? You see, Inanis? They play with us. They use us like toys.”

Em (as Allseia):
I have been nothing but kind to you. This is not my story to tell.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I understand.”

Jannes:
He would take the book back and he would now instead slide it over, and you would see in the back of the prayer book, it says, ‘I miss you’.

Christian:
I recognize the handwriting I imagine. Yes?

Em:
You've seen this prayer book before. You recognize the looping handwriting. You recognize the dog-eared pages and the stain on the cover. This is Katani's prayer book. It was sitting on your nightstand just this morning.

Jannes (as Inanis):
“You knew her as well.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I came very close to loving her, yes. It make sense what she says, what they say. She must know, Katani, that we are who we are.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“The question is how? How does a… a priestess of Nepthysaket could know who we are when we didn't even know who we are?”

Christian:
I think this is happening internally. I think he's looking from the Inanis to Allseia, and I think a light goes off, and you can tell me if I'm allowed to have this light go off or not, but I feel like something clicks and it's the word ‘kin’ that I mentioned earlier, and that word is nagging at Plenus.

Kin. Allseia and Katani. And the idea that she may be more than what she appears, as incredible as she appears. But I don't think I share that, but I feel like maybe you would feel it anyway. Even if I don't share it, maybe there's a bit of a nagging in your brain too of this word, kin.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“You seem to have an idea as to how?”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I feel… she reminds me of Allseia in a way. A lightness to her. Ethereal.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“You think her a God?”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Maybe she is. Maybe she's just different. Like you and I. Or she’s a God.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I think… I think it suits her.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I hurt her this morning - I had to.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“How… how did you hurt her?”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I told her the truth that I could never love her the way I loved who I loved. Who I love. It was cruel. But in this moment I must tell you I feel happy that I said it. She deserves you. And you her. Can I be sad and happy at the same time? I don't remember the last time I laughed.”

Jannes:
You would see there would be a crinkle .to the edge of Inanis’ eyes as the smile doesn't make it to his mouth but you see it start as he says,

Jannes (as Inanis):
“It's kind of like her to have a prayer book to herself that she carries with her everywhere she goes.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I failed to realise the simple things, the little things about her that you do. Like the prayer book. I should have recognised it immediately. Took a moment.”

Jannes:
When I think back now, do I have any recollection of the... I believe you said her name was Nelle. Any recollection of her in my past?

Em:
As you hear her description… The person you met in the house in the third district, the Eutoches with wasting sickness, was not the first Eutoches you've met by far. You remember, you scale through your memory, racking yourself for any other Eutoches who could fit this description and it clicks. You met one fitting Nelle's description in the Fallaway a long time ago, quite soon after you got the knife. She was out there hunting for something. Your paths crossed, realizing that at the time neither of you were who you were looking for. And you parted ways. And it's striking you how someone so impactful in Plenus’ life can just have been a blip in yours.

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I am happy that I have met you, Plenus.:

Christian (as Plenus):
“I am happy too. Strange, isn’t it? Being happy.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“It's... I, for me, it is a happiness born of relief that I... do not have to carry this burden on my own. I know you hurt her, but the fact that she trusted you means that I trust you.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“I am quite selfish, Inanis. I don't know you well enough I suppose to know if you're selfish as I am. I want to do the right thing. I just don't know. I thought it ended with us. I thought it was me.”

Em:
Allseia smiles softly, watching the two of you.

Em (as Allseia):
“You are a fail safe, I think. The both of you. When the world has had enough and must begin again. When the exhale has gone on too long. You are the pause between breaths, the cresting of a wave on a shore before the tide pulls it out once more. This is the essence of your duty, of your role. Of Godkiller. And that is what the rest cannot see. And that is what they are so scared of. But there is truth to what both of you say. While this may be your job, your role, your destiny - ultimately, the power and the choice rest solely on you.

None of us can make that choice for you, one way or the other. Inanis, you forgo that which brings you joy because you do not wish to see anyone but yourself in pain. Plenus, any indulgence of joy or peace brings you misery, because it takes you further from your duty. You both punish yourself for a God who does not love you, and will never love anything other than the nothing. I would be honored to have anyone as devout to me as you are, as Eutoches.”

Em:
And this strikes you. You know of the high priestex of Allseia. Allayne Ivanwood. Ae was standing on the platform ready to speak when you crossed the center square in the City of Glass.

Em (as Allseia):
“Allayne has done everything I have asked of aer. But ae is one of many. You are one of few. And you have carried the weight of an entire body of worship. And it has come with costs. There have been many prophecies, but it is on the shoulders of those given story within the prophecy whether they decide to go through with it. We only hear about the prophecies that go through, but I hear them all.”

Em:
She winces slightly, and you see that keeping the two of you here is requiring strength that is waning. While this form of hers can exist here in the river evermore, the power she has is fading. Is there anything else you ask of her or speak to each other?

Christian:
I think he's processing a lot at the moment. But I snap out of that quickly and grab… I take a bit of paper and I miss a quill from inside my robe really quickly. I go to the table and I pull out a little container of ink that I carry around on my person at all times. I dip the quill and I scroll something and fold it. Then I walk up to you and I slip it inside your pocket. And I say,

Christian (as Plenus):
“I've never been good at words and better at writing. Much, much better at writing. When you are most afraid, open the letter.”

Jannes (as Inanis):
“I will, and when you make it back - you don't need to love her more than you did the one before. You just need to love her. Don't take… Don't starve yourself from that. I have. And… one of us should have something worth living for.”

Christian (as Plenus):
“Conversely, my friend, one of us should have something worth dying for.”

Jannes:
And I think in that moment, you close, after putting the note in the pocket, were the... You described yourself as energetic, always tense. And Inanis is the opposite. He is smooth and slow and deliberate. And in that moment, he moves incredibly quickly and he embraces you.

Christian:
And you feel all of the… I think immediately you feel that this man is stronger than he appears and all of those muscles tense for a second. And then they soften. And then they soften a little bit more. I believe in my heart of heart, Christian believes that in that moment, he cries in a way he hasn't cried since earlier in the morning. And before that… since he held Nelle in his hands as she died. It feels like forgiveness, almost.

Jannes:
And I think that… he is who so often finds himself having to take moments to separate himself just to breathe, to quell the anxiety and feeling of inevitability. I think he finds a quiet in that act of… like nurturing and caregiving that he hasn't felt since before the knife.

Em:
There's an intimacy in this embrace. It is truly a coming home. It is adjoining, it is recognizing that a part of you has been missing for so long and feeling it filled. And it is a bittersweetness knowing that this is the moment where that happens. And very, very soon, that space will become unbearably apparent once more. Allseia watches as the two of you. And you could have stood there forever. It could have been a moment, a breath, a pause as the two of you separate.

Em (as Allseia):
“Getting you here and giving you an aspect of my power has taken a toll on me and it will take a toll on you as well. I cannot promise the state you will be in on your return. I've never brought a mortal that wasn't dead into the River, so I don't know what it will be like. Falling? I estimate something I imagine you are quite familiar with.

Go. Go forth. Inanus and Plenus Eutoches, Son of the Void, Godkiller. Seek your fate. Use my power to orchestrate the reality around you. Mark your metre on the Cradle. And I will see you again very soon.”

Em:
Her hand waves. And you are rushed backwards, separated to the edges of the river within the river from whence you came once more, plunging backwards. And you fall.

You see each other falling in synchrony. You are together here in this infinite moment. Is there anything the two of you would like to do before you are separated once again as you're falling?

Jannes:
Um, I think that, um, Inanis would take the little cat skull on the cord and he would give it to Plenus and he would say,

Jannes (as Inanis):
“if you see her again, she will know it.”

Christian:
I grab it as we're falling and do my best to secure it. I think there's dread in this fall because I think what maybe Inanis noticed pristinely earlier, that sense of falling wasn't there, it was peaceful. And it's back, that sense of falling, that sense of dread is back and growing bigger as we fall. And I think he's scared again for the first time in a long time. He's very scared.

Em:
You feel the liminal falling away and giving way to air and the cold rush of the wind whipping around you. You take one last look at each other as you feel your vision start to blur. The world goes out of focus and a loud ringing starts echoing in the back of your mind. And [loud gasp] you wake up.

[‘Something & Nothing: Main Theme, composed by Sean McRoberts]

Em:
Godkiller: Oblivion is performed by Em Carlson, Christian Navarro & Jannes Wessels. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi. You can find her at @Mischiart on Twitter, as well as to Sean McRoberts, for our composing ‘Something & Nothing’, our main theme for this episode. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today. This show is made possible by our patrons, and sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive series like this one! Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info.

See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!